Shattered Asylum

Chapter 75

A knock on the door pulls me out of my spiraling thoughts. I clutch the towel tighter around myself before calling out, "Who is it?"

"It's me, Amy. Can we talk?" Her voice is muffled, but there's a softness to it that feels out of place.

I hesitate, glancing down at myself. "Uh, yeah. One sec."

I go to my dresser and grab a pair of leggings and underwear. I go to my closet and grab an off the shoulder sweater, slipping them on quickly.

I don't bother with a bra, I'm too drained to care. The sweater hangs loosely on one shoulder, exposing more skin than usual. I tug at the fabric, debating whether to change, but the knock comes again.

Taking a deep breath, I unlock the door. Amy stands there, looking hesitant, her teeth chewing the dead skin around her nails, a habit I recognize in myself.

"What's up?" I ask, my voice guarded. I'm surprised she hasn't gone home yet. Maybe she's sticking around to spend more time with Grayson.

She steps past me without waiting for an invitation, heading straight for my bed and sitting down.

Make yourself at home, I guess.

I close the door, glancing at her as she sits, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. I try to swallow the lump of jealousy in my throat.

I shouldn't feel like this, not without knowing for sure if she slept with Grayson. But it's hard. Knowing they used to hook up is a knife I can't seem to pull out.

"I'm so sorry about what happened," she says suddenly, breaking the silence. Her voice trembles slightly, and she avoids my eyes. "Grayson and I... we found the two of you, and... you won't have to worry about Caleb anymore."

Her tone is heavy, tinged with guilt. But why? It wasn't her fault, or Grayson's. No one's fault but mine.

"Was Caleb a good friend?" I ask, my voice quieter now, the guilt clawing at me. I hug my arms around myself, feeling like a walking disaster.

Amy half smiles, as if a memory flashes in her mind. "Yeah," she says softly. "Caleb, the twins, and I have been friends since middle school."

I bite my lip, looking away. Will she hate me when I tell her the truth? That I wasn't some victim in this?

"But Caleb is dead to us now," she says firmly, grabbing my hand. "We never want to see the piece of shit again, okay?"

Her words stop me in my tracks, but the guilt only grows heavier. "I wanted it," I whisper, barely audible.

"What?" Amy's brow furrows as she leans closer, still holding my hand.

"When I sat on my bed, I got flashbacks of what happened. I wanted to do it," I admit, the words like acid on my tongue.

But I don't stop there, I can't. "He told me something, and it hurt me so bad, I wanted to hurt that person just as much. I wanted it... but for all the wrong reasons." A tear slips down my cheek, and I quickly wipe it away.

I hate this. I hate myself. I hate what I did. I hate how much I wanted to hurt Grayson, how I used my body to lash out.

Amy's gaze sharpens, her eyes almost burning into mine. "Hey, no. Don't do that. You were very intoxicated, okay? What you just told me shows you couldn't fully grasp your emotions. He was barely drunk. He knew exactly what state you were in. You fell asleep. He shouldn't have taken advantage of you."

I shake my head, unable to believe it. "But I consented. I used my body as a way to hu-"

"Let me ask you something," she interrupts, her voice calm but firm. "When you were sober, did you want to have sex with him? If last night never happened, would you want to right now?"