•May 1, 2010: Suicide Support Group•
"Alright, we seem to have some new face here today." The director of the group said. He looked at me. "What's your name?" He asked me. I looked at the other depressed faces.
"Um, I'm Ashton." I said nervously. The director waved his hands up and down tell the others to follow along with him.
"Hello Ashton." He said, while the others repeated. I smiled lowering my head. "So, anyone have a story for us this week?" He asked us looking around. No one raised their hand. I looked back down at my fraying jeans. "Ashton," I looked up. "Would you like to share with us." I shook my head. "Come on now. This is the way to help you." I sighed and looked at all the faces again.
"I tried again last week. I went to the hospital with little chance of living but I sadly pulled through." I said rubbing my arms.
"How do feel as of right now Ashton." I shrugged.
"Okay, I guess." I said looking down. "I mean besides almost killing myself." The whole group sighed.
"Alright then." The director said. "Ashton, do you have anything else to say?" I looked at the group.
"No." I said pulling at my sleeves.
"Does anyone else have something to share?" No one answered. "Alright, talk amongst yourselves."
The director left us all sitting there. No one said a word.
"Ashton?" A small quite voice said.
"Yeah?" I said.
"Did it hurt?" I looked at her confused.
"What?" She focused in on my wrists. I pulled my sleeves down further. "Yeah. But I like the pain." I swallowed.
"Don't do it." She said. "I've done it. I've stopped. So can you." I shook my head.
"I can't. It's my way of letting go." I said. "Letting go? More like letting go of life." She said standing up. I stood up and walked up to her.
"Why do you care if I live or die?" I asked.
"Because we all care for each other Ashton. We're all friends." I turned away from her.
"I don't need anyone."
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I stood outside the support group hall waiting in the rain for my mom. My hands were in my pockets, my hood up so no one could see my face, and my head down. Then I heard a loud horn. I looked up expecting it to be my mom. But I was Luke and Michael.
"I don't want any trouble please." I said backing away from them.
"We don't want trouble. We just want to talk." Luke said. Michael walked up to me and shoved me against the wall. He grabbed my arm.
"Ha. It is true." He laughed. Luke walked over and grabbed my wrist.
"Thought you were better than this Irwin." Luke said.
"Leave me the fuck alone!" I yelled ripping my arm away.
"You got some mouth on you now Irwin. Don't remember you being like this before." Michael said.
"Fuck off Clifford." Michael laughed.
"You think you scare me Ashton?" He said. I shook my head.
"I thought we were friends." I said.
"That was the past Ashton." He said pushing my back hard in the brick wall.
"Come on Mike. Let's leave this piece of shit." Luke said turning to the car. I stood there watching them drive away.
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My mom finally came. I got in the car and broke into tears. "Ashton, what wrong." She said rubbing my back.
"Michael and Luke came." I said.
"Is that a bad thing?" She asked. I nodded.
"They weren't in the support group mom. They came to jump me again." She shook her head.
"What do you mean again?" I shrugged.
"It doesn't matter. I just want to go home." She sighed putting the car in drive.
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Once we got home I saw my brother and sister sitting in the living room.
"Ashton!" My brother yelled running towards me.
"Harry, not now." I said walking to the stairs.
"But Ashton?" He said disappointed.
"Later." I said running up the stairs.
As I walked into my room I threw myself I on the bed. I placed my head in my pillow.
"Why?" I questioned to myself. "Fuck my life."
I got up and walked over to my desk. I picked up my note pad and pen. I then sat back down on my bed and wrote down:
Dear family,
I'm sorry to say this now but I need to go. I'm not meant for here. I'm meant to die and I'll be gone soon don't worry. The date will be my graduation: May 11, 2010. Goodbye.
I stared at it. "This is it. May 11th I'm gone for good." I said to myself. "For good."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: IS THIS STORY GOOD OR BAD SO FAR??
