•May 2, 2010 12:45 AM 9 days until suicide•
I lied staring at my bedroom door and could see the hall light was still on. I waited until it went out and swung my feet over the edge of my bed. I wiped the dry tears from my eyes. I stood up and walked into the bathroom. I closed the door and turned the lock. I stared at myself in the mirror. Tears still came to my eyes.
"I need to get out of here. I need to leave." I said to myself. I then rummaged through my bathroom looking for my blade. It wasn't there.
"No." I said. "No where did it go."
I then began to throw things around the bathroom trying to find in it.
"Ashton!" It was my sister.
"Where is it!" I screamed. "Where the fuck is it!"
The door burst open. I fell to my knees in tears. I felt hands on my shoulders. I pushed them away.
"Ashton, calm down." Lauren said grabbing my shoulders again.
"I can't. I need them. Where are they! Who the fuck took them!" My body shook. "Lauren where are they!"
She stood up letting go of me. "Mom!" She screamed. "Mom!"
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I pushed myself against the wall. I lifted my hands to my head. I pushed my fingers through my hair. As I pulled my hand away. It shook uncontrollably.
My mom burst into the bathroom. "Ashton, baby look at me." She put her hands on the side of my face. I shook my head.
"You took them!" I screamed. "Where are they!" My head shot up. "Where did you put them!"
She looked me in the eyes. "You don't need them." She said. "You need to stop cutting."
I stood up. "Mom, you don't understand I need those." I said gritting my teeth together. "It helps me!"
She put her hand on my shoulder. "It doesn't help with anything."
I glared at her. "Get out!" I screamed.
"In trying to help you, baby."
"Well you're not!"
She sighed walking out. "You need to know when enough is enough, Ashton. You know that when you cut you cut your family too. You're not just hurting yourself you're hurting me, your sister and you brother."
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I looked down. I rolled my sleeve up. The scars still healing. I ran my finger over the skin. It was rough. I dug my nails into my skin. The pain wasn't the same. I pressed harder. Nothing. I pressed harder. I winced pulling my nails away. There was blood that made it to the surface of my skin. I scratched at it, causing more blood to come up. I lifted my arm letting the blood in down. I walked up to the medicine cabinet and pulled out the bandages. I unwrapped it from its packaging and placed it on my arm. Then I looked back at the medicine cabinet and grabbed the tape. I sighed opening the door and walking back to my bed.
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I heard a knock on my door. My eyes opened slowly. My vision was blurry as it adjusted to the darkness of the room.
"Get up Ashton!" My mom yelled. I swung my legs over the side of my bed. "There's someone here I want you meet before you go to school."
I stood up and walked to my closet. I pulled out a black tee shirt. I walked over my mirror. I looked down at my arms sighing. I reached for my sweatshirt. I bent down at the end of my bed and grabbed my bag.
I walked down the stairs my bag slung over my shoulder. I walked into the kitchen to see a man sitting at the head of the table.
"Who are you?" I asked staring at him.
He stood up. "You must be Ashton." I nodded.
"Who are you?" I repeated.
"This is the man I've been telling you about Ashton. The man I've been seeing for awhile now." My mom said looking up at the man and kissing his lips.
I rolled my eyes. "Well, I think I'm walking to school today."
My mom looked at me. "Honey, I'll drive you."
I shook my head. "I'm walking mom." I walked up the counter and grabbed an apple.
"Why don't you take the sweatshirt off? It's over 90° out." My mom's boyfriend said tugging the sleeve up. He tugged the sleeve up far enough to expose te bandage.
My mom looked at the bandage then at me. "Ashton how did you do that?"
I pulled my sleeve back down. "I'll be back later." I said running to the front door.
He found out.
Note: Sorry I haven't updated this in awhile. But I'll try to update this more often since I finished Schizophrenia.
I'm hoping this is good.
