Royal Misconception | HEEHOON

Talk pt.3

The process of moving into Heeseung’s room, surprisingly, took longer than Sunghoon expected. In part, Sunghoon reasoned, it was because he had never had this much stuff before, and even if it was just moving some of it from one room to another, it was a lot. On the other hand, Sunoo and him kept getting distracted with random stuff they found buried deeply in his closet and drawers. Some maids had attempted to help, but Sunghoon didn’t feel comfortable having them around. He wasn’t outright scared, but he felt uneasy with them handling his stuff.

After Giyoon was executed, Heeseung had begun the process of figuring out who’d take his place. While he hadn’t been a prominent lord, he still had land someone had to take care of, and it was no surprise that he had no children. At least not any that he had recognised. He had a cousin, but she was reluctant about taking over his title, apparently not wanting to be associated with him. All of this meant that Heeseung couldn’t always be by Sunghoon’s side, which in turn caused everyone to think he’d shatter at a moment’s notice. He’d been over to Kai, to monitor his health, and he even met Chaewon, she was some sort of therapist, Sunghoon didn’t really understand but they had helped him a lot. He’d come to realise some things.

Sunghoon hated how everyone kept treating him. It was expected and he appreciated their concern, but it was also a bit annoying. He hated the way Sunoo would fidget around him and how he had stopped mentioning the people coming and going from the palace. He hated the way Jaeyun would stay three steps closer than he used to, and how Riki intentionally stayed farther away; like he was afraid of upsetting Sunghoon. Sunghoon couldn’t blame them entirely, he had been shaken by the events, though his heat had helped muffle it down. When his heat had ended, he’d been frightened, but not so much for what could have happened to him. He was scared of the social consequences of having an unmated queen. Having Heeseung next to him, had completely muted any other kind of fear.

The days that followed, though, Sunghoon had to admit he’d been jumpy and afraid of those he didn’t know and those he knew but not too well. It was expected, everyone kept saying, they understood. But they didn’t, not fully. It was sad to say, but he’d gone through so many attempted rapes in his life, literally and in his mind, that his body had dulled down the emotions. What he wasn’t ready for was the intense feeling of guilt. He knew it wasn’t his fault, it never was, but this time around, he couldn’t shake it off. It felt like he had betrayed Heeseung, and he couldn’t cope with it.

Heeseung hadn’t tried to touch him during his heat, and then had put some distance between them. He wouldn’t hug him unless Sunghoon asked, unless he started it. He hadn’t kissed him since the night before the incident, and he had actively avoided Sunghoon’s attempts. Rationally, Sunghoon knew Heeseung was just trying to be respectful, to let Sunghoon heal, but it hurt. It almost felt like Heeseung was agreeing that he’d been betrayed, that he didn’t want Sunghoon any longer.

Sunghoon knew this wasn’t true. For every avoided kiss, Heeseung would offer sweet and slow caresses to his back. For every hesitant hug, he’d hold tightly like he didn’t want to let go. For every bit of space left between them, there was a longing stare. Sunghoon was aware of all of this, could see how much effort Heeseung was putting into making sure Sunghoon was as comfortable as possible; he wished he would stop. He wished Heeseung would be angry and possessive and just take him before anyone else could get the chance to. He wished Heeseung would claim him with a mark deep and visible enough no one could question it. He wished Heeseung would fuck him hard enough the whole kingdom would hear his screams.

Instead, he was dealing with a Heeseung that would do a triple-check before hesitantly reaching over to take his hand. And he wouldn’t even grab it, rather waiting for Sunghoon to hold it.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he collapsed against one of the library’s seats. He wasn’t talking to anyone in particular, but considering he had several people around him, one of them was bound to answer.