"...maybe you're what I need after all."
Thinking about the way she said those words was doing Yuzuru no good as he listened to her explanation of the circumstances that led her to go back to Tsuzuki-sensei.
Izumi spoke about everything, even if she didn't think it was relevant to the current situation.
Truthfully, speaking about it all now and having someone to share her side of the story made her relax even further. There was something about knowing you could trust someone that made everything feel lighter and easier, no matter how serious or stupid it sounded in her own head.
It was the first time she ever felt comfortable sharing some of the discourse that had been behind the reason for her departure. The constant bullying about her weight, the pressure to jump things when her body clearly wasn't ready for them and even going as far as telling him about the insistent talk of her age.
Izumi was 24, an age when most female skaters would be retired or thinking about it but at the same time, it was an age that allowed her to be more critical about the things that they constantly instilled in her. She was proud of her strong personality, even when it brought her trouble.
Realistically, jumping quads with correct tech would be very hard now and she couldn't help but admit that to the older skater as well.
Yuzuru, who eventually got out of his insistent thoughts, had been listening to everything carefully and attentively. He wanted to give his truest of thoughts about it and planned on helping her out as much as possible.
It didn't take a genius to realize that most of Izumi's problems came from deep within and he understood that better than most.
When you constantly hear that you're not good enough, it's easy to let those thoughts consume every action and sometimes it does become too much. Yuzu had felt it, especially after his second Olympic medal when so many people seemed to be dedicated to making him retire from competitions.
It takes a toll on you, those thoughts, but more than anything, if you let them consume your everyday life, they can take away who you are and leave only a small trace of who you used to be.
"You don't have any confidence in yourself anymore." he eventually muttered as she finished talking and looked patiently at him.
"Yes, because I can no longer do the things I used to."
"That's just the thing, you can still do it all, you just think you don't because you're taking the longer, harder way now."
Izumi knew it all, of course. She had thought about it over and over again, how the system was and how much she wanted to be able to succeed by being as good as her child-self wanted to be.
"But the problem is that I'm not just fighting against myself."
"And that's exactly what you should take as motivation."
She stared at him in confusion. Just what exactly did he mean by that?"What?"
"The system will always be corrupted, even if there are slight improvements, this sport hasn't changed in years and I doubt it ever will. Money is power. My motivation was at an all-time high when I thought about beating all my competitors despite that. I always wanted them to skate cleanly and still win."
He saw a smile settle on her face, it seemed like the girl wasn't even surprised to hear that from him. Well, anyone who followed him close enough would be familiar with the way he saw competitions.
"I envy the trust you always had in yourself. You never made compromises in your tech to make things easier."
"The truth is, I couldn't afford it, not after winning the 2 Olympic medals. They wanted me out, any sacrifice I could make on my tech would be called, that I can assure you."
She seemed surprised with how honest he was being, exposing things that he would never utter out loud for the media to hear. It seemed like the truth was mutual and he was willing to share those deep thoughts if it meant that it would help her in any way.
"But with you on the panel, Tsuzuki-sensei seems to believe that it's the start of a new era."
Yuzuru gave her the most gentle of smiles before he shook his head.
"As much as I would like to change things, my current professional situation makes this whole tech specialist thing not sustainable for the long term."
"Then why are you even here? It's not as if you needed it."
It surprised Yuzu to see her speak about it so openly. Gone was the girl who barely looked at him in the eye.
"Tsuzuki-sensei asked me to. I'm sure you know what that's like. Saying no to him is very hard for me."
When he said that, Yuzu noted that she looked confused and it wasn't even hard to imagine the thoughts inside her head.
Why would the old coach even ask him to do something like that?
Yuzuru himself and questioned the same in his thoughts a few days before. Listening to her words now, he could see right through it.
Tsuzuki-sensei wanted to show his student that judging could be fair, at least on the tech side of it.
Once again, the methods he used were controversial, but it didn't surprise Yuzuru that the old man was trying to prove a point like this. The sensei never expected him to stick to it in the first place, he just wanted people to know what it would be like.
And all of that would be visible when the competition started.
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Deep Edges | Yuzuru Hanyu
RomanceBeing a skater can make you feel things that not a lot of other sports can. It can be joyful and make you feel like a champion, just as it can make you reach rock bottom and lose yourself. Izumi might have learned it in the worst of ways. Her journe...