Deep Edges | Yuzuru Hanyu

45.

"Zumi... you know I wouldn't ask and you know I don't want to meddle in your private life when it's none of my business, but has he done something to you?" 

She smiled instantly at the new abbreviation of her name and just allowed her head to fall back onto the couch.

"I don't know if I should talk about this with you."

"Why not?"

"Because I've seen you naked and I know how you are in bed..." Izumi barely realized that she had just given him a major hint about what was going on.

"So it's a sex thing."

Blushing, Izumi nodded.

"Not just that, but I kind of realized some things now and maybe I'm figuring out that I don't know him as well as I thought."

She noticed Yuzuru gulping and his face turning serious before he finally asked.

"Did he hurt you?"

What could she even answer to that? Pain could be a kink for some for there was just something about the way Akito had changed in bed that concerned her. Because she never really asked for the change and as boring as sex used to be with her fiance, it was better than being forced into something you didn't want.

Yuzuru seemed to take her silence as a definitive answer and just when he was about to say something more, she spoke.

"It's hard to explain."

"You just said it, you've seen me naked, we had sex before, you know we can talk about these things and I won't judge."

You could be certain that Izumi never thought she would be discussing her relationship's sex life with Yuzuru but the truth was that she needed to confide in someone and given her lack of female friends, he was the one person that she found herself comfortable enough to allow the conversation to happen.

"Whatever I say, stays in this room."

"Come on, you know I wouldn't..."

"Alright..." she breathed in before sorting the thoughts in her head. "So... you know that before you, I had very little experience, you know... just one or two guys."

"Hum, hum..." 

"And I don't know, maybe I just got used to how things were with us, since it's the most recent of experiences but with him, huh...most of the time, things were quite light...you know..."

"Usual vanilla sex." he uttered with a smirk, knowing that things with them were always a bit different, no matter what they did.

"Sure... and it's fine, I got used to it and it wasn't that hard to get in the mood. I do find him attractive."

Yuzuru chose to ignore and pretend he didn't hear her say she found the other man hot, just for the sake of his sanity, before moving on.

"Then what's the problem? If you're not enjoying yourself, maybe it's just a matter of speaking to him about changing things a bit." 

That wasn't necessarily the truth, but admitting to Yuzu that the other man couldn't get her to climax was a topic that she wasn't ready to explore.

"That's the thing, it used to be that way but now... Something about seeing you hugging me changed the way he is and sometimes it's scary."

"Scary? So he did hurt you..."

Yuzuru's expression shifted from a teasing lightheaded smirk to a full-on pissed face.

"He's just a bit rough, nothing too crazy."

"Zumi... we did rough and you enjoyed it... at least I think you did" A red tint was instantly on her cheeks as she nodded and remembered the occasional times when she had begged Yuzu to do it in that way.

"It was different."

"How so?"

"Because you always took the time to get me ready and well, I barely needed preparation with you."

It was so weird for her to admit this to his face. The truth was that whenever Yuzuru had been concerned, her body had always been openly ready for anything.

"Oh no, no... You're telling me he just went for it?"

"I don't mind it that much."

"Did it hurt?"

"A bit, but nothing too crazy."

"You're a figure skater with high pain tolerance. Sex is not supposed to hurt so forgive me if I'm worried that he's not treating you well."

"I'm used to it by now, it's just that this last time... huh... he just started calling me names, and god, Yuzu, I know it can be sexy but it just felt like he degrading me."

"That's not ok and you know it."

"Sure, but what can I do? The last thing I want is to make him even more pissed."

"You do realize you're admitting that you're afraid of him?" 

Yuzuru was pissed. The man was lucky enough to have her in his life, to have her wearing a ring, and just decided to treat her as if she was an object? Izumi was too beautiful and too precious to be treated in that way.

"It's just this possessive side of his that I didn't know about."

"And you say I'm not the one to blame..."

"You're not. If anything, you're just showing me that I may need to reconsider things and get to know him better."

"Reconsider? You mean marrying him?"

Yuzuru took the chance as soon as it presented itself, there was no way he wouldn't try to understand just how far those doubts of hers went. All he wanted was to find a little gap that would allow him to crawl his way back into her heart.

Izumi didn't miss the way that made Yuzu lighten up, the little knowledge that maybe there was still a chance enough to make him consider everything.

"Can I admit something? It's really weird to say it to you, but I need to say it to someone."

"I just told you that you can tell me anything. I'm here to listen to anything you may need."

With a deep breath, Izumi finally said what had been in her head for months, maybe even before she had accepted the proposal.

"I don't love him."