The Boy I Love -HEDRIC (2)

52.(C) like my soul mate

CEDRIC

LXXX

Can someone mourn their own death?

Breathing hurt, and he felt empty inside.

He was still lying frozen in his seat when Malcolm appeared.

The smile he was wearing faded when he found Cedric in his bed. 

Fighting the urge to groom himself as much as he could, Cedric held the book in his lap and felt Malcolm's eyes widen. "You're not going to tell me this is part of the Divination curriculum, are you?"

Malcolm shifted his weight to the side. "I wouldn't say that because…"

"Because I don't think I would believe you, but if you want to try…" 

“Cedric,” Malcolm sighed, plopping down next to him. "Cedric, Cedric."

"So... you knew it, right? You knew I wouldn't just get hurt from the Tournament."

"I wasn't sure at first," he answered softly. "It occurred to me that maybe… Maybe I was exaggerating. Maybe the reason the feeling felt worse than with Fred was because you're my best friend since first year. I adore Fred, but I know this is a bigger connection. Different. I took that book because I still had my doubts."

"You no longer doubt it," Cedric spoke with a trembling certainty.

A grimace crossed Malcolm's face. “I talked to my mother during winter break."

Cedric's stomach dropped at what that implied.

That Harry, Malcolm and now Cecily…

Too much evidence pointing to the same terrible fact.

"I didn't want to tell you and I didn't want to believe it either, but she confirmed it to me. She perceived it that day you came to my house, when she hugged you... A gloomy, dull air. I'm still mad at her for not mentioning it sooner…"

He remembered the visit to the Preeces and her insistence on knowing how he was.

Cedric thought she was just being nice...

"It seems to me that she suspected that you might decide to end your life. Sometimes she has that feeling with certain patients."

"And…" Cedric began to ask, his throat dry, "what happened to them?"

" Someone's life is not always in our hands, says my mother. Sometimes our life isn't even in our own hands. Sometimes she has helped to make amends. Other times it wasn't possible. She says no one holds the blame for it in most cases."

He was encouraged to verbalize a ray of hope that was looming: "Does she think that… that something can be done about it?"

"She didn't want to give me any illusions when she doesn't know."

“ Shit, Malcolm. I can't believe this is actually happening."

Far from being disturbed by the inadvertence of his own insult, he closed his eyes tightly.

Trying to breathe even though it hurt.

Through blurry vision, he looked at Malcolm.

The only reason Cedric wasn't ashamed to renew the remaining tears on his cheeks was because his best friend seemed to be in worse shape, with his elbow on his leg and one of his hands gripping his hair as if he didn't mind ruining his perfect curls. 

Where Harry had been positive, Malcolm had broken down.

And Cedric too.