the silence of despair. ONE PIECE

9. for some an epilogue, for nami a prologue

Note: so long ass chapter like 45 pages, Arlong Park arc in one chapter yeah-! East blue saga is almost finished! good read and enjoy!

"Home is the first grave of burning child."

Nami is cold.

The type of cold that sharpens your fingertips in ice and destroys your heart. She stands in this room, where the cold strangles her and sorrow has taken over every fragment of her broken mind. (And the warmth of her nakamas (can she still refer to them as such after fleeing and betraying them like the cold-hearted bitch she is) seems so far away).

Her knees and fingers shiver at the sight of the desk that she despises so much, the pen smeared with dried blood, and the spot where she had pulled the skin from her fingers so many years ago.

The anguish of shredding her skin was the only way out from these nightmares where numbness had taken over her thoughts and locked her, the pain reminding her that she was still alive (she is still alive, alive with hatred encasing her, rage infused in her lungs and revenge proclaimed in her blood).

Nami's soul cries and weeps as she views those chains lying in the coin of this room (prison) from the corner of her eyes. The chains darkened up by the dust of time and her long-dried blood lay on the floor like a simple object.

(A simple object when Nami can't breathe and moves without feeling them pushing her back into this room. Reminding her that she will never truly be free from the cruelty of those men who treat her body like a plaything for them. Simple object? when those chains bound her to this desk to sketch like a soulless entity to feed men's greed for money and power).

Nami is as cold as a corpse.

Yes, like a corpse. This place, this chamber, destroyed her, murdered her in such a way that even when she pleaded until her knees bled, no one came to save her. The gods watched her with delight as she was slain as a sacrifice tool to honor them.

Honor them? What is noble about her anguish, agony, and loss? What is fucking honorable about her grief? Please tell her what is noble in the price of slaving away her little soul. Feels her dreams, freedom, and will ripped from her back like a fallen angel's wings.

Nami wants to cry, laugh, and scream (and sleep because Nami is simply exhausted. Tired of battling for her freedom. Tired of striving to reclaim her hometown. Tired of her mother's ghost bidding her farewell).

The only thing that answered her calls and screams of "mama" on all those freezing nights was the weight of the chain around her ankles.

She truly wants to be angry with her mother. Blame her for abandoning her in this town while monsters have damaged her in every way. Hates her for abandoning her (a kid so young and delicate and so feeble) to sell her soul and freedom to monsters in the hope of reclaiming her home. Hates her for allowing this man to touch her and soil her like a doll to his desires and pleasures. Hates her for leaving her child's brain to sew the threads for her revenge and to bring peace to her homeland.

But, despite her want to resent her mother. She could only feel grief and love for her (and the apologies she couldn't express (sorry for letting you die, sorry for being so weak)). Nami feels incredibly bitter for trying to find a reason to despise her mother, although she was brought up as an orphan and grew up in her care.

Nami is aware that she has always been a burden to those who have loved her.

A weight for her sister, who looked after her infant self when hunger made their stomach growl in this cold land. A weight for her mother, who gave up herself for her (because she knows that if Nami didn't exist, this money would have been enough for Noriko and her Bellemere to survive) and a burden for this crew, whom she had grown to care for and cherish, once they see how selfish she is they will abandon her like the useless person she is.