Billie Eilish Imagines | my love

tic attack

Billie's POV

"no no no no no no not here not right now fuck fuck fuck fuck" I'm getting a tic attack and me and y/n are backstage and I'm right about to go onstage.

"Billie it's okay, you're okay. Maggie can you get her essential oils?" Maggie nods and goes through her purse to find the bottle. My head keeps jerking to the right, and it starts hurting my neck really bad, and I wince. "Baby what hurts?" "my neck" She reaches her hand out and starts rubbing the side of my neck that was exposed. My head jerked back to the other side, and hit her hand/wrist. "Shit I'm sorry I'm so sorry" "No no no no you're okay baby, it's not your fault." The music for 'Bury a friend' starts to play, and I'm still backstages. I just run onstage and try to stop my tics, and it's fine for about a minute but then i start thinking about them again and because I'd been holding them back it just makes it 10 times worse when you finally let them out, and I broke. I had been holding them back all day because I had 2 interviews before this, and met a bunch of fans.

I started having another tic attack, and it was so so much worse this time. I hadn't had the tic that makes me hit at my throat in about a month, but now it came back. I haven't told the public about it yet and now everyone is gonna think I'm crazy. I just run off stage out of embarrassment and into y/n's arms, crying. She's the only one I feel this safe with.

"Shh it's okay baby I got you. It's okay. Breathe with me okay? Follow my breathing." She takes deep breathes and I mimic her breathing pattern, and it calms me down after a bit, and my tics start to calm down. "You don't have to go back onstage if you don't want to, okay love? We can reschedule it. I shake my head. "It's okay, I'm okay." She gives me a quick kiss before I go back onstage.

Everyone in the crowd was asking if I was okay and what happened, and I just decided it's time to tell them. "Guys, I have tourettes, so basically what that is for anyone who doesn't know what it is, it's like these random movements and tics that I can't control. I'm okay, I was just holding them back a a lot today, and that makes them like 10 times worse when you finally let them out, but I'm okay now. You all are so sweet for caring so much." I continue with the set, and finish the show without any issues.

I finish the show and run back into y/n's arms again. "You did so fucking good baby I'm so proud of you".

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idk how to end this anywhos