[I.N's POV]
Chan hyung's funeral, something I had never wanted to even imagine. Even now, as I was staring at his coffin, my heart wouldn't accept that he really was gone.
I was already 94 years old, but I still felt like a kid whenever I thought of Chan hyung. Lee Know hyung couldn't attend the funeral, he was bedridden. And though we didn't want it to be true, the rest of us knew he was living his last days too. He too, would soon leave us.
I visited him everyday as if my life depended on it. I needed time and love to heal, but those are the only two things I didn't get. All I saw were hospital floors and walls and Minho and the rest of the members.
In only about month or so, Lee know hyung left us too. We felt deja vu as we hugged him tight in the hospital. I again, attended a funeral I wished would never come by. It was painful, and as I stared at the coffin, my heart slowly realised that this was the end, soon enough, all my hyungs would leave me.
I thought to myself, does this really happen to everyone after their 'happily ever after'. That's so misleading! Why can't our loved ones live forever after with us? Why must they leave?
Thankfully after lee know hyung's funeral, everybody stayed with me for a whole year or so. The fear of losing everyone and the pain of losing Chan hyung and Minho hyung was just starting to fade when Hyunjin hyung fell ill.
As soon as I got the news I broke down in tears. I knew his time was up too, but I didn't want it to be true. I prayed and cried day and night.
The rest of the members also prayed that he'll recover but he said, "I am happy, I'll be with Chan hyung and Minho soon" everytime I begged him to live longer. It wasn't fair, I want to be with Chan hyung too, I want to see Minho hyung too. When will I join them?
After 2 weeks of being bedridden, Hyunjin hyung left for the afterlife too, for the third time, us maknaes and Changbin felt the pain of hugging someone goodbye.
I have nothing but respect for Changbin hyung. He was trembling as he let me cry into his, still muscular shoulder, but he tried his best to "stay strong for me". Almost immediately after Hyunjin's departure, Seungmin fell sick.
I had received uncountable hugs from seungmin, even though they were all mostly "awkward" and 'disgusting'.
but the hug that I received from him before he passed away felt like the shortest and most bitter hugs of all time. I felt his body turn cold. It was horrifying. It felt as if I might die right then and there too.
It was painful to stand again, on a fourth funeral. I wished I was the body in the casket. Me and seungmin were like Tom and Jerry, we always quarreled but deep down, we really cared about each other. I missed him dearly and held onto changbin, felix and Han for dear life.
Changbin hyung had finally started using a walking stick, but he was still very active. He visited me very often, and comforted me. He jokingly called me yongbok on purpose to reminisce the old days.
He even laughed and said "it's the way of life baby! People live, people leave! It's alright!" He always laughed and smiled around me but I could see that deep down, he was shattered into a million pieces of memories.
Felix fell ill a month later. I was so hurt that I couldn't even cry. As I was sitting next to his hospital bed, all I could do was stare and feel my chest physically ache. Once I lose Felix hyung, life would truly be all dark, because he was the sunshine of my life, of stray kids.
In his last moments, he smiled and said, "it's okay in-ah, we'll see eachother again, don't cry at my funeral okay?" I hugged him, still not being able to cry. The pain was so bad that I couldn't feel my lungs anymore.
As I hugged Felix for the last time, I felt as if I might die then and there with him, and I wish I did because, at his funeral, Han cried so much, that he left me too, not more than a week later. He didn't even meet us, he left me and Changbin without a goodbye.
We didn't even know he was sick, he just isolated himself for a week and by the time we met him it was already too late. I sat in his funeral, feeling betrayed, I was getting weaker.
I only had changbin hyung left by my side. He was my everything for the next few months.
Age and grief caught up, and he fell sick too. He tried to fight it, and I really thought he's succeed, but wishing for someone to fight a natural death is nothing but foolishness.
He left me too. And there I was, sitting at the funeral of my last Hyung. I was truly all alone. I didn't even feel my heart beating anymore. If someone gave me poison, I would smile and thank them before chugging it.
Sure, I had my children and grandchildren, but the pain of losing my hyungs was too heavy. They basically raised me. I was a fragile little 16 year old boy when Chan hyung self claimed himself my dad.
I no longer wanted to see any of my family, I felt guilty for avoiding them like that, but I couldn't help it. I took out stray kids albums, watched our funny, or as stay put it, 'iconic' compilations. It was both satisfying and painful to see all my hyungs, young and kicking.
If a genie magically appeared, I would ask for only one wish and that would be to be my 17 year old self again. Together with my hyungs, all still very young, making rebellious, noisy music. I lost my appetite. I refused to leave my room.
And at one point, my family had accepted it too, I was going to join my hyungs very soon.
---------------🥀🥀🥀---------------
To be continued. . .
Please vote, comment and share if you like the!<3
YOU ARE READING
In Our Next Life(stray kids FF)
Fanfiction"I want to see you again in my next life, and the life after that, and the life after that and forever," I thought to myself.
