You knew me already?//Billie Eilish

not like you

August 5th:

-Lisa's pov-

I woke up to my alarm going off. No, I can't do this. 

I hit snooze once because I wasn't ready to get up and go to work after having two weeks off. While all my friends were still enjoying their summer ebbing the unemployed fucks they are, I had to face the reality of working again.

Sometimes, I wondered why I even took on this job. Initially, it was a part-time position, but since they were highly understaffed, I worked 30-40 hours a week, all while studying for my Master's Degree. Somehow, I made it work, but it was only a matter of time before I would quit or be burnt out.

Today was not that day, though. So I finally got up and washed my face with ice-cold water. My face was very puffy because I cried myself to sleep yesterday. Everything has been a struggle since returning from Portugal a few days ago, and I was super emotional because of what happened with Billie.

Since then, I have met up with my friends twice but have kept quiet about what had happened. I didn't even mention the situation with Max because we were all in the same friend group, and I didn't want to start any drama or have people up in my business.

Only when I was alone did the sadness overwhelm me, and I found myself crying a lot. Trying to find solace, I turned to smoking weed, as it had helped in the past, but it resulted in a panic attack. So, I gave that up again.

I don't know how I could get attached to somebody so quickly, and I hated myself for it because it was very out of character for me to catch feelings so easily.

I also thought a lot about what Billie said to me on the beach - that I was sick and that she felt disgusted for having something with me. It replayed in my head over and over again. I hoped she no longer felt that way. I wondered if she was still thinking about me at all.

She performed at Lollapalooza a few days ago and did very well, as always. She dyed her roots red, which I first mistook for a headband until I realized it was actually her hair.

On TikTok, I saw an adorable fan interaction at a pop-up store. It made me tear up because she was so nice and looked way too happy, so I had to close the app to calm myself down.

I got to the office that morning and greeted everyone with a dry „Morning." There was never much interaction between my colleagues, so I just sat down at my desk and started entering the data I had collected. It was a struggle to concentrate and ensure the accuracy of the datasets. My boss soon noticed mistakes in my reports and asked me to be more careful. Typing in those mind-numbing numbers all day was draining.

At the end of the workday, I returned home and crawled into bed. Today had been too much for me. I decided to FaceTime with my best friend Hannah and tell her about what happened with Billie. I just needed someone to talk to because I could no longer be alone with my thoughts. Hannah seemed genuinely sorry for me, but there was nothing she or anyone else could do really other than listen to me.

I wanted to contact Billie again, but she had made it very clear she didn't want to talk to me anymore, so I left it because I didn't want to be pathetic.

The rest of the week passed by. I was doing a little better at the end of it. I spent most of my free time with Anne, a lady in her mid-sixties with whom I have become very close over the past year. Honestly, she was one of the people I was closest with.  I didn't mind the age difference. We were alike, and I always had a good time with her. 

She owns a small weekend house with private lake access. This week, I went there every day after work to swim and chat with her. It was a good distraction. 

I confided with Anne about the Billie situation and how I messed up, but she did not know who Billie was nor understood the situation's complexity. 

„Why don't you apologize to her then?" she asked.

„I tried to do that, but she was having none of it," I explained.

„Well, try again then. Why would you give up so easily that's not like you?"

"Do you realize she's thousands of kilometers away from me? How am I supposed to make that work?"

„Just try again." Anne persisted. "She wanted to tell you she like you in Paris. You think she instantly fell out of love with you just because you lied to her?" she asked, making me think.

Anne's words fed into my delusions. Fuck. But maybe she was right, and I should fight for Billie.

Only one idea came to mind as I considered what I could do to get her back.

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Song: My guilty pleasure fr