Parallel {My Second Life As Sakura Haruno}

My Mundane Life(7)

I felt angrier than normal. I noticed it almost instantly when I woke up to the real world. That frustration that builds up in your chest. The moment it starts, it burns up what I like to call a 'god-sized' hole. A hole that can't be fully repaired until you get what you desire most, and even after that, there's no way to guarantee it will go away.

Right now, my god-sized hole needed to have a stern talking with my Mom. The reminder of my Dad was still fresh in my brain from the dream. 'I need to talk to my Mom. I need to talk to my Mom. I need to talk to my Mom. I need to talk to my Mom. I need to-"

My finger outstretched to the call button on the bed, pressing it down. The slight click accompanied by a sound that vaguely reminded me of an airplane.

I waited in silence, accompanied only by the sound of my heart monitor and the absolute determination to obtain what I want.

A few minutes later, a disheveled nurse strolled in. "Did you need something?"

I stared at her for a moment, my words becoming trapped in my stomach. 'Why did I want this?'

I forced the words out. "Can you contact my Mom? I want to see her." The nurse nodded and quickly sent a smile that I assume is fake. "I'll see what I can do."

The nurse left and I was stuck in my own body again. A stranger to the environment. 'These vivid dreams feel so... real. Jumping from roof to roof was probably the most exciting thing I've ever done. Sometimes I think that I should've existed there instead of here. Somewhere like that? That's where I belong.'

I wait longer. Waiting was my life now. No matter how much time passed, nothing would change. I found myself trapped in my mind, searching for a fond memory to take me away from the fears I desperately ignore.

'The orange haired girl floats in the pool, her Dad swimming towards her. Dad lifts her up and she jumps back into the water, giggling and laughing the entire way down. While the two dry off, the girl watches a group of kids using water guns on each other. "Hey Dad, why am I not like the other kids?" Dad looks at her and ruffles her hair. "You're too good for them!"

The girl smiles and laughs in response, ignoring the internal dread at the dodgy answer. 

The scene cuts to a different time. The same orange haired girl, standing outside watching the kids playing tag while she digs holes in the dirt. Like an outsider. Like she wasn't alive. Like she shouldn't be alive. That feeling only grew.'

Stella scrunches up her eyebrows and tightly closes her eyes. 'Not that one not that one not that one-'

The nurse re-entered the room, peering in. "Miss Stella? We've contacted your Mom, she'll be here in 15-30 minutes."

'Great, more time to myself to sit around and think.' I try to relax my expression, to not appear like I'm glaring at the nurse. "Great, thanks. That was all I needed."

The nurse nods and ducks out of the room to go do other nurse stuff that she probably wasn't paid enough for.

I sit in silence for the first minutes. '...'

A few minutes in delusion, 'Lalalalala I'm not hospitalized, I'm a ninja! Why's everything yellow? Yellow? Hello? Jello? Wow, I love rhyming!'

A couple more minutes in internal misogyny, 'Maybe I should be smiling more? I hate the color pink and dresses because they're for brainwashed sheep, why'd I have to be a useless fangirl like Sakura who doesn't do anything in the series and only serves as a love interest for the brooding teenager?'

And the rest in existential dread. 'What's the point of it all, I'm going to die. What have I done with my life? No one's going to remember me. I'm worthless, I can't believe I think I'm in Naruto. I must be hallucinating or something to be thinking like this. Or maybe I should be diagnosed with a new illness. 'ninja-itis' or something. What would be the symptoms for that? Just thinking you're a ninja? Maybe investing in too much ninja-themed merch? Probably one of them would be being an idiot who cares about nothing except a good piece of fiction. Everyone should have ninja-itis. It gives you awesome dreams about being something and becoming something that you'd never be.'

The door opens and Mom walks in. I stare at her. I can't remember why I wanted her here in the first place anymore. Mom sits down at the edge of the bed. She takes the initiative to talk. "Is everything okay?"

I automatically criticize her in my mind.  'Wow, why'd you think I called you here, genius?' I mentally slap the voice that said that. 'Shut it, I asked her to come here, the least I could do is not talk badly about the woman who went through the trouble of birthing me.' The first voice retorts, 'It's too easy to find bad qualities about her, and I've always hated her? What makes the difference now?' The second voice, frustrated, increases its volume. 'I don't know! Don't ask me! I thought we were trying to be happy and be a good person and make amends or something?!' A third voice picks up. 'Did you know that the word 'happy' was coined in the Middle English period? On another note, gay is a synonym for happy, or was used as one in the early 20th century. Well, I don't know that, but I watched West Side Story!'

The inner voices continued to fight, so the outer voice perked up. "Mom, I'm gay." That got the inner voices to shut up and instead panic about the sentence formed from my mouth.

My Mom froze on the spot for a good ten seconds. She continued as if I had just told her I didn't like chicken. "Well, that's nice, Stella." I added on at the end, 'What would you like for dinner instead?'

I coughed, feeling a slight pain in my chest as I did so. "Wait, no, I didn't- I meant-" My Mom shushed me and shook her head. "Oh no, it's fine, don't feel ashamed, I'm okay with it. Actually, it's nice you're finally opening up to me, and-"

Her phone rang and she got off the bed. "Sorry, Stella, I have to take this."

I pressed my lips into a thin line and nodded briefly. My voice squeaked like a door on its hinges. "It's fine, go."

The moment my Mom left the room, I felt myself relax. A sudden wave of exhaustion flooded over me and I felt like drifting off to sleep. I tried to keep my eyes open. 'So... Sleepy... No, I still need to talk to her about Dad... I'll go to Naruto if I go to sleep and I won't want to leave.'

The tiredness persisted, and my eyes closed before I could stop them.

The last thing I heard was my Mom shouting into the phone.