"I hope I gave you some to believe in, cause none left for me."
"The softest soul can't hurt a fly."
"If I die before I wake, then it's my soul for him to take."
"We can do whatever we want, but boy don't you dare go falling in love."
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(Sinaloa, Mexico 1999)
Waking up to gunshots in the middle of the night was never easy, my mother did her best to help us fall asleep with a song. It was the most calming feeling ever, especially to be in her arms. Raising 4 kids by herself was never easy, more of the fact that they were quadruplets, hard-headed but loving kids. Sinola has a big crime rate, the cartels were everywhere, trying to rope people into their business. Kidnappings and violent crimes were big there too.
"Shhh, esta bien hijos, Estoy despierta para protegerte." The calming words from her mouth were just as equivalent to a lullaby.
My so-called father was just dumb enough to fall for it, from what my mom would tell us. He was a loving, caring, and kind man... When he wasn't drunk, but when he was, we would receive the ass whipping of a lifetime. We struggled with money, my father was the only one working, which is part of the reason why he was drunk.
My father adored his sons but despised me for being a girl, my mom was trying her best to make me believe that he loved me, but she was wrong. The amount of scars on my body says otherwise, some are mostly covered up with tattoos now, which stops people from asking too many questions. Whether it was from a hot knife on my stomach, slaps to the face, or belts hitting me on my arms or bottom, it was traumatizing. By the age of 16 I was self-harming, my arms, it was a thing I always kept hidden, even my brothers didn't know.
One night, I heard the sound of gunshots, it wasn't from afar this time. But what I didn't know was it was coming from my own house, my brothers got used to the sound of gunshots and screams, they were so asleep they couldn't hear anything... But I did.
"Mama? Adonde estas?" I called out to her but no response, I got up from the small mattress that we were sleeping on because that was all we could afford at the time and I went looking for her. Every time I would wake up from a nightmare, she would be there to reassure me, she was the reason why I had hoped, to work my hardest to get out of Mexico and provide her a better life, God had other plans.
I go looking into the living room and see her standing. A man points his gun at me and my mother covers me with her body and next thing you know, her body is on the ground, pools of blood surrounding her. Tears were pouring out of my eyes, the man who killed her was halfway through the door and stopped to look at me. His neck tattoo of an anchor looked recognizable, he looked at me with dead cold eyes and that's when I realized it was my father who had taken the life of my beautiful mother.
"Mama, mama, levántate! Apollo! Bien aquí!" I called out to my brothers, specifically Apollo, all three boys came in and saw me covered in blood, her blood.
"Está muerta!" I saw her die right in front of my eyes, her blood even managed to get on me when she was shot. I was never the same after that night. My brothers either, but we all coped in different ways. Me and my brother were bad kids, we stole from people to get enough money to pay off the coyotes to help us get across the border without being caught.
Coyotes don't usually work with cartels but we had nothing that was there left for us to stay in Mexico. We paid them good money and for the next four months we gathered all we could, wasn't enough but believe it or not they had pity that were kids.
Once we crossed over the border, we got caught by border patrol, we weren't sent back because they couldn't find our father. They put us in foster care, we hopped from foster home to foster home hoping for a permanent place, they were mostly using us for child labor, I lost count of how many times were placed into different homes. They refused to separate me and my brothers which I was at least thankful for. Learned English because of school and somehow our accents went away, we were even at the top of class which is how I met Serena. She made life more easier to live in, she the was first person that I could call my friend and we still talk to this day. We would die for each other in the end, she was the first to see how much of a monster Ryker was.
After we graduated high school, I went on a rampage, doing a lot of shitty things not even worth mentioning but my brothers went to college on a scholarship. Well Apollo and Andreas did, atlas was scouted by a model agent and moved to LA. I didn't have anything to lose anymore so, while my dumbass was holding on to dear life I joined the Air Force. I was small compared to the others, they thought I was fucking insane, even thought I would be blown over by the wind.
I was told I had fast instincts so they had me try to be a medic. Well, I did, and turns out I kinda enjoyed it, I would talk to my brothers once in a while but they knew deep down this was the best for me. One night being stationed in Germany made me see things differently, while attending a patient, our hospital was attacked.
Some didn't make it but I was one of the few that did. I was unconscious and lost a lot of blood. When I was taken to the hospital because of a gunshot wound, I needed a blood transfusion and of course, my brothers offered but Atlas was the one who ended up doing it. Once I woke up from a coma, I saw the cute face of my nephew, Santi was 4 when it happened.
I earned my Purple Heart and I decided that it was far too dangerous to put myself in that situation, my family was scared to death, wondering if I would ever wake up. I decided to join LAFD because it was a way that I could still do my job but with less of the possibility of dying and being with my family at the same time. My first fire station was the 129, they hated me, I was in my world, fresh out of the military, and only cared about one thing, my family.
I met my ex-boyfriend Ryker at the age of 20, the honeymoon phase was long-term. Until he saw me hanging out with Serena too much and thought that I didn't love him. He was manipulating me, telling me if I loved him I would cut off everyone in my life. Lovebombing was a big thing in our relationship, after every fight he would buy me things, they never meant shit to me though. One night he got aggressive, and I feared for my life, he wrapped his hands around my wrists, leaving them with purple marks. I showed up in tears at Apollo's house, and that's when Apollo made the worst decision ever.
My father was involved with the cartel and they take care of one another's family when one is incarcerated. Apollo visited our father in prison and told him what happened but Apollo told him, it was himself trying to get rid of Ryker not for me. and he sent bad people after Ryker but Apollo didn't know what he was getting himself into after he made contact with the devil himself after so many years. I was freed from Ryker, but my lack of self-awareness was starting.
I disobeyed orders in a fire and it got me sent to the 110, same story, just a different outcome. I was the one who requested the transfer, not because I felt outta place. hell I was glad to be away from those assholes but I ended up hating the amount of disorganization in that house, it was disgusting.
Then I ended up in 136, at first they welcomed m then not too long later I got into a fight more like a brawl with another girl in the firehouse. She wanted to date Apollo, I didn't care, it was his life but I caught the little stank fucking some other guy in the fire truck. She got fired and everyone else started to hate me because they blamed me for her getting fired, if anything I did them a favor.
Once we were on a call we were all professional, the one thing that they all had in common was talking shit about me, I loved the amount of attention they gave me. I mean spending your time talking about me is like having my very own paparazzi, following and judging my every move.
I didn't know the tsunami was exactly what I needed, there was where I met Eddie, he was nice but at that moment I found it weird how friendly he was. The one 118 is different from the others, they respected one another and were a family.
I'm just learning what one looks like, except Buck, at first he was different from everyone else. He hated me for being his replacement but I did not care I just wanted him to stay far away from me. Now he learned his lesson, but I have a fear that it's going a different way. I can't have feelings for him, I won't allow myself to be in the hands of someone else just for them to leave.
