"I hope I gave you some to believe in, cause none left for me."
"The softest soul can't hurt a fly."
"If I die before I wake, then it's my soul for him to take."
"We can do whatever we want, but boy don't you dare go falling in love."
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The whole day was awkward, I only talked to Buck only if we were on calls and it required me to, if I poured out my heart to you I don't think we're just still coworkers. Friends at least but It was a way for me to start the conversation and ask him why we were really hanging out. Eddie had texted me earlier and told me that he was at home with Christopher and if I wanted to hang out, I told him I thought he was busy. At least that was what Buck told me, he said Buck didn't even call him, that's why I started getting suspicious. I'm not a labels person but it's the thought that counts. Chim, hen, Eddie, and I were in the locker room, I was in there mostly to use my phone.
"Albert is annoying but maybe he's right. Things with me and Addie are great but were not exactly lighting the world on fire." Eddie was putting on his vest while I was about to leave he closed the door in front of me. "You stay. Chim, only you know how you feel about Maddie."
"I really care about her." hen calls him out the dreaded c-word, "I really care about good arch support, that's not how you feel about your significant other."
"Obviously, I care about her more than good footwear" I just sat on the bench listening to them talk about how chim and Maddie aren't horny teenagers. Their relationship is struggling on the intimate side. "Do you love her?" he sighs. "Yeah."
"Does she love you?" I would normally intervene but today everyone is getting a break from my opinions and sarcasm. "It's unclear. I mean I feel like she does but neither of us have actually said those exact words out loud."
"You've been together for like a year." hen says. "Technically we've been dating for 10 months and 3 weeks." as I try to leave Eddie once again stops me at the door. "Sit your ass down," Eddie tells me and I gives me the most mature answer. "Yes, Dad" hen starts laughing. "With everything she's been through, you know, we've been through. We just wanted to take it slow."
"Glaciers move faster chim." Eddie and Hen chuckle. "what is going on with you? I haven't seen you and Buck at each other's throats all day. He looks at you as if he's waiting to apologize for killing your dog."
"Nothing, I'm just living in peace, but if you truly want to know? Go ahead and ask Buck, maybe he'll tell you the truth." I get up and leave as Buck makes his way to the locker room. "Hey, guys? Reynolds wants to do a lineup." Bobby left us with a pain in the ass captain, he went on a trip with Michael and his son Harry. _________________________________
"Buck, what happened with Artemis? She's been quiet all day and hasn't made a snarky remark which to me sounds like she's planning a murder." Buck tells Eddie to follow him outside so the brunette won't hear the truth. After explaining everything, Eddie understands why she's mad but he wonders why is she starting to care about what Buck says.
"Are you ever gonna tell her or gee ask her what's going with her? Buck, Artemis has walls up surrounding her for a reason, try not to be so quick and be a hero and try to knock them down." chim called Maddie and asked her on a real date to tell her he loves her, and she showed up at the station before her shift started.
"You know I can't let things go like this, now she won't even talk to me. I'm sorry I shouldn't have roped you into this, it was kinda the only excuse I could have." Eddie pats his shoulder and they hug each other. "It's fine buck, you know I care about her too, I just don't want her to go back to where she was from day 1." Buck nods his head and then goes to Artemis to get inside her car. The 118 had a night shift, a brutal night, everyone was half asleep, she tried to open his door but was stopped by a hand. She looks at him weirdly. "Excuse you?"
"Can we talk?" what was wrong with me, the old me would have let this go so easily and not care. "Funny you ask me, shouldn't you be the one asking yourself if you're ready to talk?" he's nervous, his hands are in his pockets and he tries to answer my answer then speaks up. "Please Artemis I have to explain to you, you deserve to know everything."
"Fine, go ahead, I'm all ears." I stared out the window, and couldn't even stand looking at him. "I'm gonna start from the beginning, that night when chim and Maddie invited us to do karaoke, she told us she talked to you and you didn't have one word she said. I was clueless about what was going on until we went to your house. I noticed the scars on your arm Artemis, Maddie and I thought you were being hurt." now I know what this is about, so much for trying to keep them hidden. I stayed silent, I didn't know what to say or didn't even know if it was worth saying anything.
"It's not what you think it is buck, something happened when I was younger, some of them were caused by someone. Others by myself, I don't want to get into it but there's more to your story, spill it." I glance over at him and see him fiddling with his rings. "After Maddie had that encounter with you at the bar, she was worried about you but soon she told me to knock it off. I planned to hang out with you and try to bring up the conversation, that's what yesterday was about."
"So everything was fake? Every fucking time I would tell you something personal all you did was analyze my words to see if I was being abused? You are unbelievable, Buck. I told you one too many times to stay out of my business, you can't fix everything! Who else was involved with this?" everyone begins to hear the yelling between me and Buck, Eddie jogs over and stops me before I can slap Buck. "I'm so not doing this right now." I try to get into my car and Buck tries to talk again. "cmon Artemis, I just want to know your safe."
"Alright, you two calm down." Eddie tried to play peacemaker but ended up failing.
"Oh really? I have told you already I'm fine, I don't need you to come and save me if there's nothing wrong going on here. What did you honestly think that was happening?" this was the first time I actually felt hurt, I get it he was worried about me but this wasn't the way to do it.
"Artemis I can see the scars on your body-" I start to shake my head no. "No offense but I am not Maddie, whatever you think is happening went on a long time ago." I yell at Buck, "No, no don't blame him Artemis, I told him to keep an eye on you in case you were being hurt." Tears were falling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I was worried about you, I didn't mean to cross the line." Buck holds his head down in shame,
"But you thought of it, you already know enough about me buck! What more do you want? I thought we were trying to be friends after what happened."
"Please believe me, gaining your trust back after all those times I've been awful towards you, means everything to me."
Eddie tries to pull me back from hitting Buck and finally the truth gets let out. "You wanna know why I'm covered in scars because my father was an abusive alcoholic! He's the reason why my mother is dead, all these years I've kept it hidden because I didn't want to be known as the girl who was abused for most of her life, that's the reason why I don't drink. Are you glad to know about my shitty childhood? Does it put your mind at ease? Cause if that's the game you wanna play, we can play. I'm so sorry that your head is so far up your ass that it has caused you to grow blind and fucking dumb!"
"Artemis- I- I'm sorry, believe me, I want nothing more than to take everything back. But you can't expect me to not be worried about you especially after what I found out." The rest of them looked at each other, confused about what Buck was referring to.
"There you go, you brought up what I told you to never speak about, sorry isn't going to cut it. I should have never told you guys anything" I was afraid that this was gonna happen. I was thinking that this was a more permanent thing but I guess all good things come to an end.
I'm not ashamed of who I am, I'm just so tired of people using it and thinking it's my weakness. I can never escape what I went through, what pissed me off is why I had so much trust in people that I've barely known. That was my mistake and now I learned, the best way to live in peace is to give people who they want to stay away from. There is no such thing as god in my life more like pain and misery.
