When Devils Smile

Twenty One

"I've never told anyone that before," I say to Devon, after telling him about all the terrible things my brother used to do to me while I was living at home. Well, my roommates of course know but they don't know all the heavy details like Devon does now.

I don't know what made me open up to him, whether it was his inviting eyes, or warm smile. It made me want to tell him my life's story.

And I'm glad he knows now, there's still a part of me that's terrified of telling him. How my father used to inappropriatly touch my brother as a kid, and my brother thinking that was the standard thing to do so he passed it down to me. He never went too far with it luckily, he didn't quite undertsand what touching me like that meant.

He was slow, not in a cruel way.

But he was actually intellectually behind, we didn't know why. Whether it was because of being sheltered in the house all the time and not going outside, or the abuse he was subjected to since birth. But he didn't quite understand why it all happened.

And when he hurt me the same way our father hurt him, I couldn't be mad at him. He was my older brother, but I knew since a little kid that I had to be the one to look after him.

My father was the real villain in this story. He was a monster and nothing more, nothing less.

My brother clearly felt bad, which is why I have forgiven him. He killed himself and put my name on the letter, telling me the guilt was too much. The pain was embedded into his bones. Seeping out of his skin, and swimming around in his viens.

So he had enough, and he committed suicide. Fair enough.

I don't miss him, not one bit. But I'm angry for him, for how everything went down. For the abuse, he and I had to endure just because our father's desires were far greater than his job to be one.

A father.

I bathe in the fact that that bastard is locked behind bars, well. Was.

Back to the present, Devon takes a moment to collect his thoughts before nodding. He reaches out and gently scoops my hand in his, I look at them. How our fingers entwine like there meant to be together.

"Well I'm really glad you told me, thank you for opening up. I appreciate it" he says and I brighten up.

"You do?" I question back and he nods.

"Of course, it means you're trusting me, opening up and want to connect with me. And I'm happy you're feeling comfortable like that" I glance down at our tangled hands again but this time to hide my blush I know is seeping from my cheeks.

But soon he lifts my chin with his fingers so I'm looking back at him, "don't hide away, it's cute when you get all flustered. Probably the only time I get to see you speechless" he jokes in such a quiet manner that has me melting into him. His fingers leave my chin only to end up on my cheek.

Bringing me forward for a long, soft kiss that I've always longed for.

I don't know if I've gotten too close to him too quickly or if this is normal when you're falling... falling for what, I don't know. I'm not falling in love. I can't be. That would definitely be too quick, and I've never experienced love. How would I know what that feels like?

"Want to get out of here?" I smile at that.

Next moment we've left Devon's house, now wandering through the streets. I watch cars go by beeping at obnoxious drivers on the road, notice how the birds aren't fazed. Used to loud noises in this small crowded town.