When Devils Smile

Twenty four

I down the rest of the cup until every last bit of liqueur is consumed. I then throw it in my bin and check the time, it's almost the afternoon.

"Bit early to be drinking isn't it?" A voice questions from the doorway causing me to jump out of my skin. I stand up and turn around only to see Valentine, I bite my cheek so hard. We've barely spoken since I learnt he knew about the prank.

He wasn't in on it but he could have at least told me, warned me about it. Instead he let his cousin play me, so somehow his betrayal hurts more. Especially since we're supposed to be 'family', and everything. That's what he calls us anyway.

I stand up and walk over to the door and I catch the lightest bit of hope in his eyes until I piss all over it by slamming the door in his face. I hear him sigh and I turn around, resting my head on the door. Finally he leaves and I slide down to the floor, feeling tears well up in my eyes.

I shake my head and wipe them away roughly with my hands, I shouldn't be crying. It's pathetic.

Me and Devon weren't anything serious, we just started dating. It's not like I confessed my undying love to him- which I do not have by any means. But you get the point.

I shouldn't be this upset over him.

And yet here I am.

Cradling my knees to my chest as I cry my eyes out, I squeeze them shut and when they pop open I laugh. Sniffling to myself, thinking I've gone crazy. I catch a glimpse of my mirror to see my hair has grown a tad, it now curls in every single direction. Hanging down my face, I look like a right mess.

The under of my eyes are stained black from little to no sleep, nightmeres of my father and brother plaguing my mind even more lately. My skin looks paler than normal, and my face looks more sunken in.

I stand up and go to the full length mirror, raising my shirt, I pinch my sides. Barely anything comes between my fingers, I've lost quite a lot of weight too.

I run my fingers along my collarbone and sigh so deep and loud that I'm sure past me can hear it. Because whenever I got into these episodes of depression I would rot in bed, starve myself until I was too weak to move.

My episodes are normally brought on by anything, someone uses the wrong tone with me I feel like I'm drowning. So I drown myself in alcohol.

Someone laughs near me and I think it's at me, and so I hide away for days making sure no one can see me.

Someone looks at me the wrong way and then I start to hate the way I look and change everything about me. Which is why I have so many tattoos all over my skin, and so many holes in my body from impulsive peircings.

I drop my shirt and pull my eye lid down, looking at my eyes and how empty they look. I take a step back scared of who's staring at me in the mirror.

I look to the time again and I realise that nearly thirty minutes went by, how can I be so lost in time like that? Everything feels slow for me, like I'm under water. But in the realworld, time is passing by.

I shake my head from my thoughts and grab my jacket, keys and wallet. I open my door and make a run for it, my roommates yelling my name behind me but they feel so far away.

I turn around not seeing anyone as I make it to my bike, maybe it was all in my head. Am I going crazy?

I hop on my bike and I leave, peddling away. I close my eyes as I feel the breeze ruffle through my hair, I take in deep breaths of the fresh air and bathe in the sun cradling my face.

I almost smile, but before I even try, I'm going head first over the handle bars on my bike. I land on the floor, leaves and twigs crunch below me and when my eyes peak open I spot trees. I made it to a forest, it looks so peaceful here. I wish I could just stay.