GWEH (Go Away)

3. Dutty Man

I sat around the table in my uniform and ate the breakfast I had prepared. It was a callaloo with fried plantains and dumplings. I made enough because I know mommy nuh eat a road so she gonna be hungry when she reached in.

Plaintain, anyway, is one of Mommy's favorites, and even though I am still angry at her for not giving me fare for school, I want to be on her good side.

I know mommy loves me in a strange way, but how she was raised influenced her to be hard on me at times. Food is always in the house, and I have clothes and shelter in my head. But sadly, she would rather feed me than show me that she loves me. It's the same thing her mother did to her, and now she is continuing the cycle.

And there are many times, like last night, when her mad head takes her, and she becomes spiteful. I know that my days under her roof are numbered because of the increased frequency of her telling me that I should hurry up and move out.

After I finished eating the food, I washed the dishes and then double-checked my bag to make sure I had my school identification card, the slip of paper with my registration information, and stationary, especially my pencil sharpener. I nuh ramp fi broke the tip because I am a stress writer, so I press too hard when writing.

Well, am ready. Everything was good except for the lunch money.

I sighed, then went and brushed my teeth for the second time and checked my uniform one last time in the mirror. The uniform was neat, even though I made it a little loose to hide my shape.

I learned how to sew from my father's mother. She was a skilled dressmaker in the neighborhood, and when she was dying, she left me her tools nearly four years ago. Even though I am not yet as talented as she was, people come to me to make their school uniforms or work clothes, and if I am lucky, one or two church sisters will pay me to make their choir uniforms.

It's a good earning while going to school. Still, ever since I needed to buckle down for my examinations, I have not taken any new orders, and the money I've saved went into examination fees and other school expenses. So now I broke like a dawg, which is why I have to depend on my parents.

"Baby Girl, you got this. You are a smart, beautiful, resilient, and strong black woman. There is nothing you can't do. You came to conquer, so go and shell down that examination," I said to my reflection before grabbing my matey bag and leaving the apartment, locking up on my way out.

***

Even though my father resided across the street, we didn't have a good relationship since he told me that I was unwanted. He told me point blank that he was not sure I was even his and that he had told my mother to get rid of the pregnancy. This was a hard revelation since I loved my father growing up, but when my grandmother died, the truth came out. My father was all too happy to tell me that he only acknowledged me because his mother loved me and told him to accept me because if he never went there, his name wouldn't be called.

It's been four years since I know the truth, and I am still tender and up in my feelings. Jah know mi wish mi neva have to go to him for bread much less bus fare, but who else mi ago ask? I don't have any family or friends that I am close to. I keep to myself and don't go road, so I am labeled as stuck up. Well, it's no wonder people were glad to run on the rumors Aunty Dion spread bout me because, just like her, they wish to tear me down from my supposed high horse.

Bwoy, I really just don't know.

If you are too friendly, you are judged, and if you stay in your corner, the same thing happens.

Anyway, let me go collect the fare from the sperm donor.

I crossed the road and went into the lane where my father lives. It was an early Inna in the morning, and the place was full of people.

"Good morning," I sang to a group and continued to my father's gate.

I saw Nieko leaning at the driver-side window of a nice car, but I don't know vehicle brand, so I can't tell you what type, but it is matte black and looks new.

Nieko called to me, but I held my head straight and quickly entered the tenement yard where my father lived. Aunty Dion and Miss Gracie have homes in here, too. The house my father now lives in was my grandmother's. I practically grew up there, but since my grandma died, I have not stepped inside the house. I only go as far as the front door. It was the second house from the gate, so I did not have to walk too far in.

My father was on the step, polishing my half-brother and sister's shoes. My half-brother Kenari is ten years old, and his sister Leighann is eight, and they are both in primary school. Kelly-Ann, their mother, is a brown coolie woman, so they are mixed and have light complexion as well.
My father suffers from colorism, so they are his pride and joy. He never fails to boast about his 'pretty pickney dem.'  My mother's genes are strong, so I am short and thick, with a dark complexion and thick coils that give me a fight to tame. My hair is jet black with a natural sheen, and usually I leave it in an afro or a big puff on the top of my head using a shoelace.

"Good morning, Daddy," I greeted. To be honest, I was hoping to see Kelly-Ann, my stepmother. She is a considerate lady who is generous to me even when my own father is not. I would prefer to ask her rather than him, or perhaps ask her to ask him for me because he won't say no to her.

"How much time do I have to tell you not to call me that? Call me by my name," my sperm donor said. He started to do this after my grandmother died. I guess he didn't see the need to continue to pretend to love me.

Ever since he called me a jacket, so, in my mind, I just call him my sperm donor, just like how my mother is my birth giver. It's all in my head because I have never said it out loud to either of them.

"Good morning Eric," I said, even though mi wanted to tell him fi go dig up and suck him muma. But I stayed humble because I beg mi come fi beg still.

"Mommy doesn't have any money to send me to school today. Can you please help me with the bus fare?" I said, gazing down at my school shoes, which had known better times. It was the same shoes I had since grade eleven and lower six and now its hanging on my a thread. It's alright, though, as there are only a few exams left before I can discard them.

"So mi look like I have money to squander on a big woman? Make the waste boy weh breed you and help you dash away belly, give you money."

"A lie aunty Dion tell on mi. Cho! You know mi nuh like them things yah. If I wasn't this desperate because of the exam, I would not ask you. You always a try shame mi." I said while trying to hold mi compose although I wanted to fight my sorry  excuse of a father.

"You think I was born yesterday? Why the big woman would need to tell a lie about you? You think you and Dion a size? She has been telling me that you have been keeping malice with her as if you and har a tek the same man!"

"You should go ask Aunty Dion if me and har a size. How am I to know that? Why she a watch and tell lies upon my front. It's because Aunty Dion's blood claat daughter and I are the same age, and Gayle is already on baby number three for three different worthless men! That's why Dion wants to bring me down to her worthless daughter level!" I went off on my father for the first time.

"Hey, gal gweh from yah so wid them fuckery talk. If mi pickney them if go hear you a chat so now. Hey, hey, blood clot gal, move up! Mi nah give you nuh money gweh! Make this be the last time yuh come to mi beg! Big hole gal mi a nuh yuh fucking father. Make your mother tell you who breed her. Lift up outta mi rass cloth yard," the dutty man barked after me and threw the shoes brush after me, rassing me with it in the chest. The brush connected, leaving a black stain on my white blouse.

(1521 Words)