Koi No Yokan (gojo x oc)

12. Back to Life

January 2006
Two weeks later.

Established as the fastest Jujutsu sorcerer alive.

One of the only two existing special grades.

The record holder for the most consecutive black flashes.

The youngest in history to achieve a domain expansion.

I'm the strongest.

The moment I'd endlessly worked for, dreamed of, had finally arrived. And it feels nothing like I'd imagined. Isolating, magnifying my failure thousandfold.

I don't remember coming back to campus. I can only vaguely recall Mariko bathing me, scrubbing my skin raw until the blood and ash melted off. Haibara fed me dinner—or was it Nanami? Four, maybe five, hours for my promotion to come in? Thirty-six to be labeled "inactive." I suppose that's unavoidable when you refuse to get out of bed.

Suguru seems to be the only one brave enough to stop by. He'd enter without permission, talking even if I hid beneath the covers or faced the wall. On and on about the ongoing investigation, engravings he'd noticed on the curses' wrists, indicating someone summoned them, how most remains have been accounted for, including my father's arm and watch. How, with the exception of Tomiji, the incident was declared to have "no survivors."

The butcher, his wife, and two kids. Three first grade sorcerers. A school filled with seventy-six children and teachers. A hospital including all of its employees and patients. Twenty people in the finishing school. Nearly two-hundred in the marketplace. Another sixty in the farmlands. People in parks, theaters, offices, training zones, their own homes. Both my grandparents. Uematsu Hama, her daughter Sai. Sai's husband and daughter. My cousin Kumiko. All my extended family. All of their extended family. Uematsu Momoko.

All confirmed dead.

Then, he won't stop talking about Tomiji. How he's not doing well, having night terrors and trouble keeping his meals down. How he needs his sister.

I know he needs me. I know I need to get out of this bed and live up to my strength. For him, for my friends. But my limbs are glued to this mattress, and the blanket weighs down on me like a thousand stones.

I am the strongest, but I'm too broken to be strong.

One week passes. Then another. By then I've lost track of the day, or the last time I'd gotten up. I don't sleep, though. Each time I close my eyes I'm haunted by the thought of everyone mercilessly slaughtered. By the image of Hama's body. By the hateful last conversation I shared with my father. By the feeling of Momoko's body growing cold in my hands.

It's evening I think, and the sun is beginning to set. My body aches, my throat is burning dry. I start to cry. The center of my chest burns as I sob heavily. I pray that my bed will swallow me whole, that I can stop existing for just one moment.

"I'm coming in."

I bury my nose into the tear-stained sheets and try to stop, but a small whimper escapes me now and again.

Satoru is standing over my bed. "Why are you hiding your face?"

I try speaking for the first time in weeks, "I'm supposed to be the strongest." Not without difficulty. Each word threatens to shatter the little composure I have. "You shouldn't see me like this."

He lowers himself, locking eyes with the ones I'm desperate to hide. "Good thing I'm the strongest, Kaede-chan."

We both know that isn't true, but I let him make the claim. My eyes squeeze shut, and more warm tears begin to drip out. I have to turn to my other side because there are no hopes of stopping them. So I cry silently, feeling the bed dip as Satoru sits behind me.