Loyal to Master's Command (A True Blood Eric Northman Fanfiction)

XXXVIII - Неузнаваемый

Hello all. Welcome to the new chapter! This will be a longer one due to the vast amount of time I've spent without updating. Therefore, I would also like to announce the return of 1st person POV! I know I've been receiving a lot of requests to return to the 1st person POV. And your wish, is my command! Enjoy! 

Translation - Unrecognizable

Why is he so cold? His silky white skin rivals that of a tundra whenever I am even in range of him. Eric Northman. What a fascinating name. Although a fascinating name does not represent the person that yields it. Nonetheless, I still cannot fathom why I find comfort in this man's chilling grasp. I barely even know him, and the miniscule details that I have barely mustered to gain knowledge of are lacking in the amount of times we have felt each other's touch. I wonder, why do I feel solace with his gaze? Is it due to our mutual relations with Godric? 

Godric. 

My beloved Godric. How could I forget? Whenever I think of his name my body goes limp and my brain eats itself with the hunger for more memories with him. Well, that will never come true. I will never see him again. I will never hear his voice again. I will never smell his scent again. Why do I miss him so? He's spent his life cowering from me in fear of my anger. If he was so smart, couldn't he figure that the only wrath that I would ever bear is watching him face a death that I couldn't prevent. A humorous and selfish thought, given that my worst fear has become a reality. Even worse that the comfort and serenity I once shared with my Godric is seeping into the time I share with Eric Northman. How? I've barely shared little experiences with him, if anything , the only experiences I've shared with him have been that of frustration. But now, I recognize that we both end up in each other's arms. How cringey, I'm talking out of my ass. 

I remove myself instantly from his grasp, his arms flailing down due to the immense speed I used to remove myself. I wipe my nose and sniff due to the tears that have mixed with the blood on my face, the uncomfort didn't even rival that of the awkwardness that began to take over us. I take two steps back and slowly muster the strength in my eyeballs to look at him correctly. How long has it been with me standing there like an idiot? At least I'm gaining back some sense of reality. I feel as if my emotions were sent into an oblivion, why do I feel none of the rage that I felt prior?

When Stan lunged that stake into Godric, I felt as if it was lodged into me instead, and yet, the unexplainable pain that I felt is null. I feel as if it never happened and now both my mind and  body are in this limbo of "reality." What do I do now? What purpose must I search for next? Wha- 

What? My mind embarked on this adventure of chaos and questions when suddenly I felt this this jolt of pain, it hurt so much. It was marvelous how much pain I felt at that moment due to such little occurrences. I laughed at myself. 

It was a tear that flew down Eric's cheek. A vivid red that swelled up in his stunning sapphire blue eyes. A typical rival could be the ocean, a cliche that wasn't nearly enough to describe his beauty. Why is it now that I'm recognizing how pretty he is? I'm not blind, I've known that the man is attractive, but why did it take the death of the one thing supporting my livelihood for me to recognize Eric's presence as a man. This is ridiculous, I'm clearly grasping for anything I can to fill the void that has suddenly been ripped in my heart. I'm losing it. 

As the lone tear traveled gently down Eric's cheek, I took slow steps near him so as to be sure he was alright with my approach, and gently, I brought my thumb up to his cheek and wiped it away. I understand that he is fully capable to complete this task on his own, but a part of me feel like he wasn't, almost as if I could feel his strength dwindling alike to mine. Mentally and physically. 

Amidst the gallons of dead vampire remains, an ugly sight that no eyes should have to bear, I found relief in the most prettiest figure standing amongst the ugly, horrid sight that this battlefield had left behind. A horrific sight of people all the same. Why does it have to be him to stand amongst it? He doesn't deserve this pain, pain that I've brought to him. I should've never come here.