FIGHT FOR ME

23} Dead Mind

[Siony's pov]

I'm just so done, I think I've finally snapped. Doing all of those things with Zelos was the last straw, I can't take it anymore.

I wasn't ready to admit that I couldn't anymore, but the pressure from school and grades was so overwhelming and I worked day and night without resting. Then my girlfriend decides to cheat on me and I couldn't even deal with how I fucking felt because I was coordinating a whole Flight team show for the school rally, and getting 5 to 6 hours of sleep.

Now, Zelos is making me question so many things about myself I don't even recognize the Siony I see in the mirror anymore. I just can't handle this anymore, I can't hold myself together in school right now.

I'm sitting at my desk with only a small lamp lit up as the light in my whole room, doing the schoolwork I've been missing because I'm staying home. I sigh, rubbing my eyes and nose bridge. I'm so tired, I don't want to do this. I need to think.

I put down the pencil and shoved the papers away then got up from the chair, plopping down on my bed. My eyes immediately closed as I stretched and yawned, the bed felt a hundred times softer and comfortable than when I lie in it at night.

I thought I could take it. But no. My mental health is finally catching up to me.

Many of my friends have wanted to visit me after school, but I just declined them all. My mood has just broken, and they must all be wondering why I've turned everyone away. It's just not like me.

I've been intercepting school calls from my mom and calling in absent so she doesn't figure out that I'm not going to school. This is what happens when I   learn from the best, she gets kids who know how to be sneaky. Then when she's about to come home, I grab my bag and go out for a walk then come back in pretending I just got back from school. She doesn't suspect a thing, I hope.

I need to think. I've needed to think about myself for a long time now, and I've neglected my needs for too long.

I was lying on my stomach and I buried half my face in the bunched up blankets in my arms, with my eyes peeking out. It felt kind of nice to do nothing and just lie there for a second.

Am I actually attracted to guys...? I'm not. Am I? I haven't ever thought of guys that way my entire life. Even after what happened with Zelos I still like girls.

Girls are sweet, cute, beautiful...they're nice to think about when I have a crush on one but when I'm thinking about guys, especially him...I feel like my hearts going to explode. I'm flustered and my face and ears are getting all red.

Maybe it's because of how daring and demanding guys are, especially Zelos. It's overwhelming. Zelos had no problem prying my thighs open and getting what he wanted...I don't know if I liked it or if I feel violated.

It's not like what I like matters anyways, I'm not allowed to like boys. It's the most ungodly act, it's a sin. Mother would chase me down and slit my throat. Not only would it be shamed and hated by others all around, but I would especially hate myself to death.

I bunched up the sheets with both my hands in frustration and grumbled into the bed.

*BONG*

I swinged around to see what the loud noise was, and saw a loud burst of flames had hit the force field I had put up around my balcony. I made it to specifically to keep Zelos out, because he came in that way the last time. It seemed to have done its job and didn't budge.

"SIONY!!! GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OUT AND FACE ME!! WHERE ARE YOU?!" Zelos screamed from below outside.

I got up from my bed to check the balcony, but something in my chest filled me with guilt and I stopped in my tracks. I shouldn't go see him. If I do, I don't know what would happen and if I could control myself. I can't no matter if I want to or not.