FIGHT FOR ME

37} Online

[Zelos's pov]

Yesterday was such a shitshow, and Siony's the one who went through more than me. I wanted to shake the feeling I had when he kissed me goodnight but I couldn't.

I went from fucking lusting over him to thinking I had a crush and feeling like shit. Because there was no way in hell Siony would like me back if I liked him, he didn't date guys. He dated girls.

All of this crap triggered my mood swings and with the free time I had I wouldn't get out of bed at all so I wasted away on my phone all day. I was going fucking crazy. Crazy scared that I was starting to like someone. It always ends up hurting me so I didn't want to encourage it this time.

Siony sent me the pictures from stargazing last night, and I briefly skimmed them before clicking off because I was afraid of getting some off of sentimental feeling from it. I saw that Siony has also posted a picture of him at the grass field with another picture of the stars, but I recognized the picture and saw clearly that I was cropped out.

I didn't expect him to post my face onto his social media with hundreds of followers from our school, it would stir up some drama knowing we're friends because of that fight we had when we first met. But he said I was his friend now. Did he not want the world to know I was his friend? Was he ashamed of me? Again, I'm going fucking crazy.

I got up just to wash my face in the kitchen with cold water and to get a drink. I had a shift at work tonight that I really didn't want to go to. when I went to put away a kitchen knife laying on the counter, I caught a glimpse of my own reflection. so sickly. I didn't eat the entire day. I wasn't getting any better. when I do, I just keep waiting until I fall again.

I hear the doorbell buzz making me drop the knife on the ground, it startled me because it's not like people come visit me. I put the knife away quickly and ruffled my hair with a deep sigh to at least look presentable, all I had on was a white shirt with light blue shorts. whatever. I unlocked the door.

"Zelos! why didn't you answer my texts? you left me on delivered for two hours." Lucia pouted and barged in.

"what?? you texted me?" I hesitantly comply and closed the door. "ugh. I was probably busy, or something. sorry." I rubbed my face.

"you didn't eat today did you?" she set some bags down on the round dining table. "I made some food, and then I made a bit too much...ahaha. I was testing out a recipe."

"really? did it turn out good?" I stared at the scars on my arm. "and how do you know if I ate today or not?!"

"Zelos, we grew up together. you always answer my texts, when you don't there's always something wrong." Lucia claimed. "so what's wrong?"

"mood swing. again." I answered.

she walked closer. "I'm telling you, you should go see a Doctor for it or something. you worry me."

Lucia wrapped her arms around me and gave me a warm embrace, her head pressing against my upper chest. she was too warm, I almost started to feel better. too warm. sometimes she made me feel like I could trust her. and I do, I just don't want to. I never want to, that's the problem with me. she would be angry if she knew. but maybe, it's okay just to tell her a little bit.

we sat down together to eat, and I actually ate a lot. I guess I wasn't just having a bad appetite, I was trying to starve myself again. I wasn't going to tell Lucia that, though. my eyes were still manic, I hope she doesn't notice. god why do I try so fucking hard to hide things from her?

"this isn't bad. pretty spicy." I rated the food.

"yeah? you like it?" Lucia smiled at me.

"mhm." I took another bite.