Felicity Reviews

Review by Clair: A Spirit in Me 📗

Reviewer: Maggie-Nary

Requested by: Reginawhite0202

Story Collection 'Halloween Tales': A Spirit in Me

Before anything else, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for an extremely long delay. I know I promised to finish this review at least a week after the request was made. Obviously, no matter what my reasons were, I failed to do what I promise, so I sincerely apologize for that.

Now, let's proceed to the review.

Summary - 3.5/5

I know this story comes from a collection, but please hear me out.

The story blurb was fine, and it gives an idea of what should the readers expect from the book. Also, though it was considerably short, I understand since the book title suggests that it was dedicated for the Halloween season. It was nice that you were able to show that in such a brief story description, but I just wish you could've put something more to peak the interest of the readers.

For instance, are we expecting stories about death, mystery, murder, things like that. At least put something that will make the readers feel excited about this story collection, or give an idea of what kinds of story line we can expect.

Grammar and Punctuation - 4.5/5

As I said in my bio, I will only point out mistakes that are too obvious for me to notice, and I also said that I'm really not a grammar nazi.

Well, I did not notice any grammar mistakes throughout the entire story, so there isn't anything for me to point out in this area. Of course, this is according to the my best knowledge about English grammar and punctuation.

I didn't find errors that distracted me from the story, and I'm actually amazed at your vocabulary. Though, there were times when I stopped to reread a certain passage, but I will elaborate that further on a different area.

Over all, I think you have a nice grasp on your grammar and punctuation.

Character Building - 5/5

The characters were presented nicely, and I liked those small details that are actually giving hints of what Zara could've or could've not done in the past, in relation to her ex boyfriend. This was while was she was being presented differently compared to what those small details suggest. Even the part that showed how Hassan actually felt of what he did to Zara in the end I think was a nice way of showing how did he value Zara and everything they have shared together.

Writing Style - 4.5/5

As I said earlier, I have no problem with the grammar, but there's something that somehow confused me while reading the story.

I noticed that you often put additional clause in the middle of your sentences to add some description about a certain subject. I think it was nice that you put additional descriptions like that, but I also think that there are other ways to do it aside from putting them between commas.

It is totally fine to utilize this method, but if you can avoid doing that, especially for very long sentences, do so. Sometimes, it makes a long sentence even longer, and it causes some readers like me to take more time to understand the entire passage. Therefore, if you can make a long sentence shorter in some way, that would be nice.

Over all, the writing style is good, and I like that it is descriptive.

Plot Originality - 4/5

It is not entirely unique, but I liked the way it was executed, which makes this story different from the others with the same story line.

Total: 21.5/25

Comments -

You're a good writer, and you have all the useful tools for your stories. Still, I wish you keep on improving and don't stop learning as you continue on your writing journey.

I hope this review helps, and keep on writing.

Focus Points:

Description; Like what I said about your writing style, your descriptions were great, and it set the right mood and tone for the story. Maybe if you just lessen the long sentences, I think it can be better. Also, do not totally remove those additional descriptions in the middle of a sentence, but do not also be afraid to write short sentences from time to time. It's not a crime.

I would like to commend the last few paragraphs of the story as well. Though there were no long and painful line of adjectives to describe how Hassan felt towards everything that happened, his actions, especially after he saw Zara's gift, quite said it all.

Dialogues: The dialogues are utilized purposefully, and it was good that you were able to execute a story without using much dialogues.

And lastly, Pacing; the pacing of this story was executed well, especially when it was already in the climactic scenes. The entire story went smoothly, and the transitions between scenes were neither slow or hasty..