Felicity Reviews

Review by Watts: Back With A Vengeance 📗

Reviewer: Watts (Watts_Writes)

Requester: Back With A Vengeance by Fire_And_Ice_1813

Title: 4/5

This is a strong title. It's easy to remember as it's a common saying, yet it doesn't feel overly cliché.

Cover: 4/5

Your cover is great. The composition works well. The character on the cover (who I assume to be your MC) is striking. The red hair set against the black backdrop pops. The character's pose is strong and confident. However, it's hard to read the author's name (and that's important!), and the font at the top doesn't flow as well as the font used for "vengeance." The cover feels true to paranormal stories and has an element of drama that makes it attractive.

Summary: 2.5/5

Summaries are hard. You need to condense the concept of your story into something that entices readers to read it. Your summary has great potential, but it needs to be fleshed out. You introduce your protagonist and allude to a major conflict, but it isn't easy to know what genre the story is or why it's worth reading. Think of your summary like a book jacket—it needs to outline your story without giving too much away.

Grammar/Punctuation: 2.5/5

This part of your story needs work. I understand this is a first draft, so I want to be mindful of that. However, sentences are missing full stops, run-ons, and fragments, which makes the reading experience less enjoyable.

Character Building: 2.5/5

Of the chapters I read, there wasn't much character growth. Your protagonist, Victoria, has a strong voice and characterization, but it never feels like she matures as the story progresses. I think of chapter 4, when Max attacks Victoria. It's an incredibly violent and scary situation, and while I appreciate that she's a bit of a wise cracker, in this chapter, her reaction doesn't match the seriousness of the situation. I found it difficult to pinpoint Victoria's motivations early on. Opposite to that, you write Max with clearly defined intentions and motivations. He is unlikable from the jump. His voice is strong and unique. However, there's very little build with his actions—things seemingly go from 0 to 100 in record time. The characters could benefit from more complexity regarding their POVs, interactions, and overall growth. Why do they behave as they do? What motivates them? What do they want, and how do they plan on getting it? And most importantly, how do their relationships affect their behaviour?

Writing Style: 3/5

As a young writer, I strongly believe you're in the process of finding your writing style. It will be a process of trial and error. I'm giving you a 3 for this because you write with a lot of confidence. It's also clear you're having fun as you write, which is super important.

Playing with sentence structure, punctuation, pacing, and tension will help you further develop your style. Also, consider how you use imagery and description; right now, the story feels bare-bones regarding these two things. You can elevate the world you're writing about through description, set clearer character motivations, and drive the story forward.

Additionally, you'll want to consider the tone you take with this. I touched on it a bit earlier, but there are moments where the tone doesn't match the actions taking place. A lighter tone minimizes the brutality and heartbreak Victoria experiences. It also fails to drive home how awful a betrayal she experiences.

Many great ideas in your story will shine when you flesh them out. When you add more of the above to the story, it will flow even better than it does and won't feel like it's moving at such a breakneck pace.

Plot Originality: 5/5

Full disclosure: I am not a huge reader of werewolf stories, though I enjoy anything paranormal. This is an incredibly unique story idea, though, and I love it. Mates are so specific to modern werewolf lore that you would take that concept and turn it on its head like this, truly making the story stand out.

Reader Engagement: 3/5

I love paranormal stories, so the werewolf element had my attention. I greatly enjoyed your prologue—how you set up the werewolf lore and focused on the mate element created a nice build and a sense of foreboding. Tonally, it was what I expected the rest of the story to be like. I enjoyed Victoria's sense of fun and her relationships with her pack. However, as I already pointed out, there's a tonal shift that doesn't quite match the serious aspects of the story. I love how Victoria and Verna speak to each other, yet there doesn't seem to be much urgency at the most serious moments. Additionally, there wasn't enough building from moment to moment, making it harder for me to connect with the characters and the story.

Final Thoughts:

With such a fantastic idea, seeing this story fleshed out more would be amazing. Rather than have Max turn on Victoria so quickly, perhaps you could create more build-up to that action. By slowing down the pacing and being more intentional in the storytelling, you could elevate this story to the next level and make it something unlike what we see in the Werewolf genre. As a young writer, it's clear you've got talent—with some intentional editing, you can make this story even stronger. Keep going with it! I can't wait to see how it grows.

Total: 26.5/40