Reviewer: Watts_Writes
Requester: Lost in the Fray by AsiaAlexandria
Title: 4/5
This is a title that has the potential to stand out. It gives insight into the emotional quality of the story. It feels unique yet relatable and blends well into the YA genre.
Cover: 5/5
The cover is fantastic. It perfectly fits the YA contemporary genre. The colours are bright and attractive, and the imagery speaks to the high school setting. The story's title and author's name are clear and easy to read. One small tweak would be to consider moving the author's name up slightly so it isn't cut off—this might be a stylistic choice, but it looks like a mistake.
Summary: 3.5/5
The summary shows promise with its engaging premise and character dynamics. Adding more detail and depth to the conflicts, character development, and themes could further enhance its appeal to readers. Summaries should read like the back of a book. Reworking some of the structure around your sentences will help tighten this up.
Grammar and punctuation: 5/5
The story's grammar and punctuation are handled skillfully, ensuring an easy and enjoyable reading experience. You use punctuation to help create natural beats and pauses in the story, further enhancing its pacing.
Character building: 4.5/5
Nia and Milo are infinitely relatable. You've written them with strong motivations and characterizations, making it easy to discern their voices when chapters switch between POVs. Nia, in particular, is likable and full of empathy, making you instantly root for her. How you counter her personality with Lauren's much more bubbly and outgoing demeanour helps define Nia even more. You also create strong hooks for your protagonists by revealing their current struggles at the beginning. It helps us, as readers, connect to them instantly.
Writing style: 4.5/5
You write confidently and adeptly introducing your protagonists and bringing them together easily and skillfully. Both Nia and Milo have clear, distinct voices that set them apart. You can understand their attraction to each other. You do a particularly wonderful job highlighting their individuality and inner conflicts without making them feel like victims. Yet, you ensure your readers understand the whys behind their motivations.
The biggest issue I can see is a need to edit. Chapter 4 is a 30-minute read, which is extremely long for YA. Your prose includes great moments of tension, but that will only improve with better pacing. Cutting down in places will support this–too much exposition will cause readers to lose interest; with such fantastic characterizations, that's the last thing you want.
Plot originality: 3.5/5
Sick Lit is nothing new since The Fault in Our Stars, so the plot is familiar, thanks to similar stories (though granted, the illness is not the same as TFiOS). Despite this, your characters feel fresh, particularly Milo, the bad boy who is trying desperately not to be—there's a great honesty in his character that makes him intriguing. The multiple POV adds depth to the story because we learn more about your protagonists through their actions and inner monologues.
Reader engagement: 5/5
The story is so well-written, and your characters developed with such clarity and precision the story was an absolute pleasure to read. Your narration is full of command, making you feel comfortable as a reader.
Total: 35/40
Final thoughts:
Lost in the Fray is an excellently written story. Its likable protagonists have excellent chemistry. The story's tone respects the sensitive aspects. Your use of descriptive language enhances the reader's understanding of the subject matter and evokes emotional responses. Most enjoyably, you've created characters the reader wants to see come out on top.
YOU ARE READING
Felicity Reviews
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