Fear of Flames

Part 1: Chapter 12 [One Too Many]

>SERAPHINA'S POV<

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

Bryce put down his glass of beer to glare in horror at Seraphina. They had gone with Ian to the castle tavern to drink in celebration of Seraphina's small victory in training - of course, though,  Ian took off after one drink to chase a pretty lady who he was convinced had feelings for him. 

"I don't know what the issue is." Seraphina giggled, clearly feeling the effects of her fourth glass of beer.

"What in the world were you thinking? Waltzing over to Ronin's room after a minor inconvenience. You didn't even tell me about what happened at the lake!""

Seraphina rolled her eyes at him, a small smile creeping to her lips.

"Why, are you jealous?"

Bryce's eyes slimmed in suspicion. 

"No, not unless there's something else that happened that you forgot to mention."

"Nuh uh. He put a shirt on for me."

Bryce shook his head in disbelief and snatched the fifth glass of beer out of her hands.

"Hey, I was drinking that!"

Bryce stood up and poured the glass into a bucket. 

"I can't believe you. You shouldn't trust Ronan, you hear me?"

Seraphina looked up at Bryce with wide eyes.

"Huuuh? Why? He seems like he's being nicer to me."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and leaned his head close to hers.

"Ronan is a bad person. He helps the castle, sure, and he's rather important. But he's bad for you. He hates you. He almost killed you the first day he met you. You don't find it suspicious that now he suddenly tolerates you?"

Seraphina thought for a moment - not that she really could. She leaned in even closer to Bryce and whispered, her lips nearly touching his as she looked him dead in the eyes.

"I know the danger of being around him, but he's the only person in my life who doesn't look at me with pity."

With that, Seraphina tried standing up. Despite being unstable on her feet, she successfully made her way out of the tavern, leaving Bryce frozen in confusion. 

~~~

Drowning.

I'm drowning.

In a sea.

A sea of raging currents and chaos.

A sea of energy.

I swim to the surface, barely able to catch my breath.

I see my hand.

My hand is on fire.

I'm swimming in an ocean of fire.

I'm swimming in flames.

~~~

Seraphina woke with a horrid headache. She groaned as she clutched her head, slowly raising herself to a sitting position. Her bedsheets were drenched again. As usual, she can't remember why she woke in a sudden panic. The hangover definitely didn't help. 

I can taste the beer in my eyelids. 

Looking out of the window, she realised it was almost the middle of the day. Her eyes widened in horror.

Shit! I missed the first half of training.

She groaned again and fell back onto her pillow. She remembered that she'd told Bryce about her venturing into Ronan's room to try and get answers about her energy experience. Now that she was sober, she couldn't figure out why Bryce was so upset about it. Was it because he considered her as more than a friend? 

I don't even know what we are anymore. Can I call him more than a friend?

Seraphina didn't know if she wanted to. She didn't know how to feel much of anything anymore. She was just existing, going with the flow of whatever came her way. The only time she didn't feel like standing by idly and letting fate choose her destiny was when she was near Ronan. She wanted so badly to prove herself to him, to earn his approval. Ronan had never looked at her with pity or concern. She craved that more than anything. 

Seraphina groaned and stopped the torrent of thoughts about Ronan. He was too old to ever take a second look at her; Ian had told her that Ronan was twenty seven, five years older than her. 

At this point, I just need to earn his approval. That's all I want. If he's satisfied with my progress then I've accomplished everything that I wanted to. 

So she was going to try once more. She was nervous this time, reaching back into herself. Into her ocean. She had to try. Seraphina knew she was probably the only trainee in the castle chambers right now, so she felt sure that no one would witness her making a fool of herself. 

Closing her eyes, she imagined the ocean. It came to her immediately. She saw its chaos. Its rapid movement. Its endlessness. Its vastness. Seraphina swore she felt a warm gust of wind blow across her face. She reached down, almost close enough to touch it. Her face was burning now. Searing. The room was hot. 

The voice appeared again, seemingly coming from inside her. 

Do it. Touch the ocean - but this time touch it knowing that you and the ocean aren't separate. You are the ocean, the ocean is you. You are not consumed by the ocean, because the ocean is not consumed by you. You are not going to touch it, you are merely accepting for a moment that the ocean is apart of you. Do it. 

Seraphina dipped her hand in the raging ocean. She opened her eyes.

Flames.

Her heart skipped a beat as she realised her hand was on fire. She was on fire, but she wasn't burning.

Why aren't I burning?

The voice replied again.

Because you are the flame. You are fire. 

She looked up. 

Ronan was standing in the doorway, unmoving. His face was unreadable and his arms hung loosely beside him. He watched her hold up her hand that was completely alight in flames.

"I am fire."

The last thing she saw as she took her hand out of the ocean and darkness creeped back in was Ronan picking her up and placing her on her bed.