Echoes of a Shattered Connection

I Was All Over Her

There is a song,
That fills my heart with warm nostalgia and miserable yet so light long.
Reminding me of the time when our bond just started getting strong.

Even after what happened between us, it doesn't even feel wrong,
Listening to this song.
Because that's where my heart will always belong.

"I was all over her"
Feels like what we had and once blissfully were.
And like the peace,
Before we started to slowly decease.
Listening to this song,
Feels like you still are here with me all along.
It's a feeling I had when we would stay up together until dawn,
And not care about not sleeping for so long.
While telling each other,
How much we value one another.
This song helps me recall memories of her,
And is willing to fight my brain which is forcing them to take cover.
It brings back how I felt having in me so much of gentle love,
When it yet wasn't something I would get sick of.
That treasure felt like it was sent from the gods from the above.
It was something I was grateful to have and was really proud of.

Did you really have to hurt my heart?
Was it worth it tearing it apart?
It used to be so full of care and it was so soft.
But no matter what, it still loves you with every part.

That melody feels like everything she said,
And like the tears we together shed.
All of it, these heartwarming words and that charming feeling of belonging still echoes in my head.
Even though much time have passed, I still think of it when I miserably lay in my cold bed.

That tune will always remind me of that one night,
When both us were alright,
We promised we would never fight, or cause the other to bite,
And we would try to make it right.
This song feels exactly like this hope that our future would be bright.

I remember asking her what was her favourite colour,
She said one of them was blue,
This music led me to act like a loving lover,
I searched for a sapphire flower or two,
And gave it to her.
Her being happy was the best view
And it was worth trying and travelling for.

As I was writing in my diary about that day,
I cried,
I couldn't believe we grew so close since may,
And I wished you would never leave my side.
But, you are nowhere near me today.

When I put this song on after our breakup, something in me died.
Do you remember how we promised we would always be beside?
But, you never even tried.
After all of this, you just put me aside,
You left me behind.
You used to be so kind.
What happened in your mind?
I tried asking you,
You didn't reply, that was new.
I remember you saying you never mean to ghost,
And you don't enjoy doing this to the people you love and care for the most.
I genuinely thought I was one of them, I hoped,
But in the end, you just ignored everything I wrote:
All of the messages from deep within my heart,
And everything we had.
It seems like you just forgot
And never wanted to get back together and understand.

That night, you said I was enough,
And that I was your best friend.
Then why were you so rough
And let everything easily end?
This song and the vanishing memories are all I have left.
I'm really hurt, but I'm glad we met.
Thank you for making me feel content, even though it clearly never was your intent.
I will never forget.
And will always have this dull feeling in my chest.

Every time I will listen to this song,
I will endlessly wonder what went wrong.
Before this, I never knew I could fall in love with words,
Until I heard them come from you.
I loved them, as long as they were hers.
Now that they are gone, I wonder if they ever were true.
She would always shower me with reassurance
That she would not turn out like my parents,
Her promises seemed so heavenly,
But they were just beautiful lies apparently.
She ensured me and the child inside me that she would never leave,
And didn't even plan on doing that.
In the end, it was just a decieve
To get me attached.
The worst thing is that I was so naive,
And she used that to make me believe.
What did she even want to achieve?
There is no way she did that to make me grieve.

I don't want to believe she is a bad person,
But if she really was kind and good,
She would try her best to reverse it and do anything she could,
So I wouldn't be left to myself and feel misunderstood.
If she really wanted to,
She would.
If her words really were true,
She would do as she assured.
She would stay
And apologise for treating me this way.
If I was worth to her that much like she said I did, she would just say
That she didn't mean to betray
And wanted everything to be once again okay.

I hate you for what you did,
But I miss you like a little kid.
My longing for you
Is starting to turn into anger,
Because after all this time, you still didn't try to save things between us two.
I did much more for our friendship than her.
And I'm angry,
She never even thanked me,
She just left.
What she did was just straight up theft.
I gave her my love in the purest way possible,
It seemed like not wanting it was impossible.
But she found a way to discard it,
Just because of a small conflict.

I hope all she feels now is guilt,
For neglecting such precious gift.
But, even though she looks like she hates it,
Deep down I know she doesn't want to admit,
That she cherished it at least in a bit
And the remorse is eating her up since she quit.

I wish you loved me enough to not hurt me like that
And to be sorry for the impact.
You knew what it would do,
Because I made sure to tell you in detail,
That I would feel bitter blue,
To a huge scale.

The only thing worse than losing you,
Is knowing you did nothing to keep me.
You just dismissed everything we together went through
And never even tried to care about what we could be.
You will never be forgiven.
It is already written.

I know that someday you will ache like I ache.
You will wake up to the feeling of regret, because of that mistake.
You will hurt no matter if you are dreaming or staying awake
And cry as you shake.
While screaming for just a little break.
Just like I did.
I sobbed like a little kid.
I wasted my tears for someone that didn't even cared if I left.
I made sure you will feel that horrible feeling in your chest.
I cried my heart out,
when you suddenly decided to change
And leave me on the previous page.

Just so you know,
That anger and hurt was once pure love,
Before you shoved it under cold snow.
Now it is frozen, and will have to melt for it to again show.
This process will be slow,
Don't act like I didn't tell you so.

I never meant to bite and argue,
Or just do anything harm you.
But, now I want,
I am furious and angry,
Because I knew I would never have done that to you.
I just wish we could be the way we used to,
Can we?