Echoes of a Shattered Connection

Birthday - sequel

I say I moved on.
I say I like it better now that you are gone.
But, I still find myself staying awake until dawn
Thinking about how much my soul to yours is still drawn.

I have always wanted it to be you
And I know I always will,
Because my love for you is beyond true.

If I could and be able to again go through
What we were and the things that happened between us two
I would without hesitation
Go back to our first conversation
When there used to be no complication
Just warm sensation
And no thought of separation.

I would do it in a heartbeat
Just so I could once again feel complete
And be able to again enjoy the summer heat
Instead of only staying under the bed sheet.

I know I have said that I hated you, dear
And that I wish you could disappear,
But I want you here
I need you near.

I noticed that you have answered me, but I'm not ready
My heart still feels heavy
And when I think about it I get sweaty
Oh, I wish I was able to read it already.

I know that when I finally check it
My heart will split
It can't accept that you no longer fit
It isn't brave enough to admit.

One of my dearest friends have read what you said,
She did it for me instead.
All I know is that everything inside your head
Linked to me is painted in red.

All my peer does remember
Is that your tone was aggressive, like you had lost your temper.

Like you forgot what was before December
And I never even was in your heart's center.

My birthday was filled with thoughts
If I should bring my heart what it wants
Or to stay on current course
And never let our paths cross.

You sent me thirty eight texts
Are they still full of disrespects?
And neglects?
Or maybe for once, you showed me respects?

That answer remains unknown
And it will for sometime, I rather stay in my comfort zone.
But I still look at the recent one on my phone
And wonder, what could you have known?

"Okay, I think I know everything."
Was the last thing
With, you decorated our string.
To what were you referring?

Was it the fact I wrote poems about you?
Or you finally figured out that you are the one I am into?
Maybe it was just, because of what I did, that you did too:
I tried to discard and erase our friendship's view.

But it turned out, that no matter what I did
You still appeared.
It is like my brain is forever filled
With what we could build.

You know, it hurt because it mattered.
I still remember the way my heart shattered
Understanding that every word that left me flattered
Was the worst lie I ever have heard.

I am scared that in those thirty eight messages that you have sent,
You said you never meant
To stab me in my chest
And wished our friendship could extend.

I am afraid I might feel wrong
For ignoring you, maybe you really want to finally get along
And you admitted that you also do long.
And without me, you also can't keep being strong.

But after all,
You were the first one to make the other feel small
And didn't care if they bawl
Or if it causes their heart to break from its fall.

So, why would I even care?
Oh, that's because I loved every single moment that we would share
And everything about you, your hair
I also loved the way your eyes would stare
And how mesmerising they looked when they shed a tear.

I still do.
Because it's like you have been attached to me with some kind of glue
And no matter if I meet anyone new,
I still will want you.
That's because some things do not belong to the past,
They belong to you, not even asked.
They are who you are in fact
And nothing will ever change that.

I have never felt more loved and hurt by the same soul.
I will forever wonder if it was your goal.
To just swallow me whole
With no intention to hold.

You loved me
And you also destroyed me.
I will forever remember the way you made me feel free
And then decided to throw me into the sea.

Tell me, did you think of me on my birthday,
Or was it just another boring Saturday?
Have you even noticed that I am away?
And wondered if I'm okay?