Echoes of a Shattered Connection

Birthday

Today finally is my birthday,
I hope there is something you want and will say.
Because it doesn't have to be that way.
What if you wanted to stay
And just like I did,
You wish we some day would enjoy the sun ray,
With our beloved kid,
As we watch them play.

27th January, you have this day noted I believe,
Tell me, on this day, do you also happen to grieve?
Because I do,
I grieve what happened between us two
And the fact, on my birthday, you are not here.
I really wanted to celebrate it with you, dear.
But I can't afford to say hello and risk another goodbye,
Because this time, I won't be able to bare wanting to die
As I miserably cry
And let my eyes get too dry,
Making them unable to weep for a long time, no matter how hard I try.

You say you are still here,
But are you really?
You are nowhere near
And your absence stings and makes me chilly.
I spend every day thinking about how I wasn't ready to say goodbye to you,
But I don't think I ever will be.
No matter how apart we grew,
And even though I might feel quite free,
My heart still wants yours
And it will for years.
We may have gone through a lot of wars,
But my heart will keep open its doors.

Because no matter how much time passes by,
For you, I am tender.
Despite you being a bad guy
Or your gender.

I wonder if I ever get over you,
Will there be a day where I do not feel any blue?
I doubt so, as everything is a reminder
That I'm living without you.
Every day, I feel myself get a little less kinder
As I see less and less hue.

It's exactly midnight,
And as I write,
Three people already wished me happy birthday.
I am quite happy, but still everything remains grey,
Because your wishes are the only thing I am waiting for.
Only your words are able to make me feel pain no more.
I miss you and I wouldn't mind if you talked to me again.
I am really tired of walking alone in the rain.

I fear that someday,
You will forget about me
And I will relive every may,
Remembering that there were only three...

Three months until we were together for a year.
I am scared that every tear
Will contain you
And there would be nothing I could do,
But grief
As I look at every leaf
Knowing that once, you and them were close.
Both of you were with me through my highs and lows.
But now, once they regrow,
There is one thing I for sure know.
They will feel alone
Without your presence they once known.

I am not and never was ready,
Please, just talk to me already.