Shirtsleeve

Chapter 4

@Louis_Tomlinson: why does this world always break the best people

I see his tweet when I wake up and look at my phone. I have his tweet notifications on. Louis is still sleeping and I decide to let him sleep in. I feel a lot better today. That's the thing about breakdowns, once you're down you have the possibility to get up again. I have loads of time till I have to leave for school, as on Tuesdays my day starts with second period.

I decide to do my make-up properply and really nice today. In the bathroom I get my Naked eyeshadow palette. In spring I love to wear golden eyeshadow. I apply halfbaked all over my lid, and use the eyeshadow right next to it for the outer corners and crease of my eyes. Then I draw a thin line close to my lashlines with black gel eyeliner. I apply some concealer on the parts of my face where I need it and some powder on top. I grab the bronzer I've got from Louis a few days ago and contour my face lightly. At the end, I apply mascara to my eyelashes. When I see the reflection in my mirror I smile. Today I feel really pretty.

I decide to wear my navy blue blouse, that totally boosts my confidence, and some white ripped skinny jeans. I'll wear my white converse with it.

I even have time for breakfast. I decide to eat some cereal with milk because I feel like I'm starving. Usually I don't eat breakfast in the morning but today I'm hungry. I switch on the tv while I'm eating. The news are on and there is an article about Niall and Melissa. I feel like throwing up when I see it. It makes my heart hurt.

But I am not in love with Niall. Why does it hurt? Maybe because it makes me not special at all. He would treat her the way he treated me and even better. Maybe cause that's what I am. Not special. I sigh and switch to another channel. Why is American Horror Story on in the morning? That's more of a night tv show but I watch it anyway until I am done with eating breakfast. I wash the dishes and put them into the dishwasher.

The clock in the living room shows that it's 8 am. Time to leave for school. I'm praying for today to be better than tomorrow. The feeling in my stomach tells me something else though. I feel like going by car today, because I have no motivation on taking the bus and being near stupid people.

I grab my bag and walk out of the house, closing the door quietly. I get into my car and start to drive. On the way I sing along to the songs on the radio, my mood lightening up even more.

The day at school is rather annoying. History is boring, in Economics we just have to work on a project, in English we just watch a movie, in Geography someone is holding a presentation and French is boring just in general. When school is over I slowly make my way home, but when I walk past one of the locker rooms I'm being pulled in.

Jack pushes me against a locker and grabs my jaw. I must look really terrified because he just laughs. With one hand on my throat still pushing me back, he starts rubbing himself against me. His other hand on my butt. I try to put his arm away. The grip on my throat really hurts. When I realize that he is a lot stronger I kick him. He throws me onto the floor where I hit my ellbow. Damn that really hurts. He comes closer to me and I get up quickly, running away.

"You little bitch! Not even worth a good fuck!" he shouts. I just keep running. I can feel a lump forming in my throat. I have troubles with breathing when I reach my car. As soon as I am inside of my car I lock the doors. I out my head in my hands but I don't allow myself to cry. I reach into my bag for my pencil case and get out one of the pens. I fiddle with it and a blade shows up. Slowly I roll up the sleeve on my left arm. I look at the pale skin with the blue veins. My hand is shaking as I lower the blade to my wrist. I slide it lightly and then I use more and more pressure with every cut I make. After 9 cuts my arm feels numb. I look at the blood and feel tears forming in my eyes. I get a tissue and wipe the blood away. My tears disappear and I start the engine to drive home. Can't wait to be there. I am so done with people. I am so done with myself.

"Hi! I'm home!" I shout when I walk through the front door.

"We're in the garden!" Louis shouts. I walk through the living room and step outside. All of his bandmates are sitting around a table with him. "Are you okay?" he asks me.

"Yeah it was just a rough day at school. I just need a refreshing shower."

"Well, nobody is in the bathroom nor will anyone need it anytime soon so take your time." he replies and I fake a smile and turn around, walking inside again. In my room I grab some fresh underwear and walk into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I strip out of my clothes and put them into the laundry basket. It's stuffed with clothes, I should wash them soon. Maybe even today, depends on what I feel like later. I step into the shower and turn on the water. I like to shower quite hot. When the water rins over the wounds it stings and I yelp in pain. After I've cleared my mind I step out of the shower, drying my skin with a soft black towel. So Louis and I don't mix up our towels, he uses white ones and I use the black towels. It's simple. I put on my underwear and then I realize that I didn't bring any fresh clothes with me. I cover myself with the towel and head for my bedroom.

In the hallway I bump into Harry. "Oops sorry." I say almost lifting up my arms but then I remember a reason why I really shouldn't. "Don't worry about it." He replies and continues walking. In my room I look for the most comfortable and big sweater I can find. It's black and very, very, very loose. It reaches down till half of my thighs but I decide to wear white sweatpants anyway. AND cozy socks. I just love cozy socks. They're always making me feel comfortable, I even wear them in summer.

I lay down on the huge sofa in the living room, closing my eyes. "Hey Victoria, do you mind if we watch a movie here?" my brother asks when all of the boys walk into the living room.

"No, just go ahead. But if any of you want me to move so you have some more space you will have to lift me up because I am so tired I won't move. Not even an inch."

Louis gets a movie. It's Hangover. Such a hilarious movie. He puts it into the dvd Player and the movie starts. The lads played themselves on the sofa when Niall walks in with a glass of water. There's like no space left for him so he grabs me by my wrist to pull my torso up. "Ouch!" I pull back my left arm but stay with the upper half of my body lifted up. He sits down behind me, his legs on each side of my body. Then he pulls me back on my shoulders, so I'm rested on his chest. I immediately get the butterfly feeling but of course I don't let anyone notice that. I notice Liam winking at Niall with a smirk.

I am so tired and Niall's chest rising and falling is so calming that I fall asleep after about half an hour. I'm having a nightmare and hold on to Niall's t-shirt, not letting go of it. During my sleep I also turn onto my stomach and cuddle into Niall's chest. Everything without realizing of course.

When I wake up again it's dark. Everyone is gone except for Niall who is staring at me and myself.

"Where is everyone?" I ask sleepily.

"They are in a club, we got a call that the VIP section is free and if we wanna come. We all wanted to go but you kinda didn't let go of me anymore so I thought I'd stay and take care of you."

"You don't need to take care of me. I can do that on my own."

"You sure? Cause if you do, you wouldn't have any problem with showing me your arm don't you?" he says. I pull back the sleeve on my right arm showing it to him. "No, the other one."

"You know what, this is dumb I don't even know what you're talking about" I say sounding annoyed. I try to get up but he pushes me back onto his chest. One arm is around my waist, the other hand pulls up the sleeve on my left wrist. When he sees the skin he gasps and I start to cry. I push myself away, or actually I attempt to but since his arm is around my waist I have no chance in succeeding.

I do not have any idea in what he's going to do. Niall just stares at me with an unreadable expression on his face. I'm starting to get worried. "Please don't tell Louis. He's trying so hard to make me stay happy." I whisper.

"What makes you this unhappy?" Niall asks, his voice cracking up.

"Almost everything. Mostly stuff that has to do with school."

And then, all of a sudden, without a single warning, he kisses me.