Biting Back (Completed)

Carmel drizzel sauce

I'm going out to a cafe to hang out with my future man. He said he wanted to get some coffee and wanted some company and invited me to come with. I dressed up and called out to my inner beauty guru expert from within me to do my makeup expertly fine. Any man should be dropping to their knee to propose to me now. I put on my cutest daintiest summer dress. If I don't wow this man away with my grace. Maybe not my grace, I don't really have the capability and quality to be graceful or even a lady. I better wow him away with my... what do I have to offer to him. I can blow him away. That's my best offer, take it or leave it. I'm not even late, that's a real miracle. I have time to look up at the ceiling and count the flies that are swarming above me. I have enough time to watch one episode of good girls. And one episode later turns into two and two turns into oh shit, I'm late. I have to run my fucking ass to the Cafe so I don't arrive too late.
A train and a heartattack later I have arrived. He sits there already sipping his coffee. "Sorry I already ordered. I was wondering if you were coming." He said looking me up and down as I was fighting my body to contain my exhaustion and trying to look like a normal decent human being for him. "What's up." I said as I was about to lose consciousness. My will to live in that moment had cease to exist. This must be a test. How far can one go to humiliate themselves. I think I'm getting an A++. Added that extra plus because I just have to put a cherry on top of everything, sprinkled with a little bit of humbling experienceses to really salt the wound and set it on fire and stomp on it. To finish it off, tie a little bow on it for that girly finish. I ordered black coffee and a nice little slice of cake. It was a nice cake before it gave me an allergic reaction. I should have checked the ingredients before I ordered it. I didn't have a epipen on me, like ever. Those things hurt my pocket. Besides my reactions haven't been that bad. Only one hospital visit and a racking medical bill... I should be more careful. My future man offered to take me to the hospital but I declined. I got better things to do and I'll get over it, maybe I won't, but it's fine, maybe it's not fine. I need medical help... fuck.

And a hospital visit later I'm alive and well physically. My soul has left and died and rotten away somewhere in the corner there. And there goes my dignity. Oh, would you look at that, that must be my first class ticket to wonder what the fuck could possibly happen next. I went home from the hospital, healthy with a racking amount of medical bills. Maybe not as healthy as I should be for the cost of it. My mental health has not only deteriorate, but it has crumbled into an black dark empty pit of despair and died a slow painfull humilating death. I cant even lie, I fucking love my life. It has been great and all. Nice to meet you all and shit, but this... this is not it. What the fuck is this. This isnt anything close to what I sign up for. Not that there was a contract or anything. There must have been some misunderstanding between my parents when giving birth to me. That must be why. It has to be some ones fault. Oh yeah, did I meantion he was gay. Erick was right.
I mean I still want to be friends with him. He's really nice and he has good humor. Great guy in everyway. God damn what a master piece. He better find himself the most perfect, loving guy out there to complement him. God damn, that's too good. I'll just tell Erick he died or something so he won't think he's right about. When's he going to show up again anyways... is he gone for good? He always shows up... he always shows up when I seem to need him but never want him. So what happens if I don't need him, but I do want him...? Forget it, and him. I need to learn to move on. How about I go and get some icecream, a bar of chocolate and some carmel drizzel sauce. I can go home and watch the notebook. The happiest times of my life. I love it. I mean  it's kind of already 2 a.m. but since when does time stop anyone. The stores open 24/7. I'll make a run for it. Gotta put on my running shoes and the baggiest hoodie for protection. I'm not protecting myself, I'm protecting others from having a heartattack after seeing me. Might want to call me a hero for looking out for the civilians like that. Doing the world a favor. I'm obviously not going to run, more like sprint, or jog... I'll just walk it easier anyways. I get to the store, alright, everything's fine, until I realize that they don't sell carmel drizzel sauce. That should be considered a war crime. It's such a basic menu item of every break up fix ever. Why not just have it in the store. They can have a banner that advertises the ingredients of break up make up menu kit and sell it all in one place. How neat would that be. I think I should be getting my pay for such a great idea. I'm not giving up. I am getting my carmel drizzel sauce. I'll just find another convince store. There's plenty around. Plenty around here somewhere...