Immaculate

Chapter 11

"Mo-om! I'm ho-ome!" I called as I walked into my house.

"Immaculate, I'm in the cellar. Please come here," Mother called to me.

I dropped off my stuff in my room and then I hurried to the cellar. It's a pretty involved process to get down there. For some reason my Mother thought it would be a good idea to add one of those infinite staircases from Mario and you have to remember to take the other staircase down. There's still a group of paparazzi who invaded our house stuck on that infinite staircase. And then the other staircase is only accessible through a magical briefcase. I don't spend a lot of time in the cellar. I don't even know what's down there, to be honest.

"Mother!" I called, looking around once I was down there. "Where are you?"

"Closet," she replied.

"Man, me too," I said. "I just spent two weeks closer than ever to this guy named Alexson and I'm starting to think I have feelings for him."

"No, like, the literal closet to your left," she said.

"Oh."

I walked into the huge closet that apparently acted as a safe, because gold bars lined the walls. Mother was in a hole in the middle of the room with a shovel in her hand.

"Mother?" I whispered.

"I'm immigrating," she said.

"I think you're digging a hole in our basement."

"I'm going to China."

"Okay."

She looked up, frowning. "Have you read a People magazine recently?"

"As a matter of fact, I have. That's not something I thought I would ever say."

"Well, read that one," she said, nodding her head to a magazine on the floor.

I picked up the magazine and read the bookmarked page.

HICKORY DICKORY DOCK, CHECK OUT ROGER DROPLETIA'S GIANT COCK!

"I really, really, really don't want to read this," I said.

"Oh, that's the wrong one," Mother said. "I meant the other one."

I picked up the other magazine and read it.

HEAD, SHOULDERS KNEES AND TOES, KNEES AND TOES!

Below was a picture of me and...Emil?

I read on.

"As we all know, Immaculate Dropletia is known as one of the super flyest and hottest teens of all. But does he now have competition?

Emil Turbie Twist, another random guy, has entered the chat.

"Sure, Immaculate has impeccable fashion. Sure, Immaculate has dimples and really straight teeth. Sure, Immaculate is everything I wish I could ever be. But can he do this?" Emil then proceeded to do a sick kickflip in front of our reporters. "No! The teens of this country don't need another High School Musical extra! They need a rad, dirty boy who doesn't wear a helmet when he bikes down his street! I mean, Immaculate hangs out with garbage, but it isn't even smelly! It's just boring garbage!"

Is Emil's claim true? Is Immaculate too hot and a perfect little good boy? Does Immaculate think this is the end? Is this the end? How much longer do we have until the Earth explodes in a fiery eruption? Find out next week!"

I moaned, feeling like I had just ejaculated.

"Immaculate," my Mother started softly.

"Yeah?"