500 days of gerard | gerard way x female reader

8: i love gerard.

day 40

"i don't know amanda... i think it's official. i'm in love with gerard. i love his smile, i love his hair, i love his... awkward pinky, i love this... mole on his nose, i love the way he chews his gum, i love the sound of his laugh, i love the way he looks when he's smoking... i love how i hear the song "there is a light that never goes out" by the smiths whenever i think of him. i love how he makes me feel... like anything's possible. like... i don't know. like life is worth it." i told amanda, as i walked into the comic book store.

"this is not good.." she mumbled out, before entering the building as well.

i forgot to tell; i lost my job. AGAIN.

just today i got a call from my boss telling me i was fired.

time skip

long story short; our band was having a performance with my chemical romance that night.

"DUDEEE I CAN'T WAIT I'M SO HYPED" nina shouted as she jumped up and down in excitement. i giggled, fixing my hair while i lit up a cigarette. i smirked with my teeth, as i looked down at gerard who was checking himself out in the mirror.

"you look good" i said quietly into his ear so that only he could hear it, and his eyes lit up as he looked up at me. he parted his lips, staring at me with those doe hazel eyes.

"thanks.." he mumbled out, brushing a strand of his hair behind his ear.

soon it was time for us to come on stage before gerard's band did, so i took my guitar and went there.

i greeted the crowd loudly, and then i fixed the microphone; because it was too tall as always. i cleared my throat, as i fixed my guitar strap.

"this song is new" i said into the microphone, excited as hell. we haven't released that song yet, and no one has heard it. not even gerard.

we started playing the song; it was called "i'm yer dad" (YES THE SONG BY GRLWOOD!!), and everyone started a big ass mosh pit.

i squealed into the mic, playing sloppily on my guitar. everything about that performance felt so punk. from our messy aesthetic, to the music, to the way i sang and played guitar.

after we were done with all the songs we prepared for that night, i dropped the mic, as nina screamed into her own microphone.

"ALRIGHT BYE GUYS!! AND PLEASE WELCOME... MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE!" she shouted and the whole crowd cheered, as we started going backstage. the boys came on stage, and they smiled at us.

i watched them play from the backstage, staring mostly at gerard. his screams were so full of life. i was so focused... when suddenly my heart dropped.

"this song... is dedicated to someone very special. she has helped me in so many ways..." gerard said into the mic, as cubicles started playing. i started overthinking. it was the first song of his he showed me; i just lost my job; and he used she/her pronouns. was the song dedicated... to me?

"i know you don't work here anymore..." he sang, as he looked over at me. a sudden shock hit my body, and i couldn't think straight.

soon the song ended, and frank started crowd surfing.

time skip

"you guys were awesome!" tony cheered as the boys came backstage. they all giggled, some of them drinking water and the others just wiping their faces and hair with towels. he high-fived all of them, smiling uncontrollably.

"did you like the song?" gerard suddenly appeared next me, making me look up at him in shock. he startled me with his presence.

"which song? i liked all of them.." i mumbled out, as i took a cigarette out of my bra and lit it up, he smirked, taking the cigarette out of my hand and taking a drag.

"the one i dedicated to you" he said, and my stomach twisted as my cheeks became red. i looked down, biting my bottom lip as a small awkward smile appeared on my face. i looked back at him, nodding my head softly.

"mhm" i hummed, and he smirked yet again, ruffling my black messy hair.

"good" he whispered, before he handed back my cigarette and disappeared. he started acting like an animal; drinking a beer after another, smoking like a maniac and he even took some weird pills.

it was kind of scaring me, but i brushed it away.

after some time of having fun backstage, we finally left the building after all fans disappeared. we stood at the parking lot where only our RV and their van could be seen, drinking whiskey that apparently frank brought.

some guy... i forgot his name.. i think it was bob? yeah. bob. he started flirting with me, and i could see gerard clenching his jaw and putting his hands into fists whenever he said something towards me.

"you're so gorgeous, you know?" bob said, and i awkwardly smiled.

"thanks i guess" i answered, unbothered by his words. and that's when gerard punched him so hard that he fell down to the ground.

"ouch! what the fuck man!" bob yelled, holding his bloody nose.

"just.. fuck off! alright?" gerard growled, as he harshly grabbed my hand and dragged me inside their van.

he kept dragging me along, when suddenly we stood in front of a couch. he let go off me, and immediately grabbed his head in both of his veiny hands.

"i'm sorry i don't know what the fuck happened back there.." he apologized, as i hugged myself nervously.

"don't be sorry.. i don't mind.. you should apologize to bob though" i said, as he shook his head.

"i'm not apologizing to that asshole. no way in hell i would do that" he said angrily, as he looked into my eyes, furrowing his bushy eyebrows slightly. i shrugged, trying to act so "though". i sat down on the brown leather couch quickly, taking a cigarette yet again.

after a few seconds of silence, he left somewhere. i sighed, as i stood up from the couch and went outside.

he's so fucking confusing.