I Know What It's Like To Be Dead | Beatles Fanfiction

Chapter 38

Alexandra's POV

I woke up with John's arms still wrapped around me. I detangled myself from his embrace and sat up. He was still asleep, his hair all messy and his lips slightly parted. I couldn't help but to smile and play with some strands of hair hanging on his forehead.  After a while I got up and went to the kitchen to make breakfast, when a wave of nostalgia and sadness came over me. I was feeling very confused again about my feelings for John and Paul, like I did when I was a teenager. While I was fixing some kind of breakfast with whatever I could find in John's kitchen, I thought about all the bad places these mixed feelings brought me to. How depressed I was after breaking up with Paul, how guilty I felt whenever I kissed John... I put down the pan I was holding and went to grab a tissue to try and hold back the tears, but it didn't really help. "I don't want to be depressed again" a voice in my head cried. "I'm only now trying to get better!" I continued fixing breakfast and put everything on the table.

I walked back in the living room to find John still sleeping on his back. I smiled and sighed. There had always been something between me and him. It was unexplainable. I wiped my eyes, making sure I didn't look like I was crying and sat down on the couch, next to John. I leaned in and kissed him softly, and after a few seconds I felt his hand on my cheek. I pulled back and put my hand on his chest as he stretched and woke up. "Good morning, luv" he said in a husky voice as he smiled at me. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and placed a few kisses just beneath his jaw. I sat back up and got up. "I made breakfast" I said with a smile. I walked back in the kitchen and made tea, when John snaked his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. "You alright, luv?" I nodded and turned around. "Of course!" I said, a little bit too enthusiastic. 

I grabbed the two cups of tea and placed them on the table, and sat down. John turned on the radio, and sat next to me. For a while, we ate in a comfortable silence. "It's been a while since someone made me brekkie." John said without looking up. I smiled and continued eating my breakfast. 
"Did you sleep well?" I asked John, before I took a sip from my tea. He looked up at me and made a face. "Well, it could 'ave been better, but you decided to sleep on that small couch with me so" I laughed and playfully punched his arm. He chuckled and pulled me in for a kiss. "I slept very well, thank you. Especially with you in me arms." I blushed and got up to clean the table. John got up as well and helped me with the dishes. 

I fell back on the couch as John turned off the radio, and put on a Buddy Holly record. He sat down next to me and put his arm over my shoulder. I looked at him and smiled. "John?" He turned to look at me "Hmm?" 
"Don't you miss Hannah?" I asked quietly. John raised his eyebrow and chuckled. I frowned at his reaction. "What?" He just shook his head with a smile on his face. "I realized something last night, when we were lying on the couch Alex." He turned and looked my in the eyes. "It should 'ave been you all along. Me and Hannah weren't supposed to be together. It has always been you." I couldn't help but to blush and rested my head on his chest. 

We decided to just hang around his flat that afternoon. We listened to records, talked, kissed, cuddled,... I felt loved and happy with John. Nothing was holding us back this time to be with each other, unlike a few years ago. We were dancing to an Elvis record when John's doorbell rang. He left me dancing while he went to get the door. I sat down and took a sip from my glass of wine when John came back in, with Paul following him. I took a deep breath, and smiled. I wasn't going to hold a grudge against him. I didn't care anymore. "Hiya Paul" I waved at him, not planning to get up from the couch to greet him. He looked quite confused. "Oh, Alex, hey.. What're you doing here?" He asked with a forced smile. John spoke up. "Well, Hannah called Alex to tell her she had to tell me Hannah didn't love me anymore last night, and then Alex stayed for the night to help me mend me broken heart." John said, in a melodramatic voice as he placed his two hands on his chest. Paul grinned at this, but it faded quickly when he looked back at me. 

"So, how's ehm... What's her name.. Rachel?" John asked, to break the silence. Paul shrugged and glanced at me. "She's doin' fine. She's back at me flat." he said while he put his hands back in the pockets of his coat. I smiled bitterly when I heard this and calmly took off the bracelet that was on my wrist. I stood up and walked over to Paul and dangled the bracelet in front of him. "You know Paul, y'have to think before you give someone insignificant something expensive. Maybe you should give it to - what's her face?" I asked while I turned to John for an answer. He crossed his arms while he was leaning against the table with a grin on his face. "Rachel" he replied. I grinned back at him and turned back to Paul. "Right. Rachel." 

I grabbed Paul's wrist and dropped the bracelet in the palm of his hand. "You're welcome." I said with a grin, while I patted his shoulder and went back to my spot on the couch. He stood there and didn't say anything. He turned to John who was still grinning and shrugged at him. "You coming Johnny?" I asked John, before taking another sip from my glass of wine and patting the spot on the couch next to me. Paul took this as his cue to leave. I grinned as he looked at me and John confused. "I'll see ya tomorrow at Abbey Road, Macca." John said, while opening the door and letting Paul out, who just mumbled a goodbye. 

John fell back on the couch next to me "You're somethin' else, aren't ya?" He said with a mischievous grin on his face. I laughed and shrugged. "I'm not going to let history repeat itself John. This time we all know how it is. And I'm not gonna let Paul play with my feelings either. He didn't call me for three weeks and hangs out with Miss whats-her-face, so if he expected me to fall at his feet, he got it wrong." John cupped my face and kissed me lovingly. Not like he usually does. This time it was much softer, slower. 

"You're finally mine, then." He said while he put his arm around my shoulder, and casually leaned back on the sofa. I smiled and rested my head on his chest. 

This time it was going to be different. No sneaking about. No lying. We were both free to love each other. 

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Hiya guys! 

So, after two years I think I finally know where I want to go with the ending of this story. I'm aiming to make it a 50 chapter long story, but it might be a little less. We'll see! 

Hope you enjoy this chapter! (even though nothing too exciting happens here either, sorry.)

XOXO