𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙤𝙣 𝙋𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 - 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙧 ✔

𝘍𝘰𝘶𝘳 | 𝘚𝘦𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘵

TW:
Panic attacks

Calum went on a walk. A very long walk. 

From Harry's party to the Nelson's.

Mrs Nelson was supposed to pick the boys up, but Calum had left early and now he had utterly exhausted himself by walking home.

He had even accidently walked towards his old house, the one where they lived after their parents death. Thankfully he had realised where he was and quickly changed the direction, and entering the house a few doors away from his location.

He had changed into pajamas, and after dropping a quick text to Nick and Sarah that he was already home, and ready to go to bed, he had drowned himself with layers and layers of blankets, and he let sleep take him away.

But his heart hadn't slowed down.

His shallow breaths consumed the guest bedroom of the Nelson household. The place he could truly never call home, feeling as though he didn't deserve it. Not yet anyways.

Especially now.

He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and buried his face in his palms trying to cool his face down.

His stomach was churning, getting ready to throw out the salad he had eaten for lunch, his fingers peeling the dried skin on his hands.

The boy kicked the blankets away and set himself down on the ground. His hands constantly fidgeted with anything and everything. He had curled up on the ground with his pillow, as he hyperventilated, anything he tried to do to calm his breathing kept failing.

He was nothing. He was nothing at all. He ruined everything. He ruined his life as well as his brothers, after staying with their aunt, his brother is now stuck in a boarding school, for the mistakes Calum was responsible for. At least he thought so.

He lived in Nick's house, ate food Nick's mother cooked for them, lived in their space. Why? What had he done to deserve something so good, so comforting, so nice?

What had he done to be living a good life now? Have friends like Nick, and Ramona?

Ramona.

The girl who had been his friend as long as Nick Nelson, the best friend he had, the only person he'd share his airpods with other than Nick, (the thought also made him realise he had run out of the party hall with only one airpod, and the other one still with Ramona, which caused him more anxiety), he had given her the consent to kiss him, he shouldn't have. He doesn't know why he did.

He was trying so hard to keep his life together, and he was still hanging on a very loose thread, and the boy slipping down every time he breathed.

He didn't have feelings for Ramona. He didn't before, but now he knew for sure.

Did he just ruin the friendship he had with her? Will he lose her now? If he did, he probably deserved it. He thought so.

Calum Woods, a highschooler, orphan, and a coward.

He didn't notice the door flying open or someone entering.

He was brought back into the real world when he was helped my Nick to sit straighter and Nellie curling up against his leg like usual. "Can you hear me?" Nick's voice echoed in his mind, he was disoriented from almost passing out, he had to test the waters by hearing his friend say a few more words.

"Cal, can you hear me?"

Calum nodded, slightly, "m-- my chest-- it bu-- burns--"

Nick separated Calum's hands when he noticed that he had picked on them too much, and his fingernails had started to bleed. "It's okay... I'm right here." Nick whispered as he held one of Calum's hands, giving them a reassuring squeeze.