Sodapop X Y/N Cade

Chapter 3

I woke up to the sunset with a pounding headache. "What did I drink last night?" Getting up, I stumbled into the bathroom to get a glimpse of myself. When I looked in the mirror, what I saw was only able to be described with one word: A mess. My perfectly bouncy curls were now frizzy thanks to friction and there was mascara running down my cheeks from crying.

But I didn't see just me. For a split second, I heard Dally's smug, yet tired morning voice (side note: that's like really hot): "Look what the cat dragged in '' he was mocking me. I felt his arm snake around my waist and my back press to his chest. He rested his head by my shoulder and nipped my ear. He used to do that every time I stood in front of this mirror.

I looked behind me. I saw nothing. Nothing I knew in the all-too-familiar room. I only knew those things not as just Y/N, but as us, Me and Dal, Dal and his angel, as he would say. That's how I know this room. As just Y/N, I didn't. Nevertheless, I washed off my remaining makeup and with slightly damp hands, I reached for the towel that hung near the shower. Just as I was about to grab it, I stopped myself. I wouldn't use it. I couldn't. I grabbed a spare one from the shelf in the corner. With dry hands this time, I reached for the towel and rubbed part of it between my fingers, evaluating the texture. I pulled it off the hook and held it to my chest. The last time it was used was only just over a month ago, so the scent of the previous owner lingered. One of the scents I once knew all too well. What was once a staple part of my life, was now nothing but a memory. A point in time I experienced with an alive soul. Now that my soul was dead, so was the true memory behind the memory. There were no more memories.

Before I could register what I was doing, I was behind the bar counter in the cabinet I swore to neve open again. I opened the cabinet and pulled out a locked box. I put in the numbers to unlock it and pulled out the blade stored inside. It had a blue handle embellished with gold and Dallas' name carved into one side. I admired the carvings before slipping it into my pocket.

This blade had one purpose and it was about to be put to use. I slipped it in my pocket and fast-walked out the door. I reached the lot and sat on a small bench in the corner. I pulled the blade out of my pocket. I took an extra long time this time, in no hurry at all. The night was cold. I pulled his jacket closer to my body and flipped open the blade. I held it to my arm.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't stop. I'm sorry I had to use this. I promised you I would never resort back to this method to calm myself. But I have no choice now. I hope you understand. I'd do anything to feel something again. The last thing you told me before you died was 'Y/N, Love, this may be the end of me, but that doesn't mean it has to be the end of us. You have always been my saving grace, and now it's my turn. You won't have to question things, I'll guide you from the afterlife. You have been my angel all this time. It's my time to become yours. I'll be waiting above for you when your time comes and we'll make us last forever. This isn't a goodbye, just a see you later. Y/N Cade, I love you."

I looked down at my wrists. I looked back up at the sky. It was dark. Like my dead soul. Enough fussing about. My time had come. I took the blade and held it up to the moonlight. I could see the light shine down on me. I knew he was watching me. Forever, here I come. I thought. I closed my eyes and ran the blade across it along each of my fingertips horizontally . One by one.

It felt good to finally feel something other than misery and depression. That feeling was Pain. I pointed my fingers downwards and let the blood drip. I heard every drop fall to the pavement below me. I made more cuts, vertical this time. They turned into plus signs. I turned my hand so they looked like x's. Blood seeped out of them. The x's represented a dead soul. My dead soul. The blood was the life dripping out of me at a torturous speed. Slow as a snail.

I should have stopped then. But I didn't. I kept going. I made a small pattern of x's around my wrist like a bracelet. A bracelet of death. I rolled up the sleeves of Dally's leather jacket. I layed down on the bench and admired the stars for a while. I smiled, remembering our star watching dates back then. Ironic. Stargazing. The first memory with him, and the last I'd have of him. We'd have plenty of stargazing dates in the afterlife. With that thought, I made another slit on my stomach, still laying on my back. Then, the base of my neck. Blood stained the collar of his jacket. My blood.

Content for the first time within the last 47 days..no, 48, days, I focused my attention upwards and watched as the black dots appeared, but I greeted them like an old friend. I set the blade down, running my finger over the carving of his name one last time. This was going to be my last night on earth. I looked at my uncut hand. So many old scars. I remember each and every one of them. I used the blood from my cut up fingers to doodle on the pavement below me. I wrote out:

I am happy to die like this ❤️

-Y/N (soon would-have-been) Winston

Cutting my fingers again as necessary. I saw my vision fade out as sound went damp. Death had come for me. To take me to my forever home.