A Blue Mountain Memory

LXV

Cora stared at the clock in the parlor.

She knew that only an hour had passed since Henry left, yet it had felt like an eternity. She thought maybe the note he received had been from Lee, who still had not returned home. She thought that, perhaps, the note was irrelevant, and that Henry simply needed space. If that had been the case, Cora understood. No matter the reason for his abrupt departure, Cora worried about his absence. She felt emotionally drained and simply having him by her side– even if he was angry and silent– would have provided a sense of comfort. Though she wondered about the note and why he stormed off, Cora knew better than to run after him. All she could do now was wait.

But waiting allowed her time to think. And thinking allowed her an opportunity of reflection. Cora, though, did not want to reflect. She wanted to erase this summer from her mind, making it disappear as though it never happened. She wanted to go further than that. She wanted to make it so that Henry had never hosted a birthday celebration, that way she would not have been reunited with Elwood. No, she wanted to go even further. She wished she had never fallen in love with Elwood, then her father would probably be alive, and her heart would not feel like a heavy lump of rot sitting in her chest. Sure, she would not have had William, but at least that would have spared him from living in this turbulent and terrifying world.

Cora felt like an idiot, lying on the sofa, staring at the clock, waiting for her husband to return. She had become the woman she wished she never would, idly waiting for the man to return because she needed him. This was not the path Cora had ever intended to take. When she was younger, she had dreamt of independence. She had imagined staying with parents forever, providing for them, remaining where it was comfortable and safe. She never imagined herself as an adulteress, either... Someone who snuck around behind her spouse's back. The more Cora thought about her life and her decisions, the more she realized that she no longer recognized herself. She did not know this consciousness that occupied her trembling shell.

Even when her father died and she had to move her life to New York, Cora had found solace in her new friends. Susan had protected her, helping her transition from the country to the city and providing her with warm support and friendship. Richard had also been an immense help for Cora, sticking by her side until he no longer could. Edith took Cora under her wing. She educated her and instilled in her a valuable sense of confidence after years of being so unsure of herself. Those three had truly changed Cora's life, yet she had nearly forgotten about them.

She had married Henry and seemingly left her friends behind. She should have been praying for Susan every day. She should have spent more time with Edith. She should have written back to Richard. Instead, Cora had become consumed by her new role as a wife. She had tried to please Henry and reveled in the brief love that he showed her. Then she became distracted by Elwood's return. Her pursuit of the love she had once known took over, blinding her to the reality of things. But she stopped her mind there. She did not want to think of Elwood. Not now, and not ever, though she knew deep down that he would continue to haunt her forever– just as he once did. She would never escape him.

Cora's eyes felt heavy. She realized she was still gazing up at the clock. It was almost one-thirty, a strange hour for someone to be knocking at the door. Yet someone was knocking. It was a soft knock, one that was quiet but still sounded urgent. It was a succession of rapid knocks, one after the other.

Cora wondered if it was Lee, or perhaps even Scarlet. It surely was not Henry, for he would have just entered silently yet angrily.

She dragged herself to the door to see a disheveled young woman holding a small child in her arms. The woman stared at Cora with wide eyes. They were dark, doe eyes, wide as could be. Her skin was a deep, dark brown, and her thick raven hair sat neatly on top of her head, covered mostly by a printed scarf. Her full, pink lips trembled.