the essence of life is love

Naamloos deel 30

In the car, it is silent. Bo sits behind Kaan, a bag of belongings beside him. Seb is in the passenger seat. Bo doesn't recognize this car, it's a different vehicle than the one he has been driving in for the past few years. It seems more like someone else's private car. It's not Seb's car either, it's not red, unless he has a second car that Bo doesn't know about. Which is plausible, given the secrets he has only discovered in the last few days. This could easily be one more thing.

Kaan stops at Seb's house. Inside, Lara is moving around, she even comes to look out the window but doesn't open the door for her friend. Bo can't tell if there's a fight between the two or if it's just an equilibrium that develops when you distance yourself from each other. Like with Jasmijn, he and Lara also share a form of connection that is enough to trust each other without resulting in arguments or unpleasant discussions. Out of habit, he waves as Seb looks back in the doorway, but Bo doesn't know if it's directed at him.

Kaan still doesn't say anything, Bo notices he's driving differently. This is not the route home.

"Where are we going? We're not heading home this way."

Kaan remains silent for a moment. Only after a few traffic lights does he indicate that he has heard Bo.

"I'm picking up Rick."

"Isn't he home then?"

"We're not at your home, if that's what you mean."

"Where then? Aren't we living together anymore?"

"We're almost there. Rick will explain."

It's true, they don't drive much longer. Just outside the city, Kaan turns onto a road that looks more like a dirt path. The car rocks back and forth. The car stops at a few small houses, and Kaan gets out, opening the door for Bo.

Before Bo can ask where he should go, a door opens, and Rick steps outside. He looks completely different, unshaven, wearing a T-shirt instead of a shirt, ripped jeans with old sneakers.

"Come in."

He gestures for Bo to enter. Kaan gets back into the car and drives it further.

"Isn't Kaan coming inside?"

"He's waiting until he can take you home. Take a seat."

Bo looks around the small room. Boxes are everywhere, and stuff is stacked up. It seems clean but not more than that. The house is not large and is filled with cabinets and belongings up to the ceiling. Books are still on shelves or in a box, as are records, empty covers, and small boxes, made of wood or paper, sometimes steel. They are not large boxes, more the size of a cigarette packet.

"What is this?"

Bo gestures around the room with his hand.

"These are my mother's belongings. This is her house. Now it's mine since I have no other family."

"Did your mother live here?"

"The last years of her life, yes. The last few months, no, not here."

"Oh."

Out of curiosity, Bo wants to ask where she stayed, but at the very last moment, he doesn't dare.

"My mother was admitted to an institution. The same one where we met."

Bo is silent, he looks at Rick.

"Do you mean? Was she also?"

He swallows the rest of his words.

"Yes, my mother was addicted, all her life. On and off, but mostly high."

"Sorry, I didn't know."

"It's okay, Bo, take a seat. You don't need to be afraid, there are no needles or any of that stuff here anymore. Kaan and I cleaned it months ago with the help of a friend, he is from the police, he got a drugs dog."

A small smile on Rick's face is encouraging enough for Bo to sit in one of the old chairs.

"Why are you here? And not at home?"

"I didn't know if you still wanted us at home, so we've been coming here for the past few days."

As he says this, Rick puts a key on the wooden table between them.

"We haven't told you anything about us, not because we didn't want to, but because it doesn't fit with our assignment. Now that we don't work for you anymore..."

"Wait, what are you saying? Why don't you work for me anymore? Do you think I can do it alone just like that?"

"It may be best for all of us not to continue if trust is no longer there."

"Who says I don't trust you."

"That's the question for you."

"Of course, nothing has changed."

The two look directly at each other.

"Maybe something has. I now know that you belong to Kaan. That you two are together. It was just a shock for me. I had no idea. I've just been blind. Maybe even intentionally."

Rick looks at Bo questioningly.

"You know, my father, how should I say this, my father was a strange man."

Bo swallows his emotions.

"My father used to hit me when I talked about my friends. While I knew he visited men."

Bo doesn't dare to look at Rick, he stares at the key on the table, shining in the light of a desk lamp.