J.A.C.I.E.'s World (All Time Low Fanfiction | Jack Barakat)

Chapter 16

I was working on getting my life together again. Things were still trying to fix themselves, but I was back to showing up early to the studio, back to getting my work done in time, and back to feeling more like myself. I hadn't started therapy yet, but my dad had helped me find somebody and my first appointment was going to be two weeks later. Still, I was determined to start making other good changes in my life.

Jack and I were doing much better again as well. Our phone calls were back to normal, talking about everything and nothing before I went to bed. I'd told him about my choice to get therapy, which he responded positively to. He was glad that I was willing to get professional help on top of leaning on each other. I could tell he felt relieved even though he would probably never tell me with those exact words.

I sent a message to the group chat I had with all of my friends after rain checking on a night out, suggesting that we meet for lunch or something else. I loved them, I really did, but I couldn't keep up with the lifestyle they were promoting now. There was a party nearly every night that we could go to, but I couldn't let myself be dragged along anymore.

And that was how we ended up at a cafe for some brunch. We were sitting around a table for eight people. Not everybody was there, but the people I considered the most important were: Hazel, Sarah, Nash, and a few other of my closest friends. We had our mimosas and were waiting for our food to arrive.

We were just chatting and having fun, but I knew I had to breach the difficult topic before I would let the entire meal pass me by. It was just never easy to have these kinds of conversations with people that counted on you.

"Guys," I began carefully, "there's something I want to talk to you about."

Immediately all eyes fell on me, and I could feel the curiosity and questions in the air. Some eyes even trailed down to my mimosa in confusion. But, no, I wasn't pregnant.

"You guys all mean the world to me, I hope you know that," I continued. "But, lately, I've been thinking about how things are going."

There were some puzzled looks. Even Hazel looked confused from her seat next to me.

"I've just realised that this lifestyle we've got going on isn't the lifestyle I want anymore," I confessed.

There was a moment of silence as everybody continued to stare at me, expecting me to add more. But that was it, that was all I really had to say. I just needed them to know I couldn't go out with them anymore but still loved them and would gladly continue our other activities. Of course, there were still going to be nights that I would join, but not in the way we had been.

Then, the reactions finally came in. Sarah was the first to ask, "what do you mean, Jacie?"

I took a deep breath, knowing I was just going to say it in plain words. "I mean that I can't keep partying almost every night. Especially now that I'm married."

Nash frowned sternly, practically glaring at me. "That doesn't mean you have to give up on your friends."

"I'm not giving up on you guys!" I quickly defended before that thought could escalate. "I just need to prioritise Jack and my own well-being."

But it didn't seem to help. He just continued to stare. "Really? Why change things now?"

I sighed softly and Sarah nudged him harshly with her foot. I knew this was probably not going to be easy. Especially since they had gotten used to the party girl version of me over the past month. I was always down to go out, I was always everybody's personal hype man, and nothing could stop me.

"Listen, guys," I said earnestly and slowly, "I value our friendship more than anything. But the late nights, the partying – it's been taking a toll on me. My health and my relationship with Jack are important to me too."

Nash crossed his arms. "So you're just going to be disappearing into married life, then?"

"You know what? Just forget about the fact that I mentioned Jack for one second," I changed course. Honestly, I didn't think that would be the one point that would be the pitfall. "I need to stop doing this for me. I've not been doing well at all."

Hazel slowly slipped her hand into mine and gave it a squeeze. When I glanced at her, I saw her giving me a sad and apologetic look. I didn't blame any of them, but I did need them to stop enabling it.

"She's right, Nash," Hazel sighed.

Nash's voice was still tinged with annoyance. "We're just having some fun, what's wrong with that?"

"There's nothing wrong with it," I shook my head. "I just need to make healthy choices for myself."

"We get it, Jacie," Hazel smiled softly and then gave Nash a stern look. "I think Nash is just saying that we'll miss you."

I knew she was trying to make him back down, but I could tell he was really struggling to understand where I was coming from. "I'm not saying I won't ever join you guys at all. I just can't do every night anymore."

Nash uncrossed his arms again. "You're doing this for yourself, though, right? Not for Jack?"

I wanted to say yes. It seemed like that was the answer he wanted. But if I did that, then I would have been lying. I just got the feeling that he didn't really understand what went into marriage. It made sense. We were only in our early twenties. I barely knew what had to go into it. But I knew it required a lot of effort.

"I'm doing it for both of us," I ended up saying after taking a moment to gather my thoughts. "I nearly lost myself, my job, and him because of all this."

Hazel nodded supportively. "Jacie's been through a lot lately, and we should respect her for setting boundaries."

"I mean... it's not been a lot..." I shrugged off.

"But it affected you."

"I just don't want you changing for some guy," Nash clarified.

"Nash," Sarah gasped, giving him yet another nudge.

"I'm not changing for anybody," I couldn't help but laugh a little at the absurdity. "But relationships are all about balance. I just need to focus a little more on my marriage and on my own well-being. That doesn't mean I'm leaving you behind. We can still continue hanging out."

I could see that there was an internal battle going on in his mind. But there were some cracks starting to show. He wasn't just a shell of denial anymore. If I said the right thing, I could probably break it down completely.

"Think about it this way," I decided to use an example he could maybe understand, "if you were dating a girl, would you want her out almost every night getting wasted?"

"She would be her own person," he shrugged and took a sip of the mimosa in front of him.

"Would you?" I repeated.

He stared at me for a few seconds before mumbling, "no."

"Exactly. But as I said, that's not the only reason. The main reason is for myself. I was drinking to forget, not to have fun."

He rubbed his temples and closed his eyes. "Okay, okay. I get it. It's just going to take some getting used to."

I smiled, relieved that he seemed to be coming around. "Thank you. I promise you this won't change the way I feel about you guys. I care about you all so much."

"We'll be here whenever you need us," Hazel squeezed my hand again.

Sarah nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we're not going anywhere, even if we're not going out every night."

I leaned back into my chair in relief, grateful that they were all starting to see where I was coming from. Even if it took a little convincing. I knew Nash only wanted the best for me, but he also needed to understand that Jack wasn't just a fling anymore. We were way past that. He was forever going to be a huge part of my life.

It only took another minute before our food arrived. We chatted about other plans we could make together, such as more game nights or little outings. Not everything had to include copious amounts of alcohol. Even a bi-weekly brunch was something that we could commit ourselves to.

I truly felt like I was making great steps towards a better future for myself.