They say be careful for what you wish for, but the movies aren't real anyway.
Sometimes, I kinda wish I was just an only child of a rich family. Idc, I would still be lonely and feel empty no matter what, I'm sure people will never see more than someone they can use even if my circumstances were more privileged. at least I could get what i want. Im so tired, that I always get the blame and the short end of the stick, just because I am the oldest child. but that will probably be just something that I could only dream, and write about in self indulgence. I am kinda tired.
I don't know why I am gushing over a pity shit, but Idk that's how pathetic I am. This is the only way how I will probably open up to people because they'll just leave me anyway if I didn't fulfill their expectations. My family would totally do the same, if only I wasn't blood related.
I just hope in the future, I would work hard, get rich, get enough money for me to live as a hermit, maybe own a flower shop after I retired or whatever calming shop. I don't care, I was born crying into this world, I would like to be die lonely, because that is how I was raised and how I grew up as. I know no one will fucking like me or love me the way I love them, I know that all too well. If they do, they'd probably just like someone else better than me as always. That's always how it has been. I will never been seen as an equal by anyone. I will always be seen as a dumbass. I will never be seen as anything more. I will never be seen as who I truly am. I don't know why I can't accept my own mistakes, yet I will still be overcome by guilt after. I am so fucked up as a person. I truly and utterly hate myself. All my fucking thoughts online is probably just me trying to entertain my own loneliness. I don't really know anymore. Fuck...
I guess the only thing I will ever known to be happy, is to self indulge in escapism. I wish I was a better or stronger person. But no matter how hard I try, I guess I'll always be awful, or be a piece of shit. God damn it.
YOU ARE READING
A Writer's Block
Ngẫu nhiênThis is where I rant because I don't want to bother people. They'll just tell me things that will worsen my thoughts on myself. I'm tired of people offering comfort, only to shit on you when you ask for it, and that is what became of this book. Mf r...
