Trigger warning: Mention of suicidal thoughts
Is it still depression if I am out and moving?
Or is this ambivert state a sort of new thing?
I can smile and laugh, but the feeling isn't there
And when I crawl back into bed, I wonder why they care.
I can go about my day like there is nothing wrong,
But my insides feel empty where there used to be a song.
I grope in darkness for that tricky little switch
The one for joy or suicide I'm blinded by which is which.
Eventually I find one and all the lights go red
Angry hurtful thoughts fight inside my head
In the chaos, I trudge wanting to go back
To a day inside my life where my thoughts did not attack.
Eventually, I find one and I live inside that day
But in the process I am stuck pushing life away.
Today my friends are texting "let's grab a bite to eat."
"Maybe tomorrow," I start but then I push delete.
I clean my face and stare at my reflection,
Then grab my keys and leave my bed's protection.
I hug myself and wonder just a simple thing.
Is this still depression, if I am still moving?
Jan. 15 2023 MA
YOU ARE READING
Poetry Collection of a Great MA
PoesíaThese are poems I have written at the best and worst moments in life. Trigger warnings will be provided for passages with sensitive topics.
