Cabbage Merchant X Reader

Ch7

The cabbage merchant BRAVELEY stood up and pushed y/n's flimsy frame behind his wimpy crinkly old man body. He took a big breath in and out, his breath fainly resembling that of a cabbage.

"dont touch her" he announced, as if he was dresscoding someone.

y/n slowly looked up at him, worry settling in her eyes like the crust in a lake, she didint want him to get into trouble. He fiercely stepped forward and tucked back a lock of hair revealing his bodacous earlobe. Glistening as bright as the rays of radiation, was a single drop of h20 slightly running down the curve of his auricle's cartilage. y/n instantly recognized the soggy sight in front of her! It hit her like the bottom of the stairs! It was one of the many tears she shedded like a rabid squirrel in the summer when she was sobbing into the old man's wimpy arms!!! She quickly covered her chompers with her manos(HANDS).

At first the green grimy and greasy gremlin didint comprehend why everyone was so utterly flabbergasted, so he politely asked;

"Tf why you showing me ur earlobe, are you insinuating that your auricle is a woman??!??!?"

"no you round imbecile its a tear of a woman in love" replied rolling his gray orbs.

Mike Wasawski loudly gasped and fiddled with the pocket of his trousers, pulling out a plastic heart shaped bottle. Upon further inspection, one could see the face drawn onto the bottle with crayons as it was none other than Taylor swift!! (although there was something not quite right about her)Rapidly wiping his green sweat against his pantaloons-staining them a tad green- the green swifite ran up to the cabbage male as his bare feet smacked loudly against the tile floor of the coffeeshop. Then, the green greenster achieved a small hop and collected the single earlobe teardrop mid air.

"Aha!!!, good very good. Now I can seduce the woman of my dreams!!!" 

He quickly fastened the neon pink cap on the vial and slapped a label on the side 'experiment 69'. y/n just stood there unsure of what to do... was the round fella satisfied?

"I-is that all you need?" y/n stumbled "if not I can definitely cook up a crispy roach!!!"

"no need"

y/n turned her noggin to look up at  the Cabbage Merchant. 

"you can leave now" he continued in an chilly elsa tone, not wanting to waste any more time on this weird ass customer. However he felt as if his motives were a bit off...why did he step up? He never does that to anyone, much less a person he just met today. Whatever it was, it made his earlobe feel a little warm and set him a little more at peace. Surely he did the right thing. His mother would be proud of him.

The small nasty green creature sent him a glare back.

"I was planning on leaving anyways, this place stinks!!!" He furiously loudly smacked his way to the puerta(DOOR) and when he opened it he exclaimed "toodaloo losers!!!"

SLAM!!

oH NO HE DID NOT JUST DO THAT!!! The cabbage hetero felt a surge or anger flow through his veins unlocking a debit card of testosterone that pumped his inner alpha cabbage. Throwing the door open, he met orbs with the green basketball and treating him as such dropped-kicked him a good distance. NONE MESSES WITH HIS PUERTA!!! HE WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS BLATANT DISRESPECT!!!!