Stockholm Syndrome

9. Change is Good

I watch J look around the tattoo shop. The man doing our tattoos doesn't know who I am and is a friend of J, J also decided to get another tattoo along with me. The man asks for no ID because him and J talk. I go next to J and look at the various amounts of designs I could get permanently tattooed on my body. "Know which one you want yet?" He asks looking slightly down at me because I am shorter than him. "No," I confess staring at them all. "I don't know what I want," I sigh and get frustrated. "Get something that's meaningful, or something that will remind you of something... Anything," he suggests. I keep looking, a special one catches my eye. The design is a heart that has small cracks around it but looks like it's healing. The heart is also surrounded by angel wings and have a keyhole in the middle. I realize that it describes me perfectly; I was breaking but I am slowly coming back together, I feel like I'm trying to fly away but there is something that's keeping me locked in. "I want this one." I admire it and show J. He nods and smiles at me warmly. I smile big because he's getting used to smiling and it makes me feel happy. I show the tattoo artist and sit on the chair. "What are you getting?" I question J. He tells me that it's a surprise and sits on the chair across from me while the second man working here works on his tattoo. I'm getting my tattoo on my shoulder blade and J is getting his on his shoulder. I smile nervously because I've never had a tattoo before. The pain begins and it hurts like hell but I contain myself. I can't wait to see how our tattoos turn out.

Finally! J and I get done at nearly the same time. I look at my tattoo in the mirror and smile at how good it turned out. "Wow," I mumble to myself smiling. The artist puts a clear bandage on the fresh ink so I don't mess it up. I walk over to J, "Let me see yours." I'm quite excited to see his new addition on his body. He lifts up his short sleeve shirt revealing the new tattoo. The tattoo is a key. "I have the key to your tattoo," he states. I smile big and stare at it for a bit longer. This was so sweet, it's like he has the key to my heart... But in this case it's just the tattoo. We leave the tattoo shop and drive back to his house. The ride is quiet, halfway there I speak, "Why did you get a key?" He looks at me for a quick second and continues driving. "I have the key to your tattoo." I look at him, "You already said that at the tattoo shop. What does it mean?" I ask for a better explanation. He struggles to find the right words. "It's as if I can unlock you and set you free at any time that I please," he speaks putting emphasis on the second 'I'. I bite my lip and nod. The rest of the car ride is quiet as we arrive home. I take off my shirt and leave on my tank top so my new ink will dry, along with me, J takes off his top as well. "What now?" I ask while sitting on the bed and dangling my feet. "I don't know but... I'm tired." He yawns and goes downstairs. He's going to sleep downstairs? I follow him like I'm some lost puppy on the streets. I don't catch him in the living room but find him in the kitchen popping open a bottle of red wine. "What are you doing?" I ask a stupid question. "What's it look like?" He answers using a stupid answer to match my stupid question. "I want some," I say quietly. "No, this is mine," he says like some 5 year old boy would say about his toys, "I'll take you out for dinner or something tomorrow, then you can have some," he finishes explaining. "Okay," I watch him drink a glass and then put it away. My mouth waters while I watch him put it away, it looked so good. "I'm not tired," I complain. "You sound like my little sister's 4 year old child. She's always tired and always says that," he explains cleaning his dish. "I thought you didn't keep in contact with your family." I raise one eyebrow. "I don't, but she'll call me at least once a month and she comes over a few times as well. I'll see her daughter a few times too, she's not one of those people that hide forever," he shrugs. "Do your siblings know you do this whole... uh... kidnapping thing?" I ask as we make our way back up the stairs and to the bed. "Yeah, that's why they don't talk to me." I sit across from him, both of our legs crossed; pretzel style, as my first grade teacher would have said. "Maybe YOU should try talking to THEM," I suggest. "No, I'm perfectly fine." He doesn't seem to care, he really doesn't like talking about his family. "Where are we going to get dinner tomorrow?" I ask sweetly. "You know, at first, when I said you ask a lot of questions I was just kidding... Now... I don't think I'm joking anymore," he starts to laugh lightly. I giggle as well and apologize. "It's fine but I don't know yet, I'll think about where we'll go." I nod an okay. We lie down facing each other due to our tattoos being on opposite sides of our bodies. He stares at me for a while, "Damn you," he speaks. "W-What?" I stutter as he startles me. "Damn you for making me feel like this." I'm confused. "Like what, J? What are you talking about?" I start to worry slightly. "Nothing," he shakes his head. "Listen-" his phone ringing cuts him off. He sighs and answers, "Hello? Yeah. Right now? In 10 minutes? Why didn't you tell me yesterday or something?" He sits up and so do I. "Grace, it is 6 in the evening. Wow, that's a first. Sorry, okay well see ya. Bye." He hangs up his phone and sets it on his night stand. I could take his phone and make contact with my parents, why did I ever not think of that? Oh yeah, because I'm too afraid. "Speaking of my sister, she's actually on her way right now and she's staying over because she wanted to 'surprise' me." I swear my heart skipped a beat. "What is she going to say when she sees me here?" I ask quickly. "I don't know, I guess we'll find out when she gets here. You and I are going to sleep in the basement so I can let my sister and her daughter sleep in my room," he explains. "Okay," I keep quiet. "She'll be here in," he looks at his phone, "5 more minutes."

We both put on appropriate shirts for his sister's arrival. "She's never stayed over before," he reveals. As his sentence is over there is a knock on the door. We both walk downstairs and I let J open the door. "Hey, J," his sister smiles and hugs him tight. "Hey, Grace," he hugs her back. "Uncle J!" The little girl I almost didn't notice speaks. "Hey there, Ella," J picks up the little girl and gives her a hug. At least I know he likes kids, or it looks as he does. He lets them inside the house, I stand there awkwardly. The strange girl whose name is Ella points at me. I smile at her and wave a small wave, she waves back. "Who is this, J?" His sister questions, looking surprised. "Grace, this is Emily. Emily, this is my sister, Grace." J introduces us. "Nice to meet you Emily. J's never introduced me to a girl before," she admits and I feel my face flush slightly red. "Grace, stop," J says. Her and I both giggle. "Ella, can you say hello to Emily?" Grace asks her child as she takes her from J's arms. "Hi, Emiwee," the little girl greets me. I ask for her name and she tells me it's Ewwa (Ella). "Do you mind if I stay here for two nights?" His sister asks. "Knock yourself out," he assures her. Ella yawns. "Watch," J nudges my arm, "looks like somebody is tired, huh, Ella?" J asks the 4 year old child. "I'm not tired!" She pouts. me, J, and Grace start laughing. "Come on, little one." J says he will be back as he takes the little girl upstairs to his room.

"So, you and J?" Grace teases me. "What about us?" I laugh slightly. "Are you 2 a thing?" She asks, still teasing me. "Not exactly," I look down. "Wait... You're not a girlfriend of his are you?" I shake my head. "He kidnapped you," she speaks soft. "Yeah... but it's different, I don't know how to explain it," I shrug as she nods. "He's not a bad guy once you get to know him. I know he seems scary sometimes but that's just how he is," she explains his actions. "I've noticed," I respond biting my lip thinking about the way he is. J comes back down. "She wants you to go sleep with her, by the time you get up there she'll probably already be knocked out," he informs Grace. "Okay, thank you J." Grace leaves upstairs to go be with her daughter, leaving J and me downstairs.

"Let's go." He makes his way to the basement as I follow closely behind. There is a blow up mattress already on the ground with a couple blankets and pillows, he must have put those down when he put Ella to bed. We lay how we were just before Grace came, my tattoo was still a bit sore. "Does your tattoo still hurt?" I ask. It's dark and quiet, but we're close enough to where we can see each other. "Not really, I'm kind of used to it. Does yours?" I nod. He does not say anything but gives me a look as if to say 'it'll be alright.' I find myself not tired at all and I think he feels the same way. "Gosh damn you, I hate when you make me kiss you," he states before pressing his lips against mine for the second time today. I find my hands on his abs that I can clearly feel and see. We pick up where we left off making out. We both find the kissing really intense. I find him on top of my body holding my arms down as he did when I woke up from my dream. "We shouldn't be doing this," I whisper. "Who's here to stop us?" His warm breath travels along my neck leaving warm kisses, causing me to throw my head back slightly. We go back to kissing, his tongue slides against my bottom lip begging for an entrance. I let him in. Our tongues dance along each others like there is no care in the world. I pull away, "I'm not comfortable doing this," I whisper. I've never done anything further than making out. I don't want to do anything I'm going to regret. "I understand," he responds getting off of me carefully. "I haven't done anything like this before," I remind him. "That's okay, Emily," he pulls me close into his chest. "Go to bed," is all I hear before falling asleep.