Stockholm Syndrome

14. October 18th.

"J!" I run up to him. There is no blood and no wound. I look to the left noticing that the bullet had hit the wall because J jumping when I scared him. Good thing I scared him... kind of. I'm breathing heavy and my heart is beating so fast that it might actually fall out of my chest. I turn quickly to look at J after looking at the bullet. J is staring at the gun, he has a few beers next to him. His eyes are red, either from being drunk, crying, or even both. I believe that it's both. I take the gun away from him and place it on the table in front of us next to the 5 beers. "J," I can barely get his name out because I'm on the verge of crying. I hug him tight, he does not hug me back though. I hear him cry, he is so drunk. "Don't do that, don't you ever do that again!" I cry and stroke his hair back while kissing the top of his head. I know this may seem all twisted around, but I don't care at all. "I love you so much," he cries into my chest. "But I know I can't have you," he finished. "Why can't you have me, J, why?" I whisper into his ear calmly. "Because you live this perfect life with a family out there that I've taken you from. They'll hate me and we won't last at all. I'm so sorry," he cries his eyes out. J switches his position from my chest, to my lap where I can stroke his hair easier. He shakes. "Calm down, J," I whisper looking down at him. "My whole life nobody has ever loved me, and I have never loved anybody," he sniffles his nose. "I love you," I kiss his forehead. "You can't love me, you'll only get hurt." He stares at the gun. "Don't look at the gun. I'm going to put it away, where was it?" He points to a drawer where the gun was originally placed so I put it back. I sit back to where I was and watch him place his head back onto my lap and fall asleep fast. "Everything is going to be okay," I whisper just before falling asleep.

I'm up before J again this time at a solid 11 a.m. I feel him wake up shortly after I do. "Bloody hell," he mumbles. "Here, take this," I hand him a bottle of water and medicine just as he did for me. "I don't need that," he runs his fingers through his already messy hair. "Take it and stop being so stubborn with me," I say to him, just as he would say the same thing to me. He does as I say and takes the medicine. I stay quiet for a while, just to make sure if I do end up saying something I don't say the wrong thing. "Stop doing this to me," He hugs his knees like a small child. "I don't know what I'm doing to you, J." I reply quietly. "Neither do I," he says getting up and drinking more water. "Please don't treat me like everyone else," I look down, still sitting on the floor. "I was never going to," he admits. I get up and look at him, being the sentimental person I am, my eyes start to tear up. "Then why did you say that? Why did you hit me and yell at me? Why'd you lie?" I watch him stare back at me. "Because I needed to scare you," is all he says. I think I understand, though I really never understand him anyways but at least I try. "I'm going to the store, I'll be back soon," J grabs his keys and jacket, quickly wanting to end our conversation. "I want to come," I follow behind him. He tells me no. "I don't like staying here by myself. What if the police come again?" I make a good point, only so he allows me to come. "Fine, come on." I've officially annoyed him for today.

"What are we going to the store for?" I ask, listening to the only time I get to listen to music which is in the car. "I need to buy an outfit," he speaks keeping his eyes on the road. "Why?" I'm curious, I've always been nosy. "I'm meeting up with my brothers and sister," he simply states. "I thought you never kept in contact with them," I sort of question. "I don't, just my sister, but every year we meet up on October 18th, the day our parents died, so I really have no choice," there is no emotion on his face. "You have to get something fancy?" I question. "Well this time I do, we're doing something fancy I guess," he shrugs. We reach the mall and walk inside finding a store to shop in. "Can I come?" We walk into a store. He quickly tells me no and I ask why. "You would hate it. The only one of us that really has their life together is Grace. I kidnap, my oldest brother is a drug addict and my other brother has an alcohol problem," I'm explained to. "I don't care." I cross my arms and watch him find an outfit. After about 10 minutes of arguing whether or not I should go we finally come to a conclusion and... I'm going! I knew if I argued long enough he would let me. "Now I need to get you an outfit as well," he continues looking for his. He tells me that I can't wear the red dress he got me because that one brings back memories... If you know what I mean. "Get a suit," I say. "No way, I'm not getting a suit." "Get a suit, you'll look good it one! Try this one." I smile handing him the suit to try on in the dressing room. He's going to look amazing.

It was a successful day of shopping for an outfit. J ended up getting a suit and tie while I ended up getting a dress that was sparkly at the top and pink at the bottom. "So this is in 2 days?" I make sure, I never really know the days anymore, but I do know that I've been away from home just a little over a month. "Yeah. When you go, just hang out with my sister please. My brothers are crazy and so am I." I agree with him because I don't feel like arguing... again.

2 days go by faster than you think. For 2 days J and I haven't argued and I'm so happy for that. J and I had gotten ready in the same room. As I finish getting ready, using the make up that J had gotten me for our date, I notice him struggling to get his tie on. "Need some help?" I laugh at him. "No, I've got it." Stubborn man. I go over to him and force his hands down to his side. I start tying his tie. "I hate suits," he speaks. "Well I think you look great in one," I finish tying his tie and tuck it in for him. I notice a strand of hair out of place so I fix it for him. I notice that stern face start curving into a small smile. He places a hand on my cheek carefully and strokes it with his thumb. I look down slightly, even blushing a little bit. He lifts my head up from under my chin and kisses me softly. I don't think I could ever describe the kisses he gives... they're sweet, meaningful; every kiss has a different meaning. I feel that when he kisses me I can tell how he's feeling or what he's thinking because as we touch, we become one. We pull away which causes my thoughts to drift away. "Ready?" He asks. "Ready."

We arrive at the first stop, dinner. "Are those your brothers?" I ask pointing at two men standing next to each other outside of the restaurant. "Yeah, that's them. There's my sister and Ella, we should probably get out there," he sighs, obviously not comfortable with spending time with all he has left of his parents. "You all look alike so much," I comment while getting out of the car with him. "Nice suit, J!" Grace yells. He thanks her. "Nice to see you again bro," one of his brother's greets and hugs him. "Nice to see that you're not drunk this time, Lewis," J comments. Be nice J. "Actually, I've been sober for 4 months now." Lewis states, putting J in his place. I look at his other brother, he's fiddling with his thumbs and his hands are shaking. "Good to see you man," he pats J's back. "You too, still shaking I see, huh Aaron?" Now I understand why they all don't get along, J can't keep his damn mouth shut. "I've been clean for 2 weeks, thank you very much." Aaron replies. "Nice to see you again as well, Emily," Grace greets giving me a hug. I give Grace a hug, as well as Ella. "Who's this, J?" Lewis asks. "Probably another one of the girls he's kidnapped," speaks Aaron. "Shut up," J starts getting angry. "He's also got those anger issues still," Aaron and Lewis laugh. "This is my girlfriend, Emily," he speaks. Girlfriend? Oh, I get it, I'm his fake girlfriend for tonight. "You actually have a girlfriend?" "Wow, who would have known." They continue laughing. "You two better shut the f-" Grace cuts him off. "Hey! We are not here to argue tonight like we always do!" A tear falls down her face. "We're here for mom and dad's death! You know they would love for us to be together for one night and NOT fight!" She tugs on her hair wanting all 4 of them to get along for once. "It's his fault they're dead, his stupid 'friend' killed them!" Aaron yells. "Stop being childish! You're 25, not 5! Now can we all please just get along! For mom and dad," she whispers trying not to let herself cry. They all sigh at once and nod. I grab onto J's arm and rub it for comfort. "Let's go," Grace leads us all inside the restaurant. We have a private, reserved table in the back. We get our drinks and make a toast to their parents. "So... J's girlfriend, huh?" Lewis questions with a smirk.