Stockholm Syndrome

12. Relationship or What?

We stay at J's house the next day after we had gotten done making love. We had told Grace and Ella goodbye before they left. We are back to the usual life of just us two staying at the house and eating breakfast every morning. "I had fun last night," I speak while laying on my stomach on his couch. "So did I," J sits beside me and starts tracing my tattoo. "Fun to trace isn't it?" I giggle. "Yeah," he smiles slightly. "Did you like what we did last night?" J asks. "Yeah, I did... a lot actually. Did I do okay?" I want to make sure that I wasn't terrible for my first time. "You did great," he talks quietly. "So what now?" I ask looking up at him. "What do you mean, 'what now'?" He seems confused. "Like... Are we in a relationship orrrrrr.." He lets out a sigh. "Just because we had sex doesn't mean we're in a relationship," he plays with my hair. I stop him and sit up, staring him right in the eyes. "We can't just have sex and not be a thing," I say sadly. "You don't want to be in a relationship with me... With someone who has a criminal record, with someone who's mean, with someone who is ALWAYS having the cops called on for whatever reason. We can't be in a relationship, Emily. I don't like dating anyways," he finishes explaining. "I don't care, I can look past all of that," I try fighting for something... anything. Believe it or not, I feel like he's made me stronger somehow. "No, Emily. We're not dating... Just acquaintances. Okay?" Acquaintances? Not even friends!? I shake my head and get up from the couch. J grabs my arm, "Emily..." "Get off of me!" I pull my arm away and rush upstairs. I can't believe him. I want to go home, I want a REAL relationship with someone who won't treat me like this!

1 Day

2 Days

3 Days

4 Days since the argument with J and me. I haven't drank, ate, smiled, laughed, or spoken  to J at all for 4 days. I've stayed in the room for all 4 days. He hasn't even come in to check on me because that's how much he cares, he's slept on the couch all this time. My stomach growls. Shut up, stomach.

I hear a knock on the door. "Go away." I already know it's J. I watch the door as it opens and eye J as he walks in sitting next to me. "I said go away," I repeat. "And I don't want to. This is MY house, we do what I say." I roll my eyes at him. "You haven't talked to me in 4 days," he says with a blank face. "Yeah, I know. But technically it's only 3 because we're talking right now." I say with attitude. "Don't be a smart ass," he stares at me. I don't say anything more. "Alright, I'm sorry okay!?" He yells. "For what, J!? You already said how you felt, I get it now!" I yell back. "I like you! I do, but I don't want to hurt you dammit!" We're both silent for a while. "You're not going to hurt me," I hug my knees. He wraps his arm around my waist. "You want to know something?" I nod. "I hate the way you make me feel but I love it at the same time," he starts. "What do you mean?" I stay looking down. "Well listen, I'm not finished." He proceeds. "I hate the way you make me feel something. You make me feel like somebody actually likes me. You give me this feeling I've never had before." He sounds like someone who would say that in the movies. "I always hated everybody, just because of my stupid parents. Then you came... and you were supposed to be scared of me. You were supposed to hate me and keep begging to go home but you didn't do that. You weren't meant to like me, and I wasn't meant to like you, Emily. But that's the way it turned out. I hate it because my last relationship was shit and I lost it for a stupid reason. I don't want to lose you for a stupid reason." I have never heard J talk like this before. This is a whole new J, and I'm surprisingly loving it. "Just give it time, okay?" He assures me. I nod and give him a small smile while he kisses my cheek. So... are we going to act like a couple and never actually be one? He's so confusing, but we'll figure it out.

That night we decided to get drunk. I've never actually been fully drunk before, just a little buzzed. We were just getting started though. "Here, drink this," J says handing me a full bottle wine. "This whole thing?" My eyes widen. "Yes," he pulls out another bottle for himself.  I take a sip and feel myself make a weird looking face because I've never taken such a big gulp of wine before. "You'll get used to it," he laughs lightly at the face I've made. I watch as he takes a big gulp, I repeat his actions. "Wanna see who can finish it first?" I try to get through this drunk process a little faster than it's happening. "Are you sure?" I nod. "Okay, on three. 1... 2... 3!" I countdown and chug the wine down as fast as I can. I feel some of it drip down my chin, but I'm having too much of a good time to care. I surprisingly finish first and I'm already feeling dizzy. "You let me win!" I poke his chest. "Did not," he smirks and finishes his drink. "This makes me have to pee," I announce. "Good to know. Go pee and we'll just drink a couple bottles of beer." I rush to the bathroom and do my business. I would have never imagined myself getting drunk with a 21 year old man who's kidnapped me. But who the hell cares! I come back out of the bathroom and sit down on the couch. "Here," he sits next to me handing me a beer. I open it and take a sip. "Do you do this all the time?" I ask quietly. "When I'm alone," he takes a drink. I nod understandingly. I feel myself become more unaware of my actions, as does he. I look at him. "What?" He asks. "I'm not going to remember anything," I admit giggling. "That's the whole point. You drink to let all your problems run away. I drink because I like it and because nobody can stop me," he smiles with a dimple. I take another drink of my beer and lay my feet on his legs. "Get your nasty ass feet off of me." He pushes my feet off of him and laughs. I can't help but laugh as well. We both finish our beers. "That was good." I'm now sitting up. I scoot closer to J. "You look wasted." Is that a compliment? "So do you," I say back. "I feel like it too." We both laugh. "We should like... make out or something," I giggle and crawl up to him. I put my forehead against his and peck his lips softly. "You taste like wine and beer." I feel him pull me up onto him from my thighs. "Maybe if I taste like that, you'll want some more of me." I was never actually good at flirting but in this case I was, only because I was drunk. "I want all of you," he breathes down my neck. I felt butterflies in my stomach... either it was that or my stomach hurting from all the alcohol, I couldn't tell. He takes off my shirt and stares. "Don't stare," I whisper shyly. "You're sexy," he nibbles on my neck leaving small love bites on the side of it. I open another beer and share between the both of us, it's gone quickly. I go to open another, "No more, you'll get sick," J warns me. I smash my lips into his while taking his shirt off without breaking our kiss. This time I'm the one straddling him. I can feel his length harden against my thigh. He pushes me down on the couch and takes off my pants without hesitation while I do the same. Nude, naked, and bare. Both of us, our bodies meet each other once again. He presses himself into me harder and faster than the first time. I'm left moaning and screaming with pleasure. Let me tell you... His pull out game is strong.

"Emily?" J questions. We lay on the couch while he plays with my hair. "Yeah?" I look into his drunk eyes while he looks into mine. "I love you," I watch the words fall out his drunken mouth slowly. "I love you too," I say back smiling, leaving each other a soft peck on the lips before falling asleep. This hangover is going to suck.