Stockholm Syndrome

15. A Life He Dreamed

I had a great night with J and his siblings. They weren't as bad as he made them seem, his brothers at least. They both quit their bad habits of drugs and alcohol. They were all actually getting along. Not long after we had finished eating, all of us had followed Grace to the cemetery to visit their parents. "Your brothers aren't as bad as you made them seem," I say speaking my mind. "Yeah, they changed their ways I guess," he replies while driving. "That's good," I nod. The car is silent for some time until I speak up, "Why did you call me your girlfriend?" I look out the window because I'm quite nervous to what his response might be. "Because you're mine and not anybody elses," he glances at me quickly and then puts his eyes back on the road. "We never discussed this though," I tell him. "We don't need a discussion. Whatever I say, goes." After he says this I bite my lip. "Look... You're not my girlfriend, but you are at the same time, it was just easier to say that you were so my brothers wouldn't ask questions. But you're mine and never leaving so there's your explanation," he smirks, still driving. All I can get out is and okay because I think it's quite hot when he talks like this.

"I think you should stay in the car." Everyone else had gone to their parent's grave by themselves, except Grace because she has Ella with her. We all shared goodbyes as it was now J's turn to visit and the rest of them went home. "I can come with you," I put a hand on his shoulder. "No, I'll be a wreck." He gets out of his car. No way am I letting him do this alone, he needs someone right now. I follow him and hear him let out a sigh because I followed. I know he wants to see his parents by himself but I just can't leave him by himself anymore... it scares me. I grab his hand and hold it tight while he does the same to mine. We sit on the ground, not caring if we get dirt on ourselves. "Wow, this really is all my fault that they're dead," he shakes his head blaming himself for everything. "No it's not, J, don't say that," I shut him up. "I hated them for the longest time and... Markus just killed them!" He exclaims out loud. "Sh... J it'll be okay," I try to help him feel better, I hate to see him upset like that. "I tried everything to be the best son ever," he shakes his head staring at the graves. "I was never good enough, Emily." I kiss his cheek and tell him that he's good enough for me. "I don't know why I was always the target, I tried my best at everything. I loved them, but they didn't love me, they never loved me," his voice is getting shaky which makes me want to cry with him. "They loved you, J," I assure him, no parent can just not love their child. "They didn't love me at all. They beat the hell out of me until I was weak, parents aren't supposed to do that! I wanted that life where you'd have tacos every Tuesday, have a stupid family game night that everybody would hate to participate in. I wanted that life. I was too stupid and worthless, they wanted me dead," he speaks. I can't help but let a couple tears fall down my cheeks. "You're not stupid," I remark. "They took me out of school when I was younger, I suffered from dyslexia and all that shit that no kid wants to deal with." We were silent for a while. "I just wanted a normal life! I hated the life I lived!" He screams out of nowhere. I jump slightly and hush him up. "Come on, let's go," I offer him a hand and he doesn't budge. "You know the exact words my dad told me on my tenth birthday?" I listen as he begins explaining his flashback.

*J's Flashback*

"Happy birthday, dear!" my mom tells me as I come down the stairs of our house. "Thanks mom," I kiss her cheek. Today I'm 10 years old, I want to ask him we can go to a waterpark, I love waterparks, they're so fun. "Happy birthday. You're a grown boy now, son. Do you know what they do to 10 year old boys?" I shake my head no with a big smile on my face. "Do they go to waterparks?" I smirk and laugh. "Even better, follow me and your mother." I follow them down to the basement. "Here, this is going to be so much fun," my mother tells me while she ties rope around my wrists. My dad then starts tying me to the ceiling, letting me dangle there. That's when I knew everything was not okay. "We hate little boys who turn 10," she says spitting in my face... ew. My dad smacks my face with his big hands. "Ow! Dad!" I cry out. "Aaron! Lewis! Grace!" I try screaming out for one of my siblings. "They're not here right now. They're out doing fun things with their friends like good little children they are," my mother says in my face. She whips me with a belt... hard. I don't know what I did, I was good all this week. I haven't done anything naughty! I cry. "Shut up, cry baby, you deserve this. You're stupid and worthless. You don't deserve to be in this damn house in the first place. You're lucky we gave you shelter in the first place," my father rolls his eyes. "I should have aborted him when I said," my mom speaks disgusted in me. I don't even know what aborted means. "Abort means kill the baby before it's born inside the stomach," my dad had seemed to read my mind... either that or I really was stupid. I can't stop crying, they'd never treated me like this before. "Get this through your head, baby," my mother grabs my cheeks, "one day you're going to die."

"I'm so sorry J," I cry as he tells me the story. "You wanna know what's worse? My mother raped me. MY OWN DAMN MOTHER RAPED ME!" He balls his eyes out. I didn't know this, I didn't know that he went through THIS much. I cover my mouth as he tells me. "'Come here honey, I want to show you something.' I didn't know what those words were leading to. I was so scared."

*J's Flashback*

"Hun?" My mother comes into my room the day after they beat my. "Hm?" I hum quite mad at her. "I'm sorry for last night, your father made me do it," she has a sad look on her face. "It's okay, mom, I forgive you," I say with a small smile. "Come here honey, I want to show you something." My mother guides me to her room. "Let me see your scars, I'll fix you up." I take my shirt off for her to see. She tells me to lay down on her bed, so I do. She unbuckles my belt from my pants. I flinch because I think she's going to hit me again but she doesn't, she throws it to the ground. "What are you doing?" I ask as she takes my pants off, I start to tremble. "Mom, can you stop?" I ask. She doesn't reply to me and she takes off the rest of my clothes along with hers. I try to get away but she holds me down. "Mommy stop!" I yell pushing her away. She's to strong, I'm so weak compared to her. "Calm down, babe, we're going to have fun."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know." I hug J tight and kiss his cheek 3 times. "Long story short, Markus was my best friend at age 12 because I thought having a 22 year old friend was awesome. I watched him hang them the same way they hung my wrists, but around their necks in the basement. They yelled for me to help them, they yelled at me for letting me do this to them. I didn't do anything, I watched them suffer," he wipes off all of his tears and sniffles. "I don't want to be here anymore, let's go," he gets up. "I love you, J, I just want you to know that," I remind him as we start driving back to his house. He doesn't speak for 10 minutes, but when he does he says, "I love you too." He said it. He actually said he loved me and he is sober! I smile big looking out the window.

"I had fun at dinner tonight," I say softly. "So did I, I'm glad you had fun," he looks at me. I smile. "Gosh, you're beautiful," he kisses me. I love those type of kisses, I love when he does that. We continue kissing and make our way to the back seat of the car. Let's just say that... uhm... the car got heated quickly inside.

Author's Note: I literally have only one person who comments, you guys should comment more! What would you like to see happen next? x