Stockholm Syndrome

19. Don't Leave Me

"Emily, I can't sleep," J whispers at about 2 a.m. "Neither can I," I reply. It's obvious why neither of us can sleep, he killed a man! "What are you going to do?" I ask. "I cleaned up all my evidence," he says. "What do you mean?" I face towards him. "When I told you to go back to the house and that I would take care of things I just cleaned every thing I touched to get the fingerprints and stuff off. I took the gun, it's in my drawer now," he explains. "What!? J, you can't just do that!" I warn him. "What did you do with his body?" I add on. "Let's not talk about that." He scares me with those words, I can't imagine what he's done. The room fills with silence soon after his statement. "I've never killed someone before," he admits, I can hear the worry in his voice. "We just have to stay calm, okay, J?" I try to help. "Calm!? You want me to stay calm when I just killed a guy!?" J shouts. I jump slightly but end up calming him down. "I don't know what we're going to do but we'll figure it out, we need to get some sleep and stop thinking about this," I tell him. This isn't going to be easy from now on. I just can't believe it.

We woke up 8 hours later to a pounding on the door. "Good morning sir," the police man standing in front of the door greets. "Good morning," J replies. "We have a few questions for you to answer," the police man states. J agrees to answer them. "There's been a shooting at the house across from here and you're the only house near it. Have you happened to have witnessed the murder?" I see J start to hesitate but he keeps his cool. "I've heard about it but no, I was not a witness. Thankfully, me and my girlfriend were out of town while it happened," J makes up the quick lie in his head. "Do you happen to know anyone who might have done it?" He replies with no.

After about what seems forever, the police man leaves J's house. "I'm sweating," J speaks just seconds after he's gone. "You did good keeping your cool though," I tell him. He shakes his head and runs his fingers through his hair. This is going to be a moment neither of us are going to forget.

Drink, after drink, after drink. I watch J drink away all his problems. "J, you can't just drink it all away," I try to tell drunk J. "You're right, I can smoke them away too," he stumbles over the kitchen chairs and pulls out a pack of cigarettes I've never seen him smoke before. "No, you can't lift away your problems getting high either!" I take them away from him. I hate when he acts like this. Just when I thought everything was getting better, this happens. "I need to die, Emily, I can't be here anymore, I'm already going to hell so what's the damn point anyway?" He shows no emotion. No happiness, sadness, or anger. "Don't think like that, J. Stop, I love you so much," I remind his drunk mind. Sometimes I like when he's drunk so I know what is actually going through his head. "I love you too. I just need to let you go," he shakes his head. I shake my head along with him and guide him to the couch with me. "Come on." I have J lay with me on the couch that pulls out into a bed. I listen to him sob for a good hour while I occasionally place kisses on different parts on his face until he falls asleep. He's going to sleep twice as long as usual because that's the way he gets when he gets really drunk.

I love J so much. I don't know what I would do without him.

*2 Weeks Later*

Pretty much everything had blown away by now. Of course we still think about J killing Isaiah but the cops had stopped coming after 2 visits. While we're sitting in the kitchen talking and laughing away we hear someone barge into the house. Not this again. J and I both jump as we hear not one, but few police run into the kitchen. "Put your hands up!" I jump and do as the police says, but J refuses, go figure. "Put your hands up!" The police man points the gun at J. "J, put your damn hands up!" I yell at him. "You can't just come into my house like this!" He argues. One of the police grab both of his hands and put them behind his back. "You're under arrest for murder and kidnapping!" Another one yells. Oh no, they found out, how the hell? What the hell? This can't be happening. This has to be a dream. "Emily!" I hear a familiar voice yell as I turn around, "Mom!" I start to tear up and run straight to her, the police let me through but not J. "Emily!" J calls, I turn around quickly. I notice him struggling to get out of the police's arms. "Emily!" He yells again and finally gets out.

We hear a gun shot. I see J fall to the floor.

"J!" I scream and rush to his side. I notice the police officer who just shot him is standing there staring at the damage he's done. "J, oh my gosh," I shake badly and lift up his head only to see blood dripping down it. "Emily," he whispers. His skin starts to get cold quickly and he gets extremely pale. No, this isn't happening. You've got to be kidding me. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I CAN'T LOSE J! "Stay awake, please," I cry. I can barely get the words out of my mouth. I see tears falling down his face slowly. "I love you," he smiles and lets the tears fall. "I love you too, please don't leave me," I beg. He can't move, he has a bullet in him, I'm surprised he's stayed alive this long. The police try to get him breathing normally again but there's no use. He's already nearly gone. I have them give us space, "In my room," he pauses to cough up blood, "in the drawer on the nightstand is something for you," he can barely talk but I know what he's saying. "You'll see," he finishes. "J, stay awake! You can't die on me please! Please don't die!" I hate that word... 'die'. J is dying right in front of my eyes. His eyes are starting to get heavy and close. "J! Wake up!" His eyes open again. "Don't you dare die in front of me like this!" I cry and kiss his forehead over and over again letting my tears fall on his forehead. I sob, if he could sob too I'm sure he would be. His breathing is uneven and he can't seem to catch his breath. "J, please," I whisper. "I'm dying for you, I'm dying for someone I fell in love with, I love you," he reaches for my hand and puts it on his cheek just before closing his dark brown eyes that I will never see again. I watch his chest rise one last time. He's gone. I cry and kiss his hands calling his name for him to come back. The police pull me away from him, I can't help but give the police who shot him the dirtiest look in the world, he seems ashamed... he should be.

"Baby, we've missed you so much!" My mom exclaims as we reach home just about two hours later. I hug her tight and my dad joins in as well. We all start crying. "I've missed you too," I hug them as tight as possible. It's been nearly half a year since I've seen them. I hear voices coming closer to me just as my parents let go. My friends. "Emily? Oh my gosh! How did I not know that was you at the club!?" Lexi cries out and hugs me. Followed by her hug are hugs from Ashley and Tonya. "You got tattoos!? Oh, you're so badass!" Tonya yells trying to lighten the mood. I'm so damn happy I'm home. But I'm so damn sad J is gone.

Even though I hadn't seen my family and friends in so long I excused myself to go on a walk to clear my head. I make sure to take my phone that I just got back that is filled with calls and messages that I'll check later. I found out moments later that Markus was in jail for life as well, I don't want to think about him though, right now all I can think about is J. J was the one who literally made me stronger. I used to cry over stupid things that didn't even matter. He made me realize that if you don't care it won't bug you. I don't think I could love anyone the same ever again like I loved him. He showed me the ups and downs of life. He showed me that you shouldn't judge people on how they act because they could have the darkest past of their life. I miss him so much and it hasn't even been 24 hours! Why does it have to be this way!? I let tears fall as I walk. I find myself alone and let out the loudest scream ever and sit on a nearby bench. I cry and take out an envelope that was in the drawer J told me to look in. I rip open the envelope and see a necklace with a J on it, I start crying instantly. Followed by the necklace is a note from him. I haven't read it yet and I can already see all his spelling errors but that just reminds me of him. I try to smile while I read the first line.

"Dear, beautiful Emily..."

Author's Note: It's not over yet!!(;