Fortune Cookies -A chenford story

-9. Admitting to like him-

The sofa was as comfy as it had always been. It had a calming olive green, and grey-green pillows were placed in every corner of it.
But even when this was a nice colormatch and pretty comfy, I felt completely uncomfortable. I knew this sofa. I had already sat in it. It stood in a room with light grey walls, a little desk made from wood, and the matching chair behind it. On the chair sat a mid aged woman with black straight hair in a bun, softly smiling at me. And this woman... I had seen her the last time after... after Caleb.
She had been my therapist. I had to go to her for three months, but because I really liked her, I had stayed a whole year.

Tim had promised me not to talk with me about it, so he had called Kate Bankin.
He had called already in the night, but to not leave me simply took me with him into the kitchen. After that, he had asked me if I wanted to sleep with him in his bed. I had just nodded and agreed because one, I had been too exhausted for anything else and two, I had liked his offer.
And when we had layed there, next to each other, he had pulled me to him to snuggle as close as I wanted. I had hesitated. I hadn't wanted to hurt him, but then I just did it.
And just after breakfast, without any word, he had driven me here and left me alone in a room with her.

"So... Tim has told me about what happened yesterday... Do you wanna tell me, or do I have to pull it out?"

She offered me a sweet smile.

"You can't tell him if I tell you, ok?"

She nodded.

"It started after a few days ago. On his birthday, a beam had fallen down on him. I thought I lost him... There, I had the first panick attack. It was like they had always been, you know? But the second... I layed in my bed that evening, he had woken up so I had left hospital when visitor time was over. Well, I layed there and... couldn't stop thinking about losing Tim. I wasn't able to move, or breeze, or scream, but it was there and when I had fallen asleep, I had a nightmare and screamed... And the attacks were a bit better because my roommate had slept with me in my bed. The dreams were still as bad as the first... and last night, I layed there alone and got another attack. I wanted to calm myself by seeing him fine, but it didn't work until he woke up and hugged me..."

This all had just come out, and I saw that Kate wanted to say something. After she had processed what I had told her, but I interrupted her.

"Before you say what you think, I... I know what I have to do, where it comes from, but I'm too afraid."

She thought about that and then asked me what it was. I hesitated but decided to tell her.

"I have to tell Tim what I feel."

She smiled, and it almost looked like... yes. Like triumph.

"So you finally admitted it, huh?"

I couldn't help but giggle.

"Was it so obviously?"

"Definetly."

Her expression turned serious and filled with a little concern, too, again.

"But Lucy, to react so strong about that isn't normal. So... let's make a deal for you to get better."

"What kind of deal?"

I narrowed my eyebrows and wondered what she thought about.

"You stay in therapy until you told him, but you have to tell him in the next six weeks, ok?"

Six weeks. A bit of anxiety rose up in my chest. But she was right. I had to tell him. Six weeks. Should be possible. Had to be possible.
I took another deep breath before answering

"Fine."

She gave me a soft smile.

"Good."

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