His wife had been stressed about his job. He knew that. Her stress was ultimately making him stressed out. He was ready to give it all up after her heart attack but she told him to pursue what makes him happy. However, he sees what it does to her. He would have to feign ignorance to deny it. Ben can't help but worry for Miranda. He understood the demanding nature of her role, the weight of lives resting on her capable shoulders, and the burden of decisions that can affect not only patients but also her well-being.
He also understood the toll his job was taking on her. It was the subtle things. Like how she wanted to hear about his job but not the dangerous parts. He knew that if an incident happened she would constantly check her phone for messages from him. Any time an ambulance came in, she would anxiously hold her breath thinking, Is this the ambulance that finally brings my dead or dying husband in? But she loved him and she wanted him to be happy and she knew firefighting made him happy.
She had been wanting to talk to Ben. Ben afraid of what she may want to say to him was trying to deflect from the conversation until he could deflect no longer. They sat down and she got everything off her chest she needed to. The words "I need a sabbatical" Repeated over and over in Ben's head. What did that even mean? She loved him so much she just needed him to be out of her sight was essentially what he heard and it made no sense. He thought it would make things worse. Taking a break from him, from their marriage would just make her worry more. She would be left to continue worrying about him. It didn't make sense to him. He understood that she needed to get her stress under control but he didn't understand how a separation would help that.
She reasoned that if she already knew he wasn't coming home would prevent her from staying up worrying about whether or not he would be. It didn't make sense to him. Either way, she was going to worry. He would rather be there to help her through those worries. None of this made sense to him and the more she explained it the less it made sense to him. If she loves him as much as she says there is no way him not being there would make her stop thinking about him. Out of sight out of mind does not apply to your husband and it infuriated Ben that it seemed like his wife thought it did.
He started at her. He heard her pleas. The room fell into a contemplative silence, the air heavy with unspoken emotions. Ben wrestled with his feelings, torn between the desire to support Miranda and the fear of what this break might mean for their marriage. This was the first step to divorce. Living apart from his wife is what he calls a separation. And if her stress levels never decrease. If her BP remains way too high then what? She divorces him so she doesn't have to worry about being married to a firefighter. He offered to quit. In fact, he called his captain and he did quit. She told him to call him back and go be a firefighter because life was too short. Now she was kicking him out of their house for listening to her and pursuing his career.
"I love you, Ben, more than words can express," Miranda continues, her eyes meeting his with a mixture of love and pain. "But I need some time, a break, to find a way to manage the stress.
"If that were true. If you loved me that much you wouldn't ask me to leave" He walked off and returned with a suitcase. "But I love you that much and so I will honor your request" He walked off to get some clothes to fill his suitcase with.
As he went into their room and gathered his belongings he thought about where their marriage went wrong. He waited for her after the shooting. Even after discovering she was with Eli, he found himself still longing for her. He left his surgical program to come home and be with his wife. He helped her through the loss of her patients and dealing with the new diagnosis of her OCD. Even when she suspended him for 6 months, he stuck by his wife. He was incredibly angry and hurt but he stuck by his wife. Because in a marriage that is what you do. Ben meant his vows and as he packed he began to wonder if she meant hers. She loved him so much it was breaking her heart. He thought about that statement. It nagged at him like a dog nipping on his ankle. Right now he was the heartbroken one. He wanted to be able to say something, to do something to prevent this from happening. But as he zipped up his suitcase He felt defeated. If this was the end of his marriage then this was the end. He couldn't fight her when she seemed so adamant.
