Not Just Another Boy Next Door

Chapter 5

"Lionel is older than us by 3 years, so he was seventeen at the time. I thought he was so cool." Beck pauses, continuing to pick at the thread on his shirt until it leaves a tiny but noticeable hole. "He was really smart, like genius smart. That's why he was able to move away so young, he invested into some company with money from his father and it totally took off. But before that, we used to hangout sometimes. At the fun house, you know. I'd go there during the summer and he'd be working the booth for Mr. Maude. Sometimes I'd stay late and we'd sneak around the festival area after dark...checking out the carnival booths, acting like idiots around the fun house, that kind of stuff. I didn't really know why he liked being around me but I knew that I really liked being around him. That all changed one night, though. Four years ago..."

He meets my gaze again and my focus doesn't waver, my eyes locking with his and encouraging him further. "What happened that night, Beck?"

"Lionel was acting weird, nervous. I asked him if everything was okay a million times but he just kept saying everything was cool. I didn't really know how to handle his mood swing, especially being so young. I felt like maybe I offended him somehow. I was wrong, though." I examine his face as he speaks, the emotions flickering across his expression like a helpless bird mid-flight.

"Wrong about what?" I ask him, prompting him to continue his thought.

Beck's brown eyes pierce my soul, his body shuddering slightly at the memory. "Everything. I was wrong about everything, Rome."

Chills race up and down my spine at his answer, the pain evident in his tone. At first I had been giving him his space as he spoke, sitting on the floor but several feet away from him. However, once I realize just how heavy this confession seems to be, I decide it might be okay if I move a bit closer to comfort him. Slowly I slide over to the right, looking back up at Beck to make sure he seems comfortable with it before I move all the way next to him, leaving only a few inches between us.

He grabbed my hand before...would he be okay with me holding his hand now?

As if he can read my thoughts Beck reaches out, using his left hand to grab my right and holding it gently in his warmth. I speak up again at this encouragement, the butterflies from my stomach flying up into my chest and burrowing into my heart. "I'm here for you, Beck. You can tell me."

Beck sighs, gulping and looking down at the hole in his shirt. "I assume that you've probably figured out by now that I'm...gay. I'm not super open about it. I didn't know Lionel was too until that night. I always had a crush on him but never thought someone that much older than me would be interested. But that night he was acting weird and finally, after asking a million times if he was okay, he finally just cracked and kissed me. It caught me so off guard but I kissed him back at first...until he started reaching for the zipper on my jeans. He tried putting his hand inside to touch me but I panicked..."

Before I can stop myself I gasp softly, the butterflies in my stomach disintegrating into a pit of horrified ash.

"...it was my first kiss, after all. He didn't know that but I knew that and I couldn't handle what was happening. I wasn't trying to be a prude or anything, but I definitely wasn't ready to take things that far-"

"A prude? Is that what he called you? Beck, he was seventeen. He had no business trying something like that with a fourteen-year-old...under no circumstances was any of it your fault." The words leave my mouth in a rush and I grip Beck's hand tighter, hoping that I haven't said the wrong thing.

"I guess I know that now. But at the time I was upset and confused...I stumbled backward, knocking into a clown display and falling onto the ground. Lionel laughed at me, said he knew he shouldn't have wasted his time on a loser kid and left. He never spoke to me again after that and eventually moved away. I had so many good memories here that I thought it would be nice to come back...but it's mostly just making me reflect on that night in the worst way."

"Beck, I want you to know that there is nothing within the realm of reason that justifies anyone treating you that way. He should have known better, he shouldn't have betrayed your trust. You didn't deserve that." The sound of a muffled sob grasps my attention like a grip of agony, the tears falling down Beck's face unexpectedly and dripping onto our interlocked hands. "Beck, it's okay, I'm here for you-" Without warning or a single word he stands, releasing his hand from mine and creating a significant distance between us.

Oh no. Have I said something wrong? What is he doing...?

Beck wipes his face with his sleeve, erasing the tears as quickly as they came. He doesn't meet my eyes again, instead brushing himself off and clearing his throat loudly. "I've gotta go. I'll see you later, Roman."

"Wait, Beck, hold on a second-" My sentence is cut short as he rushes off, speeding out of the abandoned fun house and leaving me alone in the muted darkness.

I have a bad feeling that all of the minimal progress we've made has officially exploded...and on top of that, I realize I completely forgot about another very important detail.

Aunt Loren is still waiting back at the festival for me.

Shit.

To be continued...