smoking kills - klaus hargreeves | the umbrella academy

chapter two

"...come to think of it, i don't know her name!" the boy said with a hearty laugh.

"of course," a new boy muttered sarcastically, leaning back to rest his head against the wall, looking up. "why did i even agree to this?"

a third boy, who sat on the windowsill behind them, stared at the first boy for a moment. "are you serious?"

"look, look—" the first boy started.

"it's marie," the girl said, interrupting the three boys bickering. she stood below them, looking up at the fire escape where the three were sitting. the first boy had a cigarette in his hand, as always. he sat on the fire escape, sitting with his legs dangling off the side of the fire escape. the second boy was sitting next to him, legs crossed. they all turned to look at the girl, marie.

"oh good, she's here," the second boy said. the third boy gave the first one a judgemental look. the first one stuck his tongue out at him, then turned to marie with a wide smile. "hello marie! i already knew that was your name, by the way. you didn't need to tell me again."

"yeah, cause we definitely know each other, right?" she played along sarcastically.

"yes, yes," the boy paused to see if the other two were believing it, which they were not. "and just so we're even, i'll tell you my name again. it's klaus, but you already knew that."

"yes, of course." she deadpanned. there was a pause as klaus watched the other boys' reactions. they weren't impressed. she asked, "so, why am i here right now?"

"oh, that! well, we should get introductions out the way first. no need to jump straight into the main activity, right?" klaus gestured a lot with his hands as he talked, making the cigarette fly dangerously around in his hand. he pointed to the boy sitting next to him. "this is my brother five! say hi, five."

klaus nudged five with his elbow to get him to say something. five looked down at the girl. he greeted her curtly, "hi."

she studied him for a moment. he had short black hair, styled cleanly. he wore pajamas as well, a button up sleep shirt and soft pants to match. unlike the other two, he looked strangely put together, for being in pajamas. "weird name."

"blame our loving father," he said with a sarcastic smile.

"our loving old man! our dear dad! what a great guy! an even better father!" klaus dramatically hugs himself, adding his own sarcastic comments. "so kind!"

five stared at him. the other boy on the windowsill raised his eyebrows at klaus. "are you ever going to be normal?"

"nope!" klaus said with a grin.

"have you ever talked to him for more than five minutes, ben?" five asked.

"so your name is ben," marie said.

the boy on the windowsill grinned. "yes! nice to meet you, marie."

"nice to meet you." this boy had short and straight black hair as well, but it wasn't styled at all. his pajamas were similar to klaus's, but a darker blue. his face looked nicer than the others'. he also looked the same age as the others. marie looked between them. "how old are you guys?"

"12," they all said at the same time.

"so you're... triplets?" she said, unsure since they all looked very different.

"no, just adopted," ben said.

"triplets in spirit!" klaus exclaimed. he waved his cigarette around and wrapped the other arm around five.

five pushed klaus off of him with a disgusted look on his face that klaus didn't seem to be bothered by. five said, "if we want to get technical, septuplets."

"septuplets? there's... seven of you?" marie asked.

"yep. two more brothers and two sisters." klaus said.

"still adopted," ben added.

"your father doesn't have any real children of his own?" she asked.

the three boys looked between each other. ben said quietly, "would you count pogo?"

"that's just what i was thinking," klaus said.

"no! he's not even..." five glanced over at marie, choosing his words carefully. "he... he just doesn't count."

klaus shrugged and looked back at marie. "nope."

"we're still his own children, just not biologically," five said. "legally, yes. biologically, no."

ben quipped, "do we really even want to be, though?"

"nope!" klaus grinned. "anyway, let's get to the main event, shall we?"

"sounds good to me," marie said. she leaned against the wall opposite to them, gesturing for them to go ahead.

"okay five, do your thing!" klaus exclaimed happily.

"let's get this over with," five muttered. he stood up and stretched. she watched closely, a bit confused as to what to expect from the strange boy she only met a week ago.

five balled his hands into fists. a flash of light travelled from his hands to the rest of his body, swallowing him up whole and making him disappear, all in a split second.

"what the fuck?!" marie jumped and shouted. "what the fuck just happened? what's going on?!"

klaus burst out laughing. he tried to say something, but he couldn't catch his breath. ben chuckled as well, trying to hide his snickering with his hand.

"explain that shit to me right now. what happened?" she demanded.

"a little something called teleportation." five reappeared next to marie in another flash of light. he leaned with his arm against the wall above her, smiling with a signature sarcastic grin. marie punched him in the stomach.

"god damn it!" five said breathlessly, clutching his stomach. he nearly fell to the ground as he muttered curses under his breath.

"warn people before you do that shit. and don't get in my personal space like that! what the fuck is wrong with you guys?" she whipped her head around to the fire escape where klaus and ben stood.

klaus had been sent into another laughing fit as five muttered curse words under his breath. ben was trying his best not to smile, but failing miserably. "look, it's not that crazy if you consider the rest of us."

"what's that supposed to mean?" marie glared at ben.

his smile faltered a little bit. "i- i, well.. i don't want to freak you out any more than you already-"

"oh come on!" klaus laughed out. "that was hilarious! you should show her!"

ben was silent for a moment, looking between me and klaus. marie raised an eyebrow at him. "well, are you going to explain or what?"

"just don't say i didn't warn you," ben said sheepishly. he slowly started to unbutton his sleep shirt.

marie quickly covered her eyes with her hands. "god, what the fuck is wrong with you people?!"

five finally joined back into the conversation, teleporting up to the balcony to hit ben lightly on the arm. "you guys are so stupid. she probably thinks you're a creep, now, ben."

"i'm not! i'm just doing what klaus said!" ben retorted.

"like klaus ever has any good ideas." five scoffed. ben rolled his eyes and started to button his shirt back up.

"hey! im standing right here!" klaus slapped five on the shoulder.

"don't slap me." five hit him back.

"don't slap me!" klaus slapped him again.

"you did it first, idiot." five smacked him back. klaus gasped and they started to trade hits as ben groaned loudly.

marie slowly uncovered her eyes from below them on the balcony. she peeked through her fingers, watching klaus and five get increasingly violent. they shouted insults back and forth. ben looked a mix between bored and annoyed.

"you know, if you're just going to keep fighting and hitting each other, i think i'll just go," marie said, unsure if they would actually hear her. "and probably never return. but i'm gonna leave."